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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU?

26 replies

BoomBoomBoomLetMeHearYouSay · 02/02/2020 08:35

Yesterday I went out with friends for lunch. The plan was that after lunch I would pick something up for me and DH to have for dinner.

During lunch one of my friends was visibly quite teary at certain points. She’s just had a bereavement. She also had to leave the lunch early due to childcare issues.

After we were finished lunch I decided (on a bit of a whim) to pop in to my friends house on the way home with some flowers and for a cup of tea. I felt she was upset and needed some company. Her DH works weekends so I knew she would be on her own. She lives nearby.

I call my husband and explain this, tell him I have picked up something for dinner but am not ready to eat yet anyway (as I’ve just had a big lunch).

At the time I call him I’m thinking I might be half an hour at the friends but end up being an hour and a half. She was really pleased to see me and quite obviously would have liked me to stay longer. This friend has been there for me in the past through thick and thin.

When I get home he is pissed off. He is “starving” “has no energy as he hasn’t eaten” and says I should be more thoughtful of him. This is about 7.30 / 8 so lateish for dinner but i’d also said to him I wasn’t ready to eat at 6.30.

My point is that he’s a grown adult and could have grabbed some soup or else texted me and said he was really hungry and unless I was going to be finished soon was just going to eat without me? Which would have been fine.

For context I am 6 months pregnant and have not been out a lot with friends recently at all. The rest of the weekend we will spend together.

AIBU?

I’m pissed off now. I don’t think I should be made to feel bad about trying to do something nice for a friend.

OP posts:
Xmasfairy86 · 02/02/2020 08:39

Good god no. He’s a fully grown twat. It takes seconds to text ‘you gunna be much longer, I’m hungry’ and you could have then responded, I’ll be a bit longer than thought, grab something for yourself and I’ll sort dinner when I’m home.

MrsGolightyly · 02/02/2020 08:39

He needs to lighten up. YANBU, although could you have sent him a text? That would have helped the situation.

Iusedtobeapartygirl · 02/02/2020 08:39

He is being ridiculous. If he was so hungry he should have made himself some dinner.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 02/02/2020 08:39

He was totally unreasonable. Some people do get hangry though. Yes, he should have just made himself a snack. Just explain that your friend needed you more and that she's really been there for you. All in all though, once that's said, it isn't worth falling out over. Life is too short as I'm sure your friend will agree.

CSIblonde · 02/02/2020 08:41

Was the fridge padlocked then? Has he lost the use of his arms & legs? You did a lovely thing for an upset friend. He's an arse. Is he going to expect you to stop mid feed of the baby & make him meals too? If he has form for being this childish & this rigid you need to be firmer. Sounds like a sulk because you spent time elsewhere, which it's your choice too.

justilou1 · 02/02/2020 08:41

How hard is it to make a toastie?

tinyme77 · 02/02/2020 08:42

I think that you should have texted him to say that you were going to be even later so that he could have eaten something if he was hungry.

ButtonandPickle19 · 02/02/2020 08:43

He’s hangry and will feel ridiculous looking back. My DH gets like that when he’s hungry but knows he’s being silly

Original poster
BoomBoomBoomLetMeHearYouSay · 02/02/2020 08:44

Yeah, I could have texted. I just didn’t think there was any problem though 🤷🏼‍♀️ - when I spoke to him on the phone he was like “that’s fine, no rush”.

I’m just pissed off now - had a lovely lunch with friends which I feel he then took the shine off. I am pregnant, uncomfortable and don’t feel like I have done much fun stuff recently.

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 02/02/2020 08:46

Agree he could've texted you to ask how long you'd be.

I don't like it when people don't stick to confirmed timed arrangements but neither of you had this.

And I doubt he's beyond making a slice of toast to keep him going an hour or 2?

Original poster
BoomBoomBoomLetMeHearYouSay · 02/02/2020 08:48

Just to be clear - he doesn’t expect me to make his meals or anything. We share the cooking.
He can be quite rigid though - I have said that when the baby comes we will need to be more flexible.

OP posts:
MRex · 02/02/2020 08:57

He needs to learn to make himself toast or cereal as a quick snack, when the baby comes and won't settle there won't be a set dinnertime.

In what other ways is he "rigid" and does it usually involve you doing what he wants when he wants it?

Oysterbabe · 02/02/2020 08:59

Imagine being so dramatic over dinner being an hour or so later than usual.
Weak because he hasn't eaten? FFS. YANBU.

Original poster
BoomBoomBoomLetMeHearYouSay · 02/02/2020 09:14

He just generally doesn’t like last minute changes of plans. Whereas I am more easy osy about stuff like that.

I am not being emotionally abused or something before you start down that route!

He’s just someone who likes to have a plan for the day and he’s not great if that changes. Just a person who likes routine.

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 02/02/2020 09:16

I wouldn't feel bad about a husband who is starving hungry ha ha. your partner is just being wimpy because you were not home when he was starving, and doesn't know where there is any food in your house.

MRex · 02/02/2020 09:19

Babies don't always follow routine, at least in the early days. Then when they do follow a routine it keeps changing; moving to 4 naps then 3 etc. It might help to get him some baby books so he start to get his head around it.

LittleDragonGirl · 02/02/2020 09:20

Yanbu, he is being ridiculous
But.. I can see his side as I often do exactly the same to my DH and by now know that he will be moody and hangry by the time I get home Hmm

EngagedAgain · 02/02/2020 09:25

Things might not be too bad so far, but I was with someone who had a 'habit' of taking the shine off things, and my having to get back to cook, and after a while it grinds one down. Best not to start letting it happen in the first place.

puds11 · 02/02/2020 09:34

Presumably he knows where the kitchen is 🤷‍♀️

LIZS · 02/02/2020 09:45

He is na adult who could have fed himself to tied his hunger over. It is not like you arrived home at 10!

PrincessHoneysuckle · 02/02/2020 09:54

I'm the person who doesnt like last minute change of plans in our house.I would be capable of making a snack if dh was running late though.I agree with pp that he needs to be less rigid before the baby arrives.

OhMeows · 02/02/2020 09:56

What was stopping him having a piece of toast while he waited?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 02/02/2020 09:58

He’s a pillock.

FlowerArranger · 02/02/2020 10:02

I call my husband and explain this, tell him I have picked up something for dinner but am not ready to eat yet anyway (as I’ve just had a big lunch).

His correct response would have been:-

"So sorry to hear about your friend. Take as long as you need. I'll sort us something for dinner, though I may eat before you get home as I'm feeling quite peckish."

rwalker · 02/02/2020 10:12

Of course people will just DH bash.
The problem was you told him you'd got his tea and you were 3 times longer than you said .
Imagine thread "been out with friends supported friend rushed to get tea for DH got back and he'd already eaten".
let it go.

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