Those of you who's partners have a business...

[MrAndMrsCBing]

Do you feel lonely?

DH has been self employed for a while now and I can't really remember the last weekend we had where he wasn't working.

I don't say anything because I know he's stressed and just trying to get as much done as possible but I'm getting tired of spending my Saturdays alone and then just watching whatever I choose on telly in the evening because he's busy doing things on his phone when he gets back.

He says he feels bad about it. I'm not really sure there's an answer as he's really really busy and doesn't have much choice but to work as much as possible but it does upset me sometimes.

Is anyone else in this situation? I've spent all day today looking after his kids because he needed to get a job done. So I've sat in alone watching two kids play Xbox (love them to bits by the way but this is a regular occurrence) and he'll barely be 'here' when he gets home either.

He needs to go in tomorrow as well so I'm going to try and take the kids out somewhere but I just feel very lonely.

Why bother?

Because now, 5 years in, I earn £70 an hour, pick and choose my own hours, pick and choose which clients I want to work with, have a waiting list of 2 months, and we have a very nice life.

DH has been working for himself for 5 years now and I do find it a bit lonely in the evenings when he has been in the business office and then comes home, we have a quick chat and then he's upstairs for the rest of the evening in the home office.

It seems to be our way of life now so I've got hobbies of my own. The kids are getting older as well and want to do their own thing so it seems we rarely have much family time together.

We do have nice holidays though, try to do stuff together occasionally like going to the cinema and meals out and we eat together around the table when we can, which can be hardly at all but usually always on a Sunday.

It does help with childcare when I need him to be home for my youngest daughter and it means I have been to go in earlier a couple of morning and he takes her to the childminders. He can work from home if needed, as long as I give him enough notice, which is fair.

He rarely switches off from his work though and we're having a rare night out together so I am hoping he can for the evening!

I think you need to be a bit determined about pushing for time together and don't wait around for him to ask either.

I've spent all day today looking after his kids because he needed to get a job done. So I've sat in alone watching two kids play Xbox (love them to bits by the way but this is a regular occurrence) and he'll barely be 'here' when he gets home either.

That’s not on. He needs to wake up and realise his children are there to see him and actually parent them. You aren’t a babysitter- you’re his partner. I’d be putting my foot down on this one. He needs to draw a line between work and home. I’m self employed and a single parent and I make myself turn the phone off at 7 on Friday evenings. I check it on Saturday evening incase there is anything urgent I need to deal with but otherwise that’s it until Monday morning. It’s not fair on his children. He’s using you as an unpaid childminder and his children are getting a bad deal.

Yes I do quite often on a weekend as both their parents are working.

So they both get to earn money and you can’t even arrange lunch with friends or go out for the day? You need to get the mug tattoo removed.

My husband is an arable farmer, I do get lonely at busy times of the year. At the moment we're spring drilling and although he is only a couple of fields away, he might as well be in a different county. But I'm a farmers daughter and I knew what I was marrying into.

We have quieter times of the year where he is able to be the main caregiver to our DS, and where we can spend more time as a family doing fun things - time that 9-5ers would never get. I suppose it's swings and roundabouts in that respect so I don't have a huge issue. I think if it's constantly busy and you find yourself down the list of priorities I'd definitely broach the conversation with him.

My other half has his own business. I feel like there's three of us in the relationship (as princess di would say), me, him and the business. He works very hard and I am very proud of what he has achieved from nothing. I do get lonely sometimes but I also like my own company and friends so it's rare I feel resentful.

Also we don't have kids (through choice) and I know that if we did I would be the one who had to do all the work. I would feel very resentful then!

I know my post was doom and gloom, what your seeing here are the parts of being your own boss noine warns you about because most people only see and want to hear the good stuff, the glory and success stories but when you do it yourself it comes at a price.
This thread is showing the reality and how it can take its toll on you. Is it worth it? On paper it looks fab, from our initial investment to start up to now we have made about £200000. We're in an industry which isn't known for high profits its fuel and car repairs. We only secured this in 10 Yr by doing most of it ourselves, if we'd gone for staff and work life balance earlier we would have spent more on staffing and not reached that amount.
There is a sense of christ that's ours we made that ourselves but we haven't seen the benefit as where to busy working to keep it going. It's our pension basically once where done in the next Yr or so we'll have a nice amount but again we've sacrificed so much and I'm not very happy monet doesn't make up for the life I've lost making it!!!!

So, not only is he not really there or present mentally for YOU as his partner... He's not really there for his kids either, basically.

I think you're focusing on the wrong thing tbh op - it's not about how he works in the short term any more,or how old the business is... It's more about what's going to change in future? Or,is this just the life you have to accept being with him? It's one thing if your partner is pushing his efforts into a young business with the aim of shared values in the end (a certain turnover, number of employees, working X hours per week, whatever you want to measure it by)... It's quite another to facilitate this as the status quo for the foreseeable future!

Otherwise, what, you're going to have raised his kids while he's absent.. and when they're older, you won't have much of a relationship to "get back to" anyway!

How long have you been together anyway?

(I'm asking because I wonder why you're looking after his kids so readily and freely... I've heard that widower men marry v v quickly statistically because they need a replacement wife/mother-figure but women often find it's more work being in a relationship!).

I think how you cope with being with someone who has their own business and has to work v long hours is how independent you are as a person. As I said earlier my OH worked 6.5 days a week. I like my own company and am very independent and it suited me just fine. When the we had children it didn't bother me then either, I just got on with it. What bothered me was that when he wasn't at work he was at football, or out drinking. I felt he should've been spending time with his kids. But when we spilt up i didn't find it all difficult because I was absolutely fine on my own. OP if you're feeling lonely you probably need someone else who works 9-5.

My husband has a business which is home based. As a result he can't get away from it. I'm alone every evening. We never go to bed at the same time. It's very lonely.