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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

12th birthday nothing planned.

19 replies

shesgrownhorns · 02/02/2020 10:08

It’s ds’s12 bday which I also share. We’ve bought him surprises and also what he asked for so he’s very happy.

But we’ve not planned a party or ‘event’ to which he can invite friends. He hasn’t really got anyone he wants to invite- he likes everyone and they like him but he’s quite quiet and reserved. ( I’m going off topic that’s a whole other thread)

So no party for either of us just a meal out at the local pub which does a lovely carvery. We’ve got cake and candles for later when when we get pack from our meal.

Auntie and two cousins will probably call in for a short while.

That’s it, really. AIBU I’m not making more of an effort?

OP posts:

Livedandlearned · 02/02/2020 10:09

You could ask him and if he wants to invite a few friends to the cinema or something next weekend he could ?

Livedandlearned · 02/02/2020 10:10

And for what it's worth I think your planned day sounds lovely

DisplayPurposesOnly · 02/02/2020 10:18

You've got a day that suits you. Result

Happy birthdays 🎂

Lifeaback · 02/02/2020 10:19

Happy birthday to you both! How special that you share a birthday- what an amazing present that must have been 12 years ago

No, YADNBU to not be ‘making more of an effort’. Some birthdays are more low-key than others, and it’s not as if he’s begged for some big OTT party that you’ve denied him. It sounds like a lovely day for you both

Butterymuffin · 02/02/2020 10:22

The day sounds lovely but I also agree with @Livedandlearned about inviting a few people to a film another weekend. Might be a way to cement friendships but also it not being the actual day of his birthday might take the pressure off. Have a lovely time

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 02/02/2020 10:25

Your day sounds lovely! Could you invite couple of friends to a sleepover next weekend if he wants to do something with friends?

DeepfriedPizza · 02/02/2020 10:25

I think there’s nothing wrong with celebrating a Birthday quietly. Some parents spend more time and money planning a party/event than they want to. Have a lovely Birthday!

Original poster

shesgrownhorns · 02/02/2020 10:33

He says he just wants it to be family. Auntie and 2 cousins will probably Bob in for cake. Worries me that he hasn’t got a gang of mates he’s keen to socialise with. 😭😭

OP posts:

Iooselipssinkships · 02/02/2020 10:38

This all we ever do. I give mine the option of a party or presents as it's costly.
They tend to chose presents most years and then we allow them to come up with what they want to do for the day. It's usually cinema, bowling or a trampoline park followed by wherever they would like to go eat. They always have a fab day so I wouldn't worry about it OP.

2monstermash · 02/02/2020 10:42

Friends come and go at that age, don't be worried. It's a funny transitional time between being a little kid and a teen, and finding out who you are and who you want to be friends with. It's lovely that he wants to spend time whtb family!

strictlymomdancing · 02/02/2020 10:46

My DD's 12th birthday is next week and I have no idea what to even get her as presents. She says herself that she doesn't know.

We are taking her and some friends into the city for lunch and shopping but it would be nice to have some presents to open. Sorry to hijack your thread but hoping for ideas!

Mrsjayy · 02/02/2020 10:53

I think that sounds lovely a shared birthday meal he doesn't have to do anything different if he doesn't want to, maybe see if he wants to do something next year for his 13th,

Mrsjayy · 02/02/2020 10:56

Mine sometimes did stuff with friends sometimes not it really isn't a huge deal.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 02/02/2020 11:00

My son is 12 today too and we have a very similar day planned. He chose a takeaway rather than a meal out, but otherwise pretty much the same.
There really isn't any "should" here. Both of you are happy, so it's fine.

JustDanceAddict · 02/02/2020 11:02

Sounds good to me!
Age 12 is a funny year - I think mine has a few friends round but neither had a lot of friends at that age - or a close group (and it changes a lot).

Beamur · 02/02/2020 11:02

My DD who is shortly 13 has asked for this for her birthday! No fuss. No party.

ButtonandPickle19 · 02/02/2020 11:05

You would be unreasonable to insist on a party he doesn’t want. He’s having the day he wants so you’re being a wonderful mother.

Lack of friends is an entirely different issue. It would be weird to invite one or two people he’s not been previously close to.

Mulledwineinajug · 02/02/2020 11:37

I think that’s lovely. We had a family meal and cheap weekend away for my son’s 12th birthday. Offered to invite a friend, he didn’t want to. It’s his birthday, his choice and I wouldn’t want him to feel that there’s anything wrong with liking spending time with his family!

PhilCornwall1 · 02/02/2020 11:50

We've said to our youngest who is now 13, this the last year he is having anything planned for him and his mates. His birthday was January, but he wants to wait until the warmer weather, as it's a beach thing he wants to do.

It's not going to be cheap and to be honest, in Year 8 he doesn't need all this "party" stuff anymore. We've had years of it and it's now time to stop.

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