Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Urgent advice - anyone working in legal - long post alert

25 replies

Thepolicedontcare · 01/02/2020 16:12

I cannot give the full details of this as it is being investigated (very badly) by the police.

At the start of September 2019, my daughter (aged 14) and myself took on the share of a building, of which another women was also sharing. The owner of the building told us the other lady was lovely and we would have no problems with her. When we moved in she was indeed lovely, but after about a month, lots of controlling behaviour/weird mood swing emerged. Gas lighting and generally not being all that nice. We are fairly quiet and don't like trouble so did everything to keep her happy.

One night at the start of November she had a total meltdown, screaming all kinds of very nasty obscenities and lies and accusing me of some very bizarre things, including being sexually attracted to her husband. I reported this to the owner of the building who said that this woman did have history (I was angry as when we moved there she told us she was lovely) She said she would speak to her.

I was shocked to be told the next day by the owner that she had spoken to her and that her story was very different and she did not know who to believe so thought it best if we left.....I was beyond shocked!!! She refused to tell me what the other story was.

From that day onwards we endured daily nastiness, being sworn at, shouted at and our property damaged. I tried to speak to the owner but she refused to engage and did not want to know, despite me having evidence/video footage.

At the beginning of December I received a call from the police. They said if I did not attend a voluntary interview at the station I would be arrested. They would not tell me why. I was absolutely petrified. I arrived with my duty solicitor to face nine of the most insane allegations of stalking, being in possession of knives and some other pretty awful stuff.

Two days after the interview I received a call to say the charges were dropped. However a few days later I received a follow up email telling me to stay away from this woman and her husband.

They continued their campaign of intimidation/harassment and my solicitor told me to report them to the police, as one of the incidents amounted to assault by her husband. I did this and 24 hours later, received a phone call telling me they would not investigate as I was merely making counter allegations.

Aside from their behaviour towards us, they began to spread horrendous rumours about us within the area. Such was their aggression (particularly the husband) that I have now made 5 reports to the police, telling them that I believed them to be dangerous, and that I believed we were in danger of serious harm, but this wasn't addressed and no one has acted.

Two weeks ago and after the last report, the husband waited for my daughter and I in a rural area after dark and subjected us to a terrifying road rage attack during which he deliberately drove his car at us ( bumper to bumper) and followed us. I made an emergency call to police. I was told that as we had arrived home we were considered safe and no one would be attending. I was told someone would come out to talk to us.....but heard nothing else.

I cannot give full details but this week, whilst driving it became apparent there was a problem with my vehicle. A mechanic confirmed that it had been tampered with and could have badly injured or killed me/a third party on the road. Police were called but when I said I was certain who had done this, I was told I had no proof.

This man has a known history of aggression (particularly against women) but the hardest thing to deal with is that he is a member of the emergency services.

There are now 5 incidents in which he has behaved aggressively towards us. The woman has phoned several establishments telling lies about us. Has told people I'm having an affair with a married man (total rubbish) and that my daughter and I are both sluts. There are many other things which I cannot report here.

AIBU to think the police have not acted because of this man's profession?

They have done this to other people previously yet nothing has been done to stop them.

I now have an appointment booked at the station but have been told it's unlikely they will face any charges.

OP posts:
BorneoBabe · 01/02/2020 16:19

Can you clarify the housing? You're both in separate flats in the same building? Or separate rooms in the same house?

Whatever the police response, you clearly need to get your daughter out of there. It's not safe.

SinkGirl · 01/02/2020 16:21

I hope someone has good advice for you, this sounds so scary.

If the police are brushing this off because of his job, have you tried complaining to someone more senior? Surely if someone has potentially tampered with your car to cause an accident that’s very serious. What have they said about the video evidence you’ve shown them?

I would put up cameras at home, one that covers your car when parked, make so you use a dashcam.

Can you move out of there?

Corna · 01/02/2020 16:33

You need to make a complaint to the independent office for police complaints. And carry you phone to video every interaction with these people.

And get legal advice about your housing situation. Your landlord needs to give you the correct amount of notice and follow the law around eviction. He/she sounds like a peach given that they knew that she was like this but allowed you to move in and then takes her side.

Gazelda · 01/02/2020 16:39

So you and your daughter still share a home with this woman? Does her husband live there also? Have you tried escalating this with the police, ie lodge a complaint about how your complaints have been handled with officers senior to those who have been involved so far?

endofthelinefinally · 01/02/2020 16:52

You need to contact your MP urgently. But also make plans to move out asap.

Jonb6 · 01/02/2020 16:56

Make a complaint following the police complaints procedure. Keep a written record of everything including dates and times. Record everything on your phone. Find alternative accommodation as a matter of urgency. You need to clarify on what basis you have accommodation. Is it a room in a shared house, does the landlord live there, is there a fixed term etc?

Thepolicedontcare · 01/02/2020 16:57

Sorry! I was trying to give as much info as poss, but not give too much away as I'm concerned this might out me and may then have a detrimental effect on the investigation.

It is not our home no, kind of agricultural space we rent which we visit daily.

Not drip feeding, just exhausted (awake all night) and worried sick, cannot think straight. We have moved out (yesterday) but I know this will not stop. She is moving to a new place 2 mins from my house (so I am told)

It is more the fact that the police have virtually done nothing, despite my many warnings

OP posts:
Jonb6 · 01/02/2020 17:01

Ok the same advice applies. Police complaints procedure, keep written records of times and dates and record everything.

Thepolicedontcare · 01/02/2020 17:01

I have enquired about restraining order but this costs a fortune and is only free if it is required because of DV apparently. Have just been advised to install CCTV at home.

Jonb6 I made an official complaint to the police the first week in December and this shambles is their response

OP posts:
TheTrollFairy · 01/02/2020 17:04

Are you still in the same building?
I am guessing it’s flats in the same building?

You need to move ASAP. Keep reporting to the police and get an incident number each time as it will build up a case of harassment and if you are getting nowhere then take the complaint higher.
My guess is that the other guy is a policeman or within that part of the emergency services because I doubt the police would let off a fireman or nurse. If this is correct and the guy works with the same police that you have reported him to then there is a conflict of interest so I would assume you could raise it at another police station (I could be wrong)

With regards to your car, put one of them motion activated cameