To ask for some cheering up?

[serraserra36]

I'm currently going through a miscarriage, have good support from partner, friends and family but obviously feeling really low, in quite a lot of pain and aware the next few days are going to be beyond grim.

Would IBU to ask for suggestions for how to cheer myself up during this time?

I'd love some ideas for shows to watch, articles to read online, things to order (within reason) and tiny things I can do at home to either distract myself while time passes and make everything feel a little bit less miserable?

Hopefully this thread can be a good list for others having a hard time too. Thank you.

Hi, OP, so sorry for your loss, I can only imagine how you feel.

Watch:

Amazon prime: the marvelous mrs Maisel - really fun and amazing outfits
Netflix: Casa de papel, vis a vis (both Spanish but I love them), Sherlock Holmes, Lucifer, Unbelievable

Read (my favorites from 2019)

• Heart's invisible furies - John Boyne
• Educated - Tara Westover
• Love does & everybody, always - Bob Goff

Things to order:

• a nice bag organiser - life changing
• a 2020 planner if you don't have one
• diary for your daily notes/bullet journal

Things to do

• Duolingo is a great app - perhaps start a language course. Is there a language you'd perhaps always wanted to learn?
• calm - another great app for meditation, might be worth a try
• gym? Maybe some light classes such as yoga, pilates, etc

Thank you for such a kind and thoughtful list @readingismycardio - some are familiar (loved Educated) but most aren't and so I'll enjoy working my way through your recommendations. And a bag organiser! Didn't know These existed!

@serraserra36 I'm so so happy you liked them!!

More book recommendations:

• where the crawdads sing - Delia Owens
• city of girls - Elizabeth Gilbert (a bit cheesy but I really loved it)

Re buying:
do you like changing things at home? I love buying things such as throws, pillows, decorative items or even practical things: new towels, new bedding

I'm a sucker for candles, I love the bath and body works ones, and maybe a couple things for lovely baths such as the rituals range: body lotions, shower gels, scrubs?

Also, do you have a skincare routine? I love skincare routines, so if you'll just tell me yours and what kind of skin type you have (or any concerns) I can help with that toow

Free comedy videos on youtube

Trashy books (regency romance or urban fantasy for me, possibly different for you)

Sitcoms where nothing much bad happens eg Netflix’s The Good Place; or 30Rock from Amazon.

Mindless ipad games that eat time - I like monopoly, agricola, carcassone

(Anything you watch / read a lot of now might in future remind you of this time, so I wouldn’t immerse yourself in anything you want to see a lot of in future, eg for me would avoid watching Friends/Buffy)

Plan a ‘one day’ house redecorating even if don’t actually do it, pinterest can be absorbing and comparing kitchen / bathrooms is fun and again eats time

Mumsnet 😬

xxx

Great suggestions thank you @Skysblue particularly the points about programmes where nothing bad happens (can't deal with tragedy right now) and that what I watch / do might later remind me of this so I'm targeting trashy and forgettable while googling handbag organisers this afternoon...

Thanks for the kind words.

Hopeful bump from my sofa as I feel bleak and bored and it's going to be a long day and a long week.

I'm so sorry. My medicinal movie is Legally Blonde - it always makes me feel a bit better.

Also, I don't know if you like cooking or even feel like thinking about food right now but I love leafing through lovely cookbooks and choosing things to make. I get mine on eBay from second hand book sellers for a couple of quid each.

Have you seen Derry Girls? Made me laugh like a drain.

Take care x

Derry Girls is a fantastic idea thanks @IHeartKingThistle, I saw the first series but will try to find the second. Exactly the kind of heartwarming humour I need today.

Sorry for your loss, I'm so glad you're taking time to care for yourself. My go to cheer ups:

• TV: Frankie and Grace (Netflix), Bridesmaids (Film), fave comedians (often on YouTube - Kevin Bridges makes me weep with laughter).

• Food: balance between comfort food and nutritionally sound food. For me that might mean making a big pot of soup to feast on through the week (and make sure I get my veggies) and then twirl with tea!

• Research: pick a topic you've always wanted to know more about and let yourself fall down a rabbit hole.

• Gentle exercise: if you feel up to it, a very low-key bit of exercise. I love yoga with Adrienne videos, she's got some great ones for all sorts of situations.

• Fresh air: getting outside for even 10 mins and getting some vitamin d and fresh air always makes me feel better.

• Pet therapy: do you have pets? My dog is the best therapist.

• Planning future goals: what do you want to achieve this year that isn't related to fertility e.g. travel somewhere new, learn a new skill etc. Make some mini goals to help you get there.

• Chat: ring a close friend or family member and chat. Doesn't have to be about what you're going through if it don't feel up to it. In my saddest days, I got so much joy from hearing about my loved ones lives.

• Read: pick a comfort read and get stuck in. I can spend the whole day with a novel and it leaves very little room for anything else.

• basic self care: when I'm feeling down one of fine first things to go out the window is basic self care. But I feel so much better when I have a wash, wash my hair, moisturise, drink enough water, eat some food etc. If I'm struggling I decide that today I'm going to treat myself I would a child.

I hope some of that helps! Big hugs xxxx

Thank you @purplefig I'm going to take your advice of getting up and dressed to feel a bit more put together and I also like the idea of trying to get immersed in a book. Appreciate you sharing some suggestions, in fact this whole thread has been so helpful and supportive, grateful for the kindness of strangers.

Plant a shrub in a pot in memory of your lost child. Might sound a bit sad but it's actually very healing to recognise the loss of a life you'd hoped for.

I'm so so sorry for the loss of your baby.

Feelgood TV: Parks & Rec, Kimmy Schmidt. I agree with Legally Blonde. I always watch that when I'm really down. Or reruns of Poirot.

I love @purplefig's list. I think she has loads of good ideas.

Take care of your body - long baths with nice oils or salt.
healthy comfort food - dark chocolate, berries, soups, seedy bread etc.

A plant is a lovely idea, thank you for the suggestions @milliefiori xx

Here's how I've taken all your advice so far today...

• went for a walk
• stocked up on face masks and going to try Footner for the first time
• bought a new novel from a charity shop
• ate some chocolate biscuits
• now watching Steel Magnolias with a cup of tea
• have texted a friend about the miscarriage and had a little weep

That sounds like a really good mix of activities ❤️ how're you holding up this evening? If you're tired, a hot soak in the bath + an early night is never a bad idea in my opinion.

As you mentioned telling a friend and having a cry, I thought I'd add: when it comes to processing everything, journaling can be a really great tool for working through tough emotions. Also, and this might seem really hard right now, I find making a short list of things I'm grateful for really cathartic. Reminds me of what my grandad told me, not every day is good, but there's good in every day. Writing it down forces your brain to scan for those little moments

Oh and another activity I forgot to mention is listening to a podcast. There are so many absorbing listens out there! I love listening to them in the bath. Desert Island Discs has a fab archive and there's bound to be interviews with people you're inspired by or want to learn more about.

Ok, I'll stop rambling!

Turns out Steel Magnolias was a bad idea or maybe it's a good idea to let some emotions out!

Baths and gratitude lists sound like a good idea for tonight.

The physical symptoms feel like they've just about gone, just the emotional ones to deal with now.