I’m 27, have a decent office job in London which if I was to stick at could mean that I would earn a very decent salary (talking 15 years down the line here though!). I had tried to get this job for a few years during/after uni but was always rejected, then (because someone I know helped me using their connections) I managed to get in and I was SO happy about it. It’s a really competitive grad scheme so I felt so so lucky. I didn’t try very hard in school so felt so lucky to get this job and thought I am going to throw myself into it and do the absolute best I can, which I have done and still do! But now I’m 27 and have a boyfriend who’s 30 I’m starting to think, work is not the thing that will make me happy, and for me the most important thing is to have a happy family one day which I want to dedicate myself to, but I really feel like I can’t do both! I can’t have a top career and spend loads of time at home looking after my kids (at least it doesn’t seem that way to me)! I feel that over the last couple of years I’ve re-evaluated and feel like there’s more to life than work and my job, which to me is quite meaningless, it doesn’t help anyone except very profitable companies and it all feels quite empty.
I find myself demotivated and although I still try my best I just think, what’s the point!?
I feel so guilty feeling like this a) because I was helped to get this position by someone and don’t want to let them down and b) it’s very competitive and I may be taking someone’s place that wouldn’t be like this.
When I am there it’s fine and I get on with it and enjoy it (as much as you can an office job). I also realise I may / likely will have to work, if nothing else to give my future (hopefully) kids a better life.
I basically feel so torn between what I actually want, whether anyone else feels this way, is this normal at my age to think like this, and opinions of whether you can dedicate yourself to kids but also have a career?
Sorry this is all a bit jumbled and long I typed as I was thinking!