How can I make the evenings work better?

[Digitalash]

I have a DD who is nearly 3 and I am a single mum who works full time, this is a recent thing since november before then I worked part time but it was a dead end job with no prospects. My current job is low paid atm but should be good in a few years.

DD is struggling to cope with the long days not helped by my childminders refusal to let her have a good nap, she usually has 1 and a half hours at the weekend bit only has about 20 minutes at the childminders.

At the minute our days consist of up at 6.15 (I have to wake DD) breakfast dressed etc. Out the house by half 7 drop DD off and get to work for half 8 start, finish work at half 4 pick up DD home for about 5.20, have to cook dinner and feed DD by then it's almost 6 (I tend to cook stuff the night before so I can reheat it for DD or do egg on toast and stuff if she's had a proper meal at childminders) then its pyjamas on and by quarter past 6 she is asking to go to bed! She goes straight to sleep till I have to wake her the following day.

My issue is A) I feel like we don't spend any quality time together, I'm either hurrying her out the house or cooking dinner or putting her to bed and at the weekends I'm trying to do washing and house work so it's rare we get a day out.
B) I feel like I'm neglecting DD's needs, because she is so tired she is only having 2 sometimes 3 baths a week because I cant keep her awake long enough in the week, on a wednesday i force her and on a saturday it's easier and i usually try to squeeze one more in but it's hard when all she wants to do is go to bed!

How can I make our evenings run more smoothly and how can I make our time together more enjoyable? I'm shattered all the time and really struggling to cope with the long hours ☹

It’s tough going working all those hours with a child. But remind yourself your doing it all for her. What kids love is a routine and you have that so she is safe and secure. Make the most of your weekends - and things will get easier. Ps why does the child minder not follow your instructions?

Why won't the childminder let her nap? Can you address that as you can't do much about the rest, if your dd had her nap she'd likely be able to stay awake longer and spend time with you.

Do you have a shower? Could you shower with her every other night - much quicker than a bath. Both in together, shower gel all over, rinse off, pjs, snuggle in bed.

Or get in the bath with her and have some fun time with bath crayons etc.

I agree that routine is key, focus on having one day out at the weekend.

Slow cooker might help, and cook twice as much and freeze portions. Do a story whilst she's in the bath maybe.
Would she have a shower every now and then but tbh unless she's actually dirty then don't stress about that.

I know you'll be tired but I'd do washing one night when she's in bed
Ironing another night
Deep clean kitchen one night
Bathroom another
Lounge another etc

Online shopping one night

Then hopefully you can really concentrate on your dd at the weekend.

And don't forget she'll find it easier with time.

Child minder tells me she doesnt need that much sleep, apparently she is too old to need naps like that and "wont sleep anyway and I cant force her" I have told her till I'm blue in the face she does 😕 child minder is great in so many other ways though and I feel I'm never going to get perfect so I should let this one thing go.

why do you wake her up so early in the morning? She could sleep until 7am, 30 minutes is plenty to get her ready. Get on with your chores whilst she is asleep.

I don't do any chores at the weekend, I get everything done first thing in the morning, and just do a quick tidy before bed. My weekends are free for my kids, unless we really need to buy shoes that they have to try on.

If it's just the 2 of you, you really do not need to waste your weekend doing crap. Food deliveries can be arranged for evenings, you can batch cook when she is in bed if you really want to (just cook more, reheat half for the following day, freeze the rest)

Get your weekends back.

It does sound tough but it won't always be like this. Can you have a chat with the CM about letting her nap longer (is it that she isn't allowing it or your dd cant nap at hers?).

Can you let her sleep longer in the mornings? If you need to be out the door by 7.30 can you let her sleep until 7? You can get yourself totally ready and then just sort dd once your done.

That's a good idea about assigning one evening a week to a job thank you.

I get her up so early otherwise she doesnt have time to eat breakfast and gets hangry. I could try getting the childminder to do her breakfast for a week though and see how we get on. Thank you.

Change childminders!

I'd leave her to sleep for an extra 30 mins in the morning while you get clothes, breakfast ready.
Slow cooker for dinner so it's ready when you get home.
Try a quick shower, I sometimes just let mine hold the shower head and hose down if its detachable one.
Other than that sounds like your doing a great job. At least shes sleeping at night and not overtired. If she has a longer day nap you may find it disrupts the night sleep and although she may go in later she might find it difficult to switch off, then you'll have a whole over issue

I think it's great that you have found a full time job with prospects, and I believe things will get better once you are both used to the new routine. Has your childminder given you a good reason why she will not allow your daughter to have a longer nap during the day. You may have to just give up on weekdays and try to keep the weekends free from chores or try to make them fun and include her, yes they might take a little longer but its the interaction with you that's important even if its only helping you identify fruit and veg in the supermarket. If your daughter is asleep by 6.30 could you maybe catch up with some house work / chores or put a load of washing on for just one hour per night and just save noisy hoovering for the weekend. Things will get easier as your DD gets older. Please don't feel guilty you are a great role model for your daughter and doing a wonderful job, and as for the baths, a wipe down with a warm flannel does the job just as well for those in between days.

Yes to getting her up just before you go and give her something portable to eat on the way to Chm and ask for breakfast there.

Some children really struggle with the first year of reception and the lack of naps then.

On the aspect of naps, your childminder really is talking rubbish I am afraid.

But as above, half a sitted breakfast, half a breakfast on the way, whilst not ideal would get her more sleep, and you more time to do a bit of chores.

Highly recommend the TOMM method - I've been doing something similar-ish forever, my weekends and life in general are way too precious for house chores.

Ok evening are short so make them valuable. Sounds like you already have food sorted by cooking the day before.

2-3 baths a week is fine, just top and tail in the morning.

You pickup at 4.30pm and get home at 5.20pm use that time in the car.

• sing silly songs, make up stories together, tell each other about your days.
• on nice days, grab a meal deal or pack a picnic, stop at a park half way and spend some time together outside eating.

When you get home make the whole evening about playing and spending time with your DC, have them 'help' you in the kitchen, a plastic knife and a couple of mushrooms is a great way for them to help you cook, or get them to butter a slice of bread.

Eat sat together and talk about your day.

Bed time, cuddle up, read stories... all your attention on DC.

In the morning, the first 5 mins after you wake them up, spend cuddling and saying good morning, no rush, no hurry, no distractions. Then get on with your routine.

I used to look after a little boy who came to me in pyjamas with no breakfast as it was early. CM should be happy to feed and change, although she may not want to nap there as it's a different environment.
My DD would nap well at home but never at nursery.
Most CM feed the kids early around 4/4.30 does she not get lunch and tea there?
Once mine were in bed at 6/7 that's when I batch cooked, washed and cleaned, it's easier to keep on top of it daily than do it at the weekend. Then you have 2 full days of rest/relaxation/fun.
I know it feels like a long day now but it really won't be long before she will need less sleep and bedtime will be later.