AIBU to step in and speak to college for her?

[benfoldsfive]

DD 16 in the first year of college, doing 3 a levels 2 and fine and she is at the expected grades (Drama and English) The 3rd (ethics, religion and philosophy) not so much. So much so the teacher has told her that she is no longer allowed to sit it.

DD is totally defeated and saying that's it, she will have to drop out of college and start again in September as 2 a levels isn't enough. I've said the has to be another route, another a level choice, they can just do this.

She is so frightened to speak to anyone that she will not speak to anyone about it and has just taken what the class tutor has told her as holy law.

AIBU to contact someone and see what can be done? I sure it's not the end. Or do I let it play out because she is "independently learning"?

Oh, your poor DD.

Can you persuade her to let you go in with her so you can both talk to the teacher? I think they won't talk to you alone (could be wrong, but in HE we wouldn't be allowed to and I think it is the same at college).

Surely there should be someone other than the teacher she can speak to about the whole situation?

I think it’s reasonable to have a chat with someone knowledgable and find out if your daughter does have the right information but I would leave it up to her to actively do something about it, assuming there is something else she can choose to do.

Whilst I do think at 16 she is independently learning, she is still a child and I wouldn’t want my daughter to end up repeating a year because she was frightened or intimidated by her class tutor.

What English is she doing? Lit, Lang or combined? I started doing the combined English A-level and after the first year I split it to do 2 separate A levels, I had a bit of catching up to do but it wasnt that bad. There are probably lots of options other than dropping out so going with her to see the head of year or her personal tutor or whatever set up they have is not unreasonable - 16 is still quite young to navigate this stuff particularly at college when I assume shes only been there a term

I would certainly step in, not necessarily to kick off, just to ascertain whether what your daughter has understood from the tutor is actually correct. It seems very unfair to give no option of additional support etc before insisting that she drops the whole subject. Especially only 1 term in.

If this is the case, I’d be very unimpressed with the college!

I think it depends, when I taught A level I wasn't allowed to speak to parents unless the student had given permission. There was a form done by the personal tutor when they enrolled and hey either agreed or not.
This was when A levels were post compulsory though, it might be different now kids have to stay in education until 18.

She must have some sort of pastoral tutor in college she can talk to surely? It would be odd to be "kicked off" a course at this point as it has real implications for students (2 A-levels isn't enough hours to qualify as a full-time student for one). I wouldn't hesitate to call in as a parent at this point (I work in a college!).

Definitely speak to them. They encourage parents to talk to them in my experience. It wasn't until my son reached 18 that they needed his permission to talk to me. Things have moved on from when I was young. When I was 16 you were considered an adult but not anymore!

She's still a minor and while you want to encourage independence, you also need to bear in mind that a student-teacher relationship is not one of equals.

A 16 year old may lack the confidence or life skills to have difficult conversations with a teacher. It's also possible that the problem is the teacher not your daughter (given her good results in her other subjects). I'd ask for a meeting/further information.

We've had this with my 17 year old recently - maths teacher telling him that his university plans are unrealistic when they are plainly not - don't really know what his problem is but I think the issue is personal not academic (teacher is a bit odd).

Yes step in. She should have a pastoral tutor (maybe a form tutor) you could speak with?

I would, with my child's permission talk to the college, find out if what been said is correct - what options they have going forward and who they should be talking to at the college about all this.

I'd see it as helping my child navigate the situation - and till 18 I think I'd expect them to be prepared to talk to a parent though I'd want my child on board with me getting in touch with them with that as it is their education.

Is this the first or second year of exams?

I studied biology all through my AS (first) year. I was told 2 weeks before I wasn't allowed to sit it. I told them fine, but don't expect me to it in the class. I sat 3 AS levels and gained 3 alevels the following year. Followed by my degree and my postgrad.

Right now the AS level is the most important thing in her world, but soon it won't be and she won't suffer any disadvantage from not having 4 AS levels.

