So, my sibling has always been 'difficult'. Hot tempered, easily offended, bears a grudge, never wrong, but superficially charming. The type of person who is outraged by seemingly slight inconveniences (for instance, a late train) and takes them as a personal attack and will email complaints etc. I believe he thinks he is special and the rest of us are insignificant.
It's been a terrible week - my lovely DF (actually my step dad but raised me) died suddenly last week. It's been an awful shock and DM is struggling to cope. My sibling, who we hadn't seen for a couple of years, came and stayed at DMs house, apparently 'to help'. We don't normally have much contact because sibling doesn't answer calls or reply to texts unless there's something in it for him - contact goes via his wife, who I suspect spends a lot of time pouring oil onto his troubled waters.
Sibling has seemingly enjoyed being at DMs house - time off work, TV/films, takeaways etc. DM paid for him to have a night at a nearby hotel because other relatives were travelling down and needed to spend the night and he refused the sofa - so he enjoyed the pool and facilities at the hotel. He hasn't been much help and doesn't appear to be upset about DF death or DM distress.
I suspect he came down because he likes to play at being the 'big man' and have people think he is doing 'the right thing'. Image and how strangers perceive him is more important to him than family, I think.
Yesterday he was very angry and shouting about how long things are taking - possible autopsy, inquest etc. So we are stuck in limbo at the moment. He shouted at DM - normally she would ignore his behaviour but this time, because she's so emotionally upset, she shouted back at him. He took huge offence at this. Made a huge fuss and packed his stuff to leave. Later, on leaving, he wouldn't say goodbye properly and started shouting when he heard DM telling me how upset she was. This turned into another yelling row with my usually very quiet DM and he physically pushed her over, onto the floor. Then he said it was self-defense and slammed off out the house.
I scooped DM up off the floor and tended to her injuries (bruising). Who does that to an elderly, vulnerable woman - let alone their own lovely DM? I was in so much shock I let him go. If I got my hands on him now I'd happily choke him.
DM is distraught - she said she's lost her DH and now she's lost her DS as well - and she's blaming herself. Saying she should just have let him shout at her and not answer back.
I told DM I think he is a narc or has some other personality disorder because nobody else in my family - or anyone I've ever known (as far as I know) would behave like this. I don't think this normal, at all. Is it normal?
He's gone back home and I suspect played the victim, told his wife DM attacked him and is ungrateful etc. I gather this from what she's said in messages - she doesn't know what happened but knows "what he thinks happened" .
I told his wife I'm sickened by his behaviour, suspect he needs professional help and I'm done.
I don't expect to hear from him or see him again, because he has never apologised for anything in his whole life, as far as I know. I don't want DM to contact him because it just gives him another opportunity to hurt her again.
Thinking back to growing up, I've remembered lots of times when he hurt me, and one time when I had to physically separate him and my nan during an argument as he was going to hit her.
AIBU to say he's dead to me now? It's no real loss for me personally, but my poor, poor DM! I used a line I learnt from Mumsnet - "when someone shows you who they really are, believe them". I think ultimately it's for the best for DM to see him for what he really is - but the timing was the worst possible.