To not go to husband's step dad's funeral?

[Orangesandbananas]

• Husband didn't like his step dad, he beat him when he was a kid
• Me and our DCs not close to this man either and hardly saw him

WIBU not to go to his funeral? It'd mean a very long drive to Scotland, time off work and school etc.

This is just for me and DCs - husband will go.

Thanks for all the comments everyone. It's very interesting to see such opposing views on this. There's a clear 'you should go, that's what you do in families' view and a clear 'why on earth would you go' camp. From that my conclusion is that's a very personal and individual issue (ie there's no one 'right' etiquette or way).

I've decided to go as DH obviously wants me to and so of course I will support him, even though I personally do not want to go or see the need.

It is very confusing as he's always hated this man and is not at all sad about his death, but despite his reasons for needing me there being unexplainable and unfathomable, it's worth going if it keeps the marital peace.

His mother didn’t sound too ‘lovely’ when she was letting her husband beat a small child

You aren't being unreasonable, but if your husband and your mother-in-law want you there, that would be a good enough reason for me to go. Sometimes, it matters that you show up in life. A lot of time men are accused of not sharing their feelings. If your husband has said that he wants to go in spite of the fact that this man was bad to him, then there is a lot of complexity there. It would be valuable to him to have the people who most love him, his wife and children, there to support him and to make him feel that in spite of the bleakness of his own childhood, he has been able to forge a meaningful and good life with all of you.