To think there will always be a sadness there

[stamping]

No children.

I haven’t totally given up hope but it’s a possibility it won’t ever happen.

Does the sadness ever go?

It's not to late at 40 to have a baby yourself.
Sperm donation?

People in the OP’s position have usually considered all the options. Suggesting things like this as though the OP may not have thought about them is just insulting.

I don't really have much to add. We suffered infertility but we did go ahead and "just adopt".
However I think that similar to any kind of loss, there will always be sadness but there can also be healing and joy. Ikora's 4 examples are a really good illustration of the the different ways people deal with grief.

What, crystal

Anyway, it’s probably one of those things. Still in the midst of finding children enormously painful to be around.

@Streamside how do you go about doing that can you pm? I'd love to do that.

OP sorry you're going through this.

www.chernobyl-children.org.uk
There's a very high demand for host families.The two little 12 yr old boys I had this year both lived with their grandmothers and were the men of the house so looked after the vegetable garden etc.One had been abandoned by his mother after a lengthy period in hospital and the other had a disability which meant he couldn't live with his mother who had a nomadic lifestyle.Average state benefit in Belarus is 12 dollars per month so you can imagine the struggle.
Our extended family and colleagues gained so much from them.They really were beautiful children and I'd wholeheartedly recommend it.

Can we please, as a society, get to a point where we don't say stuff like this when people are talking about not being able to have children?

This!

Agree with the can we stop suggesting adoption and fostering.

People who suggest adoption seem to be of the belief that the UK is chock a block with homeless newborns

The reality is that the period of time when unmarried women willing surrendered children due to social stigma is long over.

Children up for adoption now, tend to be older, having spent formative years in damaging environments leaving them with lifelong trauma.

Modern adoption is not the same as having your own biological children, and people find themselves ruled out of it for lots of reasons because as a PP said it is no longer about finding childless adults a solution, its about the childs best interests

I really hear where you are coming from OP as I am starting to doubt whether it will happen for me

I don’t think the sadness goes but it gets less acute as time goes on.

Counselling can help.

Some things don't get better. Some pains don't ease. Not all suffering is "worth" bearing. There is not "always" hope.

Sometimes life is just deeply unfair and awful without any kind of flipside.

If you are looking at starting ivf then keep the hope up. There is no need to worry about life without children before you have started the treatment for infertility.

No children here, several failed IVFs. Yes, there's a sadness but it gets less as time passes. It's annoying when people say that time heals - but it is also true.

As you get older you get away from being the odd one out in social groups where everyone is having babies, everything revolves around babies and you find that there are a lot of people out there who have no children, or whose children have grown up. So socialising becomes easier.

There often seems to be this expectation a,omg younger people that if you're not having children then you should be either going on exotic holidays, volunteering all the time or devoting your time to being a high flier at work. Again, as you get older you realise that it's ok to have a normal life without children and it's ok to be ordinary and do ordinary things.

In my experience those two things have made life easier and, thus, happier.

If you are looking at starting ivf then keep the hope up. There is no need to worry about life without children before you have started the treatment for infertility

To be brutally honest, theres a very real chance that IVF isn't going to work over 40, so actually pinning all your hopes on this slim chance isn't the greatest idea. Been there. Done that.

Give it a go if you want, but be realistic. A life without children is a real,possibility and it's better to embrace that and prepare for it than stop living your life waiting for something that probably isn't going to happen.

If people were more realistic about the chances of conceiving, and more accepting of people who didn't have children for whatever reason, then people ,au be a bit happier.

And adopted and fostered children are not consolation prizes for infertile people. The OP has already stated it is not for her and this should be respected.

She is dealing with sadness and this should be accepted and respected.

Exactly, Leigh.

We tried for a child for 8 years and I was almost suicidal with the grief, stress and loss. I turned 40 and decided it was time to draw a line and move on. 6 weeks later I fell pregnant. How i see it is that my life pre-dc was in black & white but now it's in colour. But some things are much, much better in black and white! One isnt better than the other, just different. Your life still has meaning.

I don't think it ever goes away completely but it does get easier. I decided to stop trying at 40 as I couldn't go through another miscarriage. Not that I think 40 is too old. Every time I heard a friend or colleague was pregnant I felt as though I'd been kicked in the stomach. I distanced myself from friends that were pregnant or had babies. Now I'm nearly 50 and I find those feelings have got less as time goes on. I still get the odd pang when I hear a friend is pregnant and I can't go to baby showers but it's not such a strong physical reaction now.
It's not for everyone but getting our little dog really helped as it's another living thing that requires us to care for it and focus on. Before someone pounces on me as they did the last time I said that, I am very aware pets are not a substitute for children.

I’ll be 46 this month. For me the sadness still hasn’t gone away. I dint think it ever will completely. I get so sad thinking about my husband and me in old age with no family coming to visit us.

I'm 42. I get tearful about it if I dwell on it for too long so I try not to. I look younger than I am though, and I do find it difficult when colleagues come out with things like you'll understand when you have your own when discussing things like Christmas leave.

Sorry to ask OP, but do you have access to money? Can you remortgage? In the US anything is possible if you have the cash.

Sorry, I meant IVF, obvs.

Sorry to jump on the bandwagon, but is there a single childless (not by choice) woman in the country who won't be aware of, and have already considered, IVF, adoption and fostering? It's a bit like thinking that the suggestion of taking a Paracetamol for a headache is going to be some sort of revelation.

Sadness is part of life. It is part of what shapes us. It is possible to accept childlessness and move through the feelings and move forward; but yes, you may always feel sad about it.

I’m at peace with my childlessness. Yes there is the odd moment but I no longer view motherhood through rose tinted specs.

You have my sympathy. I was in a similar position and did a lot of work around what my life could look like without kids.

I did have them (last go at ivf) which is not helpful and I'm not going to compare but I found quite a lot of support both online and counselling. For me I needed to have a plan b of what life would be like and dh desperately needed us to move forward and that did kinda help a bit with going into that last treatment with an alternative.

What we needed was a definite answer. My infertility was such that ivf was our only possible chance and was clear and explained. I know of others who went back on contraception because they couldn't face the 'maybe this month' tiny bit of hope.