To think adult DC have always lived at home and it's not a bad thing

[MaryQContrary]

Growing up in the 60s 70s 80s the majority of people didn't go to university and it was considered quite normal for people to get a job, pay board to their parents and carry on living at home well into their 20s.

My brother and sister did this and managed to become fully functioning independent adults.

I understand it remains the norm in many European countries but on MN the general consensus is it's a Bad Thing.

And yes they paid Board.
I think if they are working, paying board and doing housework it is fine. The issue is when they live a prolonged adolescence and it gets too easy so they never want to leave home. So having lots of money to spend as they pay no board and getting all housework and cooking done for them.

Surely it’s always varied? My grandmother left home to go to college then worked (1920s/30s), my grandfather also left home to work as did my other grandmother. My dad didn’t go home after National Service (1950s/60s), he lived in digs then got his own place. Mum went to university then met and married my dad. People stay at home if that’s where the jobs are - when it isn’t, they leave.

Our mum died when we were young so we were all used to either cooking for ourselves or the whole family and my siblings continued to do that when they were working. Likewise they'd look in the laundry bin and put a wash on, rather than everyone doing their own which is environmentally unfriendly.

My friend's DS moved back in after "uni" because he couldn't find a job suited to his magnificent talents. His mum does everything for him whilst he plays on his X box. Her DP is threatening to move out.

Thing is, I don't want to house share. So I am hoping none of them will be moving back anymore

I moved in with my mum when I was 28.

She was going through a horrific divorce. I'd always been raised to be very independent (think: own rota of chores from 7, doing weekly shop for family from 11/12, Saturday job from 12) but it was a time in our lives when it made sense for both of us. I'd moved out to go to university aged 18 and was only back fleetingly so we hadn't really lived together for a decade. She needed help with mortgage payments as she had a mortgage that tracked rates and it had suddenly gone up - I was studying and working in a bar and having to not deal with a sleazy landlord was a great bonus.

I paid market rate for a room and contributed to household chores and bought much of my own food. When now-DH came on the scene, we lived briefly with my mum whilst we searched for our own flat.

It also meant my mum had company whilst going through that divorce.

Later, when my mum sold up that house and decided to move, she lived in my and DH house for a few months whilst she house-hunted - so we returned the favour, sort of.

It's just what families do to help each other, imo.

I thought ds1 would move home after he finished uni

But he moved in with his partner in year two 😢

It's okay and sometimes essential if there are contributions being made or saving for their own house etc.

My BIL is 25 and doesn't work, hasn't held down a job for more than a few months and has never paid a bill in his life and i am confident he wouldn't know where to start. My MIL does all his cooking, cleaning etc and gets not a penny for it. I know he doesn't work because he know he doesn't have to, there's nothing pushing him. His GF is the same and only works part time because her mum asks for no financial contributions.

At this point it is definitely enabling and isn't going to help him in the long run. If I had been able to stay at my mum's into working life I would certainly have been giving her some rent and saving the rest for my own house. Trying to save for a house while paying private rent is really tough and took us years! All depends on the motivations!

This is the norm in my culture. Mind you the whole overgrown teenager thing doesn’t really cone into play when you have domestic help. Even so, in more recent years when that’s become rarer I don’t think it has to be an issue. So long as everyone understands that they have to act fairly then no problems should arise. Maybe it’s the British tendency to baby young adults that gives rise to the negative view.

Two of mine bought their own places at 25, the other it will be about 18 and she'll be off. They paid board and obviously shared in the jobs.
I think much later than this and you aren't doing them any favours, if you've done your job properly 20 - 25 seems about right.

I am a child of the 80s and my siblings turned 18 in the 90s, none of us went away to uni, all chose vocational courses and employment.

We all lived at home until we had the deposit and a partner to buy our own place, we were all 22-26.

Housekeeping was paid to cover our food and utilities but to be fair our DP had a —very— large house and didn’t need the money.

Chores had been part of our daily routine since we were teenagers so we were all quite capable, none of us cooked regularly as the was DMs thing, but if she was out or wanted a day off DF or one of us would step in.

My DH was a regular visitor before I moved out and was allowed to stay in my room, although on the pull out bed not mine.

I now have adult D.C. one is in their 20s living at home and may move out next year if they decide on a uni course that is not local, the other will be at uni for 2 more years, although this is their home and when they are away it is just a rented room as far as they are concerned.

Both of them cook, keep their rooms tidy,do their own washing and generally contribute as both me and DH work long hours

Sometimes I’d like an empty house but generally I like having family around me.

I think my widowed dad liked having the company when they were around.

I don’t think contribution always needs to be financial especially if the parents are solvent. Cooking, baking, cleaning, shopping “helping” goes a long way in my books.
I see it acceptable as a stop gap but not a 10yr plan.

I left home aged 17. As a result I'm only just getting on the property ladder now at almost 30. I've been skint and spent some time raising DS on benefits. It's been hard and utterly shit at some points.

I'll be happy to let DS live at home as long as he wants and I won't be charging him board either, I want him to enjoy his life as I struggled and had no money to do anything in my early 20s.

I certainly won't be doing all his cooking/washing and running around after him though.

I think it’s fine if they are contributing positively to the household (whether it’s paying rent, cooking, cleaning, helping around the house, etc.) and spending (hopefully some saving!) the rest of their money wisely.

Fiancé is from a European country where it’s widely accepted for children to live at home. His brother was in his 40’s living on takeaways, mother still doing his washing, his living area (upstairs but still part of the house) was disgusting, didn’t help his parents in any way, shape or form. They didn’t see a problem but I always thought it was weird.

I moved out at 22 and it felt like I was so old compared to my friends moving out. In reality, 22 is still really young.

I’m a 60’s baby, by my early 20s (so roughly mid 80s) it was totally the norm to have moved from home, so married or buying a small flat. None of my friends were living with parents well past their mid 20s.

I'm 30 and still live at home with my mum and 4yo DS. I pay "housekeeping" every month, buy my own groceries and we go halves on things like TV license etc. As much as I would like to move out and get my own place, staying at home means I was able to cut my work hours down after having DS so I could spend more time with him, as my outgoings weren't so high. It works well for us, my mum enjoys being able to see DS every day and we are generally really close. Although I do get "told off" like I'm a naughty teenager sometimes!