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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help! Do I cancel surprise trip?

172 replies

hoolydooly · 02/02/2020 11:13

Sorry in advance for another coronavirus thread! Struggling with a decision and wondering if people can help me decide...

So, one week from now we are due to go on a trip to Japan, booked last September. DH and I lived there many moons ago and I booked this as a surprise - a huge surprise as we're more "camping in Cornwall" types rather than big international jetsetters! Going with 4 children in tow (youngest age 5).

Enter coronavirus. Japan has 20 cases so far. They are asking Japanese nationals they have repatriated to self-quarantine, rather than imposing quarantine as we have in the UK. Japan gets huge numbers of Chinese tourists, and has only restricted entry to those from Hubei province. According to this map (gisanddata.maps.arcgis.com/apps/opsdashboard/index.html#/bda7594740fd40299423467b48e9ecf6) there are 5k cases elsewhere in China.

If we do go, we will be in Tokyo for a few days and will likely come into contact with a lot of travellers from China. I want to stress I am in no way being racist here (I have seen accusations of racism being bandied about on other threads). It's just a fact that there are more cases in China right now, so contact with Chinese travellers poses more of a risk.

So...now I am worried. I can't discuss with DH as he doesn't know about the trip! I really don't want to cancel. We'd get no money back, and it cost a fortune! But the thought of something happening to our children (or us) is giving me pause for thought. I suffer from health anxiety so perhaps I am worrying too much.

What do you think?

YABU = you're being silly, go and enjoy yourself
YANBU = not worth the risk - cancel your trip

If IABU, please be gentle! ;-)

OP posts:
Fatasfooook · 02/02/2020 11:45

Tell your dh. He needs the time to consider if he wants to take the risk. I’d go though

Esspee · 02/02/2020 11:47

If you have travel insurance for everyone contact them to see if you’re covered for cancellation. Tell your husband and make it a joint decision.

JessJonesJumps · 02/02/2020 11:48

Can't you still tell him in the 'cool' way you had planned - just earlier? I think you both need to discuss it. As with PPs, I'd be checking FCO advice and basing my decision on their advice and on the general health of my family.

firawla · 02/02/2020 11:49

Definitely time to tell him and discuss together

DartmoorChef · 02/02/2020 11:49

Make sure you have travel insurance that covers you. I would go but I would also be a bit worried. This seems to be changing fast, so what would happen if you got stranded there. I think that would be my main concern.

Louise91417 · 02/02/2020 11:50

Go...if it was unsafe government wouldnt allow you into japan...

recklessgran · 02/02/2020 11:51

Don't be daft OP I wouldn't tell and yes, I'd go. Life is full of risks wherever you are. Are you planning on leaving England because we have a couple of confirmed cases here? Have a great time.

GreyishDays · 02/02/2020 11:52

Do you need to decide now? Sorry if I’ve missed that bit.

Original poster
hoolydooly · 02/02/2020 11:53

@northernittledonkey I was planning to surprise him in dribs and drabs. Train journey up to London next Sunda, implying a mini break there. Then lots of hints that we might be going to Rome (have been learning Italian!). Then stay overnight at Heathrow airport and let the penny drop when we go to the JAL check-in desk...

Also planning some reunions over there with old friends. Would be so nice if it works out!

OP posts:
Original poster
hoolydooly · 02/02/2020 11:55

@Gizlotsmum Yes, I've been trying to sound him out a bit. Can't give him the exact scenario as I don't think I could keep a straight face, but I have talked about crowded cities, etc. He is generally pretty relaxed about it all - as I said, I am the worrier.

The only other time I have surprised him with a trip to Japan was pre-kids in 2003....when SARS broke out. My timing is terrible!

OP posts:
TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 02/02/2020 11:55

I wouldn’t feel like going to be honest but do not cancel yet unless you are getting your money back.

If you wait until the advise is not to travel to Japan or flights are getting cancelled, the cost will be covered by the travel insurance.

GoodDogBellaBoo · 02/02/2020 11:55

I’d go!

JosefKeller · 02/02/2020 11:55

I wouldn't take my 5 year old personally.

You need to talk to your husband, find another cool way to reveal the surprise and do it now.

Part of the beauty of trips is to look forward to them, give him a week to a) enjoy the idea but more importantly b) think about it!

Changeembrace · 02/02/2020 11:58

I’d 100% go unless either of you are immune compromised

For the vast vast majority - it’s like the flu.
Those those weakened - it can be more serious.
Just like normal flu!

Original poster
hoolydooly · 02/02/2020 11:58

@Greyishdays No, no need for me to cancel right now particularly. I just feel the need to make my mind up as there will be things to get ready.

OP posts:
burnoutbabe · 02/02/2020 11:58

I really can't get my head around having this sort of thing as a surprise. Do you not share finances at all or are you funding this totally separate? I'd be very hacked off if my money was being used this way without any agreement.

I'd tell him now, give him a chance to pack correctly, look up guide books, organise phone contract. Plan for not being at home for x weeks? Does he not have a job he needs time off from or kids needing to be in school?

Changeembrace · 02/02/2020 11:58

*The only other time I have surprised him with a trip to Japan was pre-kids in 2003....when SARS broke out. My timing is terrible!
Did you go?

Original poster
hoolydooly · 02/02/2020 12:00

@burnoutbabe He won't be hacked off! We have spoken for years about doing this, and he know he would be 100% on board. I have managed to keep it secret by using a new budgeting app and telling him I will track our finances for now. Luckily no questions were asked!

OP posts:
Original poster
hoolydooly · 02/02/2020 12:02

@Changeembrace Re: did we go during SARS. We were already there! Flew out via HK and then it all kicked off. We did fly back direct to avoid going back via HK. No kids to consider then.

@burnoutbabe No need to get all worried about jobs/school/jooint finances, etc. That is all in hand! I am just asking advice health-wise regarding the trip, not the whole logistics of it.

OP posts:
JosefKeller · 02/02/2020 12:03

For the vast vast majority - it’s like the flu.
is it though.. How much do you fancy a hospital stay in Japan? Very modern and well equiped, but a long way from home.

If it was as mild as the papers state, there wouldn't be such an international emergency. I am not trying to go into conspiracy theory nonsense either, but just look at the facts that we know and think.

RhubarbTea · 02/02/2020 12:03

I think you need to tell him now, it will still be a surprise but you might need to let go of the way you planned it as he deserves to have an opinion about whether he wants to go or not.

Skittlesandbeer · 02/02/2020 12:07

Embrace the global virus outbreaks as part of your family traditions! Joke that it was only hearing about corona that tempted you to book this trip Grin

Seriously, there’s no place so concerned with cleanliness and ‘personal space’ as Japan, you’re probably safer there than anywhere.

saraclara · 02/02/2020 12:11

Go!
Definitely go. Presumably your friends are happy to live there, and you're just going for a little while!

Original poster
hoolydooly · 02/02/2020 12:12

@Skittlesandbeer
Embrace the global virus outbreaks as part of your family traditions! Joke that it was only hearing about corona that tempted you to book this trip grin

Hehe! Like it!

I must admit I am slightly tempted to spill the beans and get his take on it, but that is more for my sake than his. It means I can discuss it with him and get his relaxed perspective on things. I am 100% sure he would go if I would, so telling him would not be for his benefit at all. I feel like I should work this out on my own and keep the surprise rather than burdening him with the decision-making!

OP posts:
user1493494961 · 02/02/2020 12:13

Go, and have an amazing time.

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