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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stupid argument about dinner - was I wrong?!

51 replies

ShroomsOnToast · 03/02/2020 21:05

My first (and very daft) AIBU!

DH wanted to start dinner at 17:30 but I wasn't hungry and also wanted to do some exercise so said as much. It took me a while to finish work emails so I didn't get going until 18:15 (DH said nothing about wanting to eat when I went upstairs).
I didn't hear anything from DH during exercise, and went on to shower and get going on some tidying.

I called down just after 20:00 (having not heard a peep!) to see if he wanted to do anything about dinner; cue much stomping and anger about the fact I'd left him there for 3 hours (exaggeration!) and I knew he was hungry and how could I have done that etc etc.

My response was, whaaaaat? You're an able-bodied adult. I was upstairs. You literally just had to either make dinner for yourself and I would re-heat, or say you were starting it and I would come down. Literally, the easiest thing in the world. I was 20 feet away!! Why on earth sit there getting so hangry and then take it all out on me?!

I honestly do not understand my error in this. Okay, he was clearly a lot hungrier than me, but I am not a mind reader. Surely if a grown up is so hungry that they get that cross, they should just say??

Or was I in the wrong? I genuinely cannot see that I was, but will take on board opposing views. I honestly feel utterly confused by it all Confused

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 03/02/2020 21:37

I dont know what you both usually do but if im not hungry and dh is or other way round we just make our own dinner we dontg justg sit and wait for the other one to start

CinderEmma · 03/02/2020 21:38

YANBU if he was that hungry he could have made himself something to eat!

Original poster
ShroomsOnToast · 03/02/2020 21:40

We usually eat between 7-7.30 but had a light lunch today so he was hungry earlier. My body clock is still a bit messed up after returning from a long haul trip on Saturday so I wasn't as much.

2020newme That's the silly thing, we usually communicate very well! Clearly not tonight though 🤷‍♂️

To those who have said the habit of eating together is a factor, yes, I agree. We do always eat together when home together so I accept that definitely played a part.

OP posts:
NotNowPlzz · 03/02/2020 21:42

Why do you both need to be in attendance to 'start dinner'. Wtaf?

ElloBrian · 03/02/2020 21:42

And who usually cooks?

Sirzy · 03/02/2020 21:45

If you both normally eat together then why did you expect him to just cook for himself ?

Original poster
ShroomsOnToast · 03/02/2020 21:45

notnowpizz I don't know...

Ellobrian He usually does the cooking, and we were going to have a specific dinner that only he makes.

OP posts:
oktoberfestisuponus · 03/02/2020 21:48

Totally overreaction from you both. Should of made yourselves something separate or he could of cooked it earlier and then you reheated it.

Digitalash · 03/02/2020 21:48

I'm kinda on his side except the childish strop, in your OP it sounds like you said I'm going to be an hour and then we will eat and instead you just disappeared for nearly 3 hours. He could have come and asked if he was ok to start dinner but I see why he saw his arse. I would say 70/30 YABU and he is BU.

Original poster
ShroomsOnToast · 03/02/2020 21:48

Sirzy Not just for himself, but I thought if he was THAT hungry he would have come to tell me he was making dinner. I would then have either come straight down, or heated mine up later on.

I thought that was reasonable, but I accept that, given the replies on here, it might not have been.

OP posts:
BigFatLiar · 03/02/2020 21:51

Just chalk it up to experience.

Why didn't he just tell you he was ready to get dinner? Was he worried about upsetting you?

ElloBrian · 03/02/2020 21:52

Ok so he was hungry and he was cooking a meal he usually cooks for you both and at the usual time. And you asked him to wait and then didn’t tell him when he could start. And he waited in good faith and then got hangry. Ok so he should have come to you and said it was getting late and he was going to start cooking. Presumably he was humouring you because jet lag etc.
I think based on the evidence presented that you owe him an apology.

FlamingoAndJohn · 03/02/2020 21:54

So he was going to make dinner.

Why didn’t he just start cooking while you were upstairs?

theflushedzebra · 03/02/2020 22:05

He's being ridiculous.

Original poster
ShroomsOnToast · 03/02/2020 22:06

Thanks everyone. I have apologised, and we've had a laugh and a cuddle and decided to look at booking a holiday instead of continuing to argue over who's to blame for Dinnergate.

Your opinions have been very much appreciated. I would have been firmly in the 'I did nothing wrong' camp if it weren't for you lot, which would have been incorrect and unhelpful.

Crisis averted!

OP posts:
livefornaps · 03/02/2020 22:09

Tell him to shove his big late-plate up his big butt-butt

scubadive · 03/02/2020 22:28

YABU, he told you at 5.30pm he wanted to start on dinner, clearly he was hungry then and told you.
You say after exercise but then do emails, exercise, shower AND THEN TIDY! At 8pm, 21/2 hours after he said he wanted dinner you suggest he start cooking.
You should have made it clear at the start that you wanted to eat so much later and either he get a snack or you eat separately.
Most people like to eat together and although5.30pm seems early, saying let me exercise first and then doing a whole load of other stuff for 21/2 hours while your partner is waiting to eat is selfish and very inconsiderate. I’d be really pissed off.

HPFA · 03/02/2020 22:49

Hm, have to say I think I'd be feeling like the husband here.

I'm imagining myself telling my own DP I'm hungry, he says can we wait a bit, I say fine, then he disappears for two and a half hours? I'd feel that was a bit inconsiderate to be honest.

But it doesn't sound like grounds for divorce!

JayAlfredPrufrock · 03/02/2020 23:15

What was dinner?

Original poster
ShroomsOnToast · 03/02/2020 23:19

JayAlfredPrufrock Humble pie :)

OP posts:
theflushedzebra · 03/02/2020 23:23

AH, you shouldn't have had humble pie OP - the vote says yanbu Smile

Glad you made up though, life's too short for anything else. I hope he apologised for stomping too Grin

Original poster
ShroomsOnToast · 03/02/2020 23:52

TheFlushedZebra It most certainly is too short. I was happy to admit my wrongdoing safe in the knowledge MN mostly backed me ;)

But yes, it was a very equitable resolution, cuddles all round 👌

OP posts:
FlaskMaster · 04/02/2020 00:05

I've gone with YABU because it seems like you were asking him to wait for dinner because you weren't hungry and wanted to exercise. You could've said you weren't cooking because you were busy, or that you were happy to eat whenever he cooked, but you didn't, you sought to delay dinner altogether, even though he was hungry, so he waited for you, like you wanted, and you took a ridiculous amount of time.

theflushedzebra · 04/02/2020 00:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theflushedzebra · 04/02/2020 00:08

Sorry wrong thread! I was on the This Life thread too Blush