to want one meal that just appears?

[DrSeuss]

If it's my turn to cook, then I either ensure that I have the ingredients in advance or look in the cupboard/fridge/freezer and cook something based on what is there. I just get on with it despite working 35 hours a week and juggling the activities of two very busy kids, I don't have any family help. I have a meal ready for DH's return from work at 7. All of his meals just appear in front of him. He doesn't have any input, I do it all as he is at work.

AIBU to want him, on the one day a week when he rather grudgingly cooks, to just cook? I have to tell him what to cook, check we have everything, explain multiple times how to cook really simple things, then answer constant questions about what to do even with a written recipe in front of him. What pan should he use? How long should he cook it? Where is this? Can I just help find that? Any relaxation is out the window as I have to put down my book or stop my film to sort him out again. I try to suggest really simple things to cook or even just tell him to buy Lidl lasagne or similar but still we have to play twenty questions. His job requires him to examine a problem then find a solution then prepare a plan and he seems to manage that.

Just once it would be so nice to have a meal that requires no mental energy, no thought, no effort at all, just like he has six nights a week.

OP, you are allowing this.

Tell him clearly that X day is his and you will no longer be in any way engaging with him other than to compliment him afterwards for it.

If this is too big a stretch, you need to up it to two days so that he gets more practice.

To say what you have written would piss me off is putting it mildly.

Make things crystal clear and stick to it.

No YANBU

I used to have this problem. I now say which nights DH needs to cook and i absent myself during the process - go for a run or a shower etc & just refuse to be involved. It does mean eating whatever shite gets produced, however after 2 or 3 weeks of refusing to enable him, DH started to actually give it an ounce of the brain activity he dedicates to his job and reasonable meals are now produced. Not always what I'd choose or how I might prepare things but not the point.

I wish! What I'd like is somebody to say here is a list of meals, here's a shopping list and you don't have to think of what to cook. Then somebody to wash up afterwards so I don't have to do it all.

50 years ago, on return from honeymoon, my DDad asked DM what was for dinner. According to family legend her response was ‘whatever you chose to cook, darling’ along with provision of a cook book as she swanned out of their flat. By the time we arrived he happily did half the cooking. Can I suggest a similar approach?

YANBU. DP does some cooking (but more housework) than me. He keeps it simple but can produce good meals. So maybe I'd do curry from scratch and he'd do fish finger, peas and oven chips. But a meal he does is one I don't have to!

DH has set days for cooking. When I plan meals for the week, I ask DH what he wants to cook on his days.

I do the weekly shop because I find it easier to do on my own but, knowing what he wants to cook, it's not an issue to just pick up any necessary ingredients.

DH is, however, capable of following a recipe, but definitely has a repertoire of meals he's really happy making.

Have a conversation in which you explain your expectations then go out, don’t return until the agreed mealtime. If it’s not ready, say nothing but be absent until it is. May take some time and self control, but should be worth it.
If that doesn’t work, be unavoidably absent several nights that you are scheduled to cook.

Yanbu.
This is why I am very happily getting divorced. Can't be arsed with this.Every day on mn there's a hundred posts reminding.

Can you not try telling him you’re not attracted to any man who is incapable of cooking a meal unassisted?

Sunday is my day off of cooking, and my husband makes a roast every week. He has it down to perfection now, and his Yorkshire Puddings are things to be marvelled at! Could he have a regular day, and a regular meal, so it's something he can make his own?

Perhaps he should cook more often? Get more practice in!

YANBU to want that. It sounds like he lacks confidence if he's doing things like asking about pans. There may be laziness and entitlement in there as well, but it could all be down confidence.

He isn't going to get better while you keep stepping in for him, though. Suggest a cooking class to him. Let him train with you on other weekend meals. Or just point him at youtube. But do tell him it's not on and you aren't going to be picking up the slack on his day any more - he needs to do it all. Then stop picking up the slack.

How about a slow cooker recipe? Something like beef stew? Leave him all the stuff out and he bungs it on first thing in the morning. It will be ready for evening time.

OH does most of the cooking, he’s a decent enough cook. When we first moved in I told him the rule was first in cooks dinner. It tended to be him (although we did sometimes have to debate who was actually “first in” that day) He never complained about it and over the years his cooking repertoire has increased. Your OH does it because you let him.

The same way as my OH claims he can’t do DD’s hair and I always step in and do it. If I was that bothered, I’d just stop doing it.

Tell him he is getting a good gig having a dinner given to him 6 days out of 7. On the day he cooks - he cooks. You don't have any input. And if he comes to you saying "what pan" or whatever just go back to what you are doing and say "up to you" over and over and over again.

He is being a bit of an arse isn't he.

I aven't voted either way, as of course YANBU to want the meal just served to you, but, YABU to enable him to drag you into it each time.
If it actually has to be then go out - make him do it.
Accept that it is going to be spag bol (or whatever) 6 weeks in a row until he is confident making that, then maybe suggest something else.
But let him know it is down to him and stick with it.

Can you text him in his way home?

Darling which pan?
Do we have onions?
How long does the fish take?

OH does the cleaning, and he is thorough. I will make meals and fill the washing machine, he takes it out and dries it. Well puts in on the line or the yoke you put indoors.

He is a non perfect individual, same goes for me. We all have our differences.

WTF really is going on here re OP?

My DH was like this, I just started saying It don't know' to every single question, he soon got the message. The food wasn't perfect but at least i didn't have to cook it!
We now also use gusto which he cooks perfectly as the guide is very simple and all the ingredients are pre measured.

Just say to him what you've said here! He's a fully competent adult, he can cook without your input. Stop telling him what to cook, you're setting up a situation where you're in charge and he's following your plan. Then just "I don't know" to every question and if he pesters you, go out to the shop/for a walk/whatever. Short term pain for long term gain! Once you've tackled that, maybe get him to cook more than once a week...

I'd like to know the reasoning behind the YABU vote.

Could he have a regular day, and a regular meal, so it's something he can make his own?

How condescending! ‘Aw, lickle man, can manage one dish - well done!‘

Why should op be expected to cook all the rest of the time??

Can you just tell him exactly as you've written in the post? Along the lines of I don't give a fuck if it's beans on toast, provided I don't have to think about it or answer any questions. I'm going to watch a film/bath with headphones in

I would actually make sure I was out of the house (visit friends/family, go to gym/coffee shop/pub) and leave him to get on with it.
If you are doing the weekly shop, ask him to specify what he wants you to get.