Re housework and manners?

[Keeva2017]

Context
I’m on mat leave with second baby now 10 weeks and also have dd age 3. Dp left for work today at 1 and will finish at midnight. Prior to maternity leave I worked full time (as does dp) and will be returning full time. Just for Info.

To the issue. Both of us downstairs, whilst dp was getting ready for work, pottering around, I was sorting clothes that I had washed, folded packed and unpacked (literally just moved house a few days ago). I put them in a pile and said “don’t forget to take these clothes up with you when you go upstairs”. He replied with “a please would be nice”

There was no thanks for my effort into doing his washing and unpacking btw. Manners are important but in this case it wound me up because it felt as though he viewed it as doing me a favour?

I know this is ridiculously minor but it’s just bugging me and maybe I was unreasonable not to say please? Collective wisdom please so either way I can stop annoying myself with it!

Thanks

as we are working through other things I need to mindful about my tone.

And what is he being mindful of?

Couples are meant to be a team. When you have small children there is so much work to do that couples need to pull together. He was not pulling together with you by not taking the clothes upstairs. He was asserting his 'right' not to do any housework while you are on mat leave, by requesting a please when you gave him a reminder of a very basic and simple task. He is fucking rude and this is the first step of him becoming a controlling knob. Nip it in the bud - make sure he does his share of the house work and child care. Lazy fucking bastard.

I think your tone of voice can say please even if you don't literally say the word. You can also say 'please' in a very rude way and it's very rigid to think that saying 'please' per se makes it polite. That said, manner are not just for when someone is doing you a favour. They should be ubiquitous.

Is there a chance that you’re both tired and feeling a bit taken for granted?

I think it makes a difference if you say "Please take these things upstairs" and "Take these clothes up please."

That said, YANBU. Please is not "manners" in this context.

I know what you mean about tone of voice.

I think your tone of voice can say please even if you don't literally say the word

This is true, and I imagine by the third time of asking, any hint of 'please' would have disappeared from my tone voice too.

@Keeva2017 while I am sure you did not mean ...

@MikeUniformMike

Oh thank goodness for some politeness! Please and thank you between DPs and DCs means so much.