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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have not taken her a present?

25 replies

Paranoid26 · 02/02/2020 15:51

Name changed as potentially very outing. I visited a friend who had a baby 7 months ago. I met her through DH and she is not a really really close friend but I do like her. Before that I had seen her last when I did a favour for her when she was pregnant. I went round to hers a couple of weeks ago for a couple of hours, met the baby had a catch up etc.

I only really realised today (I have a lot on my plate atm, recent loss, trying to keep all plates spinning and so on) that I didn't take her a gift. I would normally always take a gift when meeting a new friends baby for the first time. Now I feel bad. Do you think she would be annoyed/put out/hurt? Opinions pls.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2020 15:53

Well none of us know her so I guess we can only go on our own reactions.

Personally, it wouldn't cross my mind to expect a gift.

Ameliablue · 02/02/2020 15:54

She probably didn't even think about it herself

Mamabear88 · 02/02/2020 15:54

I honestly wouldnt worry about it at all. I dont think I'd expect a present 7 months after my baby was born, especially from someone I wasn't overly close to. Did you send a card at the time of the birth? I think that's the main thing x

ChillyAnkles · 02/02/2020 15:54

If she's a nice person she's probably not bothered, just happy to have the company and support. If it bothers you take one next time!

user1493413286 · 02/02/2020 15:56

It wouldn’t occur to me as a parent but if you’d normally have done it then maybe message her saying you’ve just realised and will bring something next time

UndertheCedartree · 02/02/2020 15:58

I wouldn't expect it even from a close friend. I'm sure you're fine and it didn't even cross her mind.

TheNoiseHurts · 02/02/2020 16:00

I mean I pressed YABU.

As in, YABU, you shouldn't worry.

But I think people are also posting YANBU, you're busy don't worry about it.

So that voting system doesn't work.

FuzzyAtmosphere · 02/02/2020 16:04

I pressed YABU as in YABU to have thought you needed to get a gift. Sorry if that wasn’t the voting button that covered that.

I wouldn’t expect a gift from my closest friends and definitely not from someone seven months after my baby was born, when they were someone I hardly ever see.

WaggleWiggle · 02/02/2020 16:06

I think if it was born seven months ago you don’t really need to take a gift and one shouldn’t be expected, although of course it would be nice to receive.

daisypond · 02/02/2020 16:18

Wouldn’t occur to me to take a gift

ddl1 · 02/02/2020 16:20

I don't think most people expect a gift for having a new baby! They're much more interested in your showing admiration for the baby. Of course, you know this particular friend, and whether she wants a present for every occasion; but it wouldn't occur to me as necessary.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/02/2020 16:23

I think, unless she's a particularly grabby sort of person, she probably would have been surprised if you HAD turned up with a gift, so stop worrying about it!

I had DS2 after I'd lived in this place for 3 years, had a few friends and wasn't at all surprised that most of them did NOT give me a gift. I was more surprised when they did! Especially one friend, who was pretty new, who sent me flowers and a balloon in hospital - lovely but totally unexpected!

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 02/02/2020 16:30

No not expected at all - I always think back very fondly to the people who bothered to visit when I had my dc’s - I don’t remember whether they brought presents or not!

Beautiful3 · 02/02/2020 16:36

I think its nice that you visited. Perhaps you can buy a pack of pretty baby grows for next time, in a lot bigger size than she is. She will be grateful for that.

Original poster

Paranoid26 · 02/02/2020 16:41

Okay, thanks everyone. Didn't send a card either when baby was born, hadn't thought about that but now feel a bit bad about that. The couple are very much more DH friends than mine but there's no point expecting a man to remember cards etc is there

OP posts:

Pilot12 · 02/02/2020 16:43

No, not at all. I wouldn't expect a gift at seven months.

UndertheCedartree · 02/02/2020 16:45

@paranoid - I'm sure she appreciated the visit and I wouldn't worry about not sending a card.

hellcarryingahandbag · 02/02/2020 16:59

Why not send a small present directly from Amazon, if you are going to continue to hound yourself about it?

Ponoka7 · 02/02/2020 17:02

Just do a personalised 1st birthday card, when the time comes and if you want to spend/give a bit more to make up for the lack of a new baby gift.

Martian11 · 02/02/2020 17:10

New parents get loads of gifts when the baby is born often too many, then it's a bit ' you're on your own now,' when anyone in our family or people whom we are close to has a baby, we wait a few months then get something for the parents.

Say a nice bottle of wine or some chocolates and flowers.

It always goes down very well.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 02/02/2020 17:25

Did you send a card at the time of the birth?

I've never "sent" a card to anyone after having a baby. I would (sometimes) bring a card and gift if it was a close friend or relative and I was visiting in the early days. Sometimes I would just give a gift and no card. But I have never ever sent a card to a mother after having a baby.

So don't feel bad, OP.

Ohyesiam · 02/02/2020 17:26

You’ve not missed your moment op, you can still get her a gift.

Frenchw1fe · 02/02/2020 17:34

Visit again and take a gift with the explanation you had just seen the perfect gift.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 02/02/2020 17:44

Honestly post partum they will not have noticed who sent cards/presents.

badg3r · 02/02/2020 20:59

You can still give a gift! Or send a first birthday present in a few months.

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