Sister "stole" my baby name

[RoseWrites]

I know, i know, you can't claim ownership over a baby name. But i have loved a boys and girls name for years and all my friends and sister knows it. My sister is booked for a c section tomorrow and I asked her if she has names. She said yes and said it was the two i have my heart on. I thought she was joking. But she is not. She now claims i have never mentioned them which is maddening!
I don't want to feel cross or upset as it's a new life..but i feel so hurt and upset - which seems ridiculous. I guess I'm upset she is blatantly lying about all the times we discussed them.
I was too stunned to say anything and i won't as it doesn't seem worth upsetting her.
Is this type of thing normal?
AIBU?

When are you due?

Are you even pregnant? You're reserving a name for some hypothetical baby that may/may not exist in the future?

TBF unless you're TTC or pregnant, by the time you actually have a baby you might not like the names or your partner might not like them.

I know it seems the MN rule that you can't bagsy a name, but I think you can, amongst family and very close friends, at least.

I don't think I'd be letting her forget it. Or at the very least, keep reminding her that you still intend to use the name when the time comes, as you have always said. That might take the shine off for her.

If you are already pregnant and she knew they were your name choices then it is definitely odd behaviour and I would be upset.

My sister did something very similar to me. I had my boy and called him (let's say) Benjamim. She had her 2nd boy to months later and basically called him Benjamin although they use Benny day to day. I have to admit I was very upset. I still cringe when we are together, hearing Benjamin and Benny. However, she knew what name I had chosen for a boy and my DS had been born and named so I couldn't change it. It sounds ridiculous but I have never really got over it.

My brother and I had dc around the same time and agreed to avoid the names the other sibling liked. But on MN, this is considered weird. All names are fair game regardless of how you're related.

I think I'd be miffed but what can you realistically do?

You’ll probably get loads of people telling you that you can’t “claim” a name and you are controlling/petty/unsupportive blah blah blah. But back on planet Earth of course what she’s done is hurtful. And of course she knows that you mentioned the names, otherwise what are the odds that she would pick the exact ones you’ve always planned? (I’m assuming they aren’t family names that would have significance for both of you jointly).

It’s a very nasty thing to do and unfortunately she’s (intentionally, I guess) put you in a position where you can’t really confront or challenge her because wider family will just see you being horrible to your sister who’s just had a baby.

Does your sister have form for this? Is she competitive and peevish?

Well first come first served I guess! Are you expecting ATM or TTC yet ? If not You cant really bagsy a name for future reference ! There are lots of lovely names to choose and I wouldnt worry about it too much ,Just enjoy your lovely new niece and being an Auntie FTB.

I think when you have a newborn the name can feel really a big deal. But my cousin has almost the same name as me - well it is the same just she is a K initial and I am a C and we are close un age. And my brother gave his sin the same name as my eldest son and it’s fine! I just have good taste as my son is twelve years older than his! My uncle also had good taste as my parents copied my slightly elder cousin’s name almost. Honestly not a problem 🙂

Excuse typos!!

If you're pregnant I'd call her bluff and say that's lovely, the cousins will share a first name!

My daughter (born first) has the same middle name as my nieces first same. Beyond thinking my sibling lacked originality I’ve not really stressed about it.

Are you pregnant?

Definitely make it clear that you will still be using the names regardless! What a bloody mean thing for her to do!

I know that you cant claim names but I agree that this is infuriating.

I no longer speak to my sister and this was one of those reasons. She used to tell memories that I knew had happened to me as if they were her own and even when i questioned her she held firm. Some memories would have been impossible to be hers due to timings.

Over the years she did lots of things including the baby name.

It wasnt the actual lies that upset me but the blatant gaslighting and the fact that she was willing to tell everyone that I was the mad one.

It went on for many years before I woke up and took a couple of years of therapy to help with the many years of self doubt.

Not saying that she is as bad OP but keep it in mind in future.

Even if you aren't pregnant, aren't ttc, don't have a partner, etc. I think it's a pretty shitty thing for a sister to do deliberately.

But, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, I couldn't tell you a single person's "favourite" name for their child though I'm sure several close friends have told me at some point. This was a big deal to you but I think for most people, when they have those conversations, it just washes over them and they don't remember.

Just use the names anyway.

She's being a twat - pay her back in her own coin, and give your babies the names you love.

People saying you can’t reserve names... well no, but you can be upset. I know my best friend is called her baby girl (if she has one) Lily, so I know that’s not an option for me.

calling

I completely understand. A close friend had known my two chosen top boy/girl names. She named her first child one of these names and I just thought it was a coincidence. Then when she was pregnant the second time she started talking about using the other name. I basically said WTF, would you actually do that!?

It’s weird. I don’t think there’s malicious intent, it’s just that names, like objects, potential partners etc. become more attractive when someone you respect has them.

It’s bloody weird. Yes nobody owns a name but why would you do that?
She’s being a cow

Depends what the names are.. like if it's after your grandad, then it'd be after her grandad too. Or a name from a film you loved as a kid, well chances are she has good memories of it too.. etc etc. But if it's really unusual/personal to you, then yeh it's a bit shitty.

Are u pregnant

Very mean. Maybe you’ll have a boy and she’ll have a girl though so it won’t be so much of a problem. As a comfort, my favourite baby names for an imaginary second DC 😢 are completely different to what they were 15 years ago. You may change your mind.