What the college teacher seems to be teaching your DD is that if you’re not good at something then just give up! This is outrageous! I would be arranging a meeting with said teacher and someone more senior at the college and asking what can be done by way of extra tuition either at the college or independently. Suggest your DD joins you for the meeting and has a think in advance about what she wants to say. As adults we have to fight our corner and have difficult conversations sometimes, letting her walk away and quit is not the right approach.

Thanks. I am always second guessing these days. Parents were locked out of discussion in my era. I will wait for her to come home and discuss what contacting her form tutor.

I find it hard to believe this is the end of the road for her a levels. She just freezes with authority, so wouldn't even ask for clarification.

Definitely speak to college on her behalf. She's only 16, and not equipped to deal situations like this yet. Some 16 years olds might be, but the vast majority are not. I'm a secondary school teacher, and even for our sixth formers we communicate a lot with their parents.

It's absolutely reasonable for you to get involved. She's only a term out of school and this could have a massive impact on her future plans.

It is possible that she's not gelling with the course, but then that should have been identified already, earlier in the term, so that she could move courses without much disruption.

Equally, given most courses are now final exam ad not modular, surely its a bit soon in Year 12 to be saying she won't be 'allowed' to site exams a year and a half from now.

There will be a personal tutor or a head of year - phone the college and ask for a call. Your DD is too young, and from what you say, too used to simply accepting teachers' word is law to even consider advocating for herself, so you need to step in.

There will be a route for her that does not involve quitting college altogether.

What does she want to do afterwards? 2 may be enough for ucas points based uni courses or vocational courses. She is only one term in, it may well be possible to do better in Philosophy and Ethics given time and support, or take another in a year.

Definitely speak to them. We have had to intervene about one of my dd's teachers, as the college just wasn't listening to the students.

Good luck to your dd.

I just don’t understand how a teacher can tell you whether you can sit an exam or not??!!! Surely it’s not up to them??!! Is it a state exam??

I think step in to see what her options are

But your comment She just freezes with authority, so wouldn't even ask for clarification worries me. Can you work on this with her? She should have the confidence to at least query things.

I taught this subject for many years and I also do consulting work for an exam board.
I can guarantee that there is enough time for her to catch up. There is absolutely no need to consider dropping it at this stage.
Has the teacher done anything to help her?
Is the issue with attitude to learning or understanding?
I think you should definitely step in.

Yes, step in. As others have said, the power balance in the relationship between teacher and student isn’t equal so this is where you need to step in. If you want to use it as a life lesson, explain to your DD why you are stepping in and explain that it’s not a lack of confidence in her ability but more a situation that you have experience to handle and she will learn in time.

She freezes with authority

In this case then, it's good parenting to step in and let her see how to handle a situation like this. Just make sure she's in the room with you, and a part of the conversation.

Yes, get involved to find out more about the issue, AND to model what engaging with 'authority' can look like in a non-confrontational, creative and solution-focused way.

I'm the person all my friends call to have difficult conversations with 'authorities', and I picked up whatever skill I have around this entirely from watching my mum morph into pure velvet-covered steel in situations like this.

I teach in a college - but in Scotland so perhaps different - and wouldn’t be allowed to speak with a parent unless the student was present. The only exception would be a “Christmas leaver”, a student who was 15, about to turn 16 between August and December.

I’d guess the teacher is under pressure from management for his or her PIs, and doesn’t want to put a student who might not achieve in a position to drag them down. (I don’t support this at all, btw, but the pressure in my place is huge, threats of courses being cut, staff redundancies etc if retention and/or achievement is poor.)

I think it’s quite concerning that the teacher hasn’t been in contact with you to be honest. If I went to my boss and said I had a student who wasn’t likely to achieve, their first question would probably be “have you spoken to their parents”. I would definitely be in contact with the head of department/head to sixth form to find out what was going on.

2 A levels is enough to progress to all sorts of things, including degrees. It is dependent on what she wants to do. I would encourage her to keep going with the 2 she is doing well with and enjoys. What does she want to do as a career?