WIBU message friend re Wedding invite

[reservoircats]

Hi all,

I have a friend who I used to be very close with. She has treated me quite poorly in the past 4 or so years, often wanting to meet up but bailing last minute, or just not replying for months to any messages after we had plans in place. It is not just me she has done this to from the friendship group. I invited her to my wedding as I wanted everyone from the friendship group to be there, and didn’t want to leave her out. When I saw her before our last meet, she explained that her last relationship (3 years) had turned very controlling and he became violent and intrusive and would take away her phone, hence the lack of communication. I’ve since seen her again and we had a long overdue catch up for an afternoon.

A week after I last saw her, she messaged me with a screenshot of booked flights for the wedding (she moved up to Scotland recently for her new job), saying that she will be attending. The flights were for a different date, so I messaged her saying either she had booked the wrong flight or sent me the wrong screenshot. She did not reply.

This weekend is the deadline on the invite for the RSVPs, I messaged her on Monday asking if she had sorted the flights out as I need to know by the end of this week.
The Invite deadline is a few weeks earlier than the actual deadline, but she doesn’t know that.

She has not replied and it is now past the invite deadline. She has been online on WhatsApp and posted on her Instagram this weekend.
What would you do in this situation? Dignified silence or affirmative message?
WIBU to message her saying that I assume she cannot make it given that I haven’t heard from her, and that it’s a shame she won’t be attending. I want her to know that because of her shite communication, she won’t be coming. I’m also concerned that if I don’t message her, she will think it’s ok to message in a few weeks with her new flight details saying she can come now, and I want her to know that she is not an exception.
What should I do?

Just message her saying you're sorry she's not coming and hope you get a catch up soon. Some things aren't worth stressing about. Then put it out of your mind.

She's obviously a bit flakey.

Call her? If she doesn’t pick up leave a voicemail and explain you need to know by x date for definite please and hope she can come. Her previous message certainly sounds as if she wants to come.

Then if no reply I’d assume she’s a decline.

Things get lost in translation in written format.

You need to have a proper verbal conversation with her I think.

Good luck and congratulations!

I'd send what you suggested. Assume she isn't coming and let her know that. I can't stand flakey people. It takes seconds to text.

"Hi friend, need to confirm numbers for seating plan & catering. Not heard from you re previous messages, so assume you're not coming. Final deadline is X, so if you are coming, please let me know by then so that I can include you on the day"

Pick up the phone, you're supposed to be friends .... unless of course you're more determined to make a point.

Call or message her. She appears to have wanted to/intended to come so just call to confirm. She has technically already rsvp'd even though the screenshot was wrong.

You may not be surprised if she is under coercive control of this man. Who takes away a partners phone? Message her kindly . He will want to cut off her friends. He will read her messages

I agree with PP, just call her and ask.

Call her?

What @letmebefrank said.

I'd ring her and ask. If she doesnt answer then tell her to confirm either way if shes coming by x date otherwise you'll assume shes not coming. If you dont hear back then presume shes not coming.

Agree you should call her. Is she still with her partner as he won't want her to be going to the wedding and may have sabotaged her plans. Is he invited too?

She finished with her partner 6 months ago, and he since has moved back to a different country. They broke up before I was engaged. She works in a boarding school so it's very unlikely that she will answer during the day . I'll call her tomorrow evening and if she doesn't answer I will send what @daftodil has said.
Im just extremely confused that she has gone to the trouble of booking flights but then won't reply to me for a month and then again for a week, yet has been online and posting on other social media. I wouldn't dream of doing the same thing to someone else. I do agree that she has technically RSVPd, I just need to know for definite because i can't afford to pay for someone who won't actually be attending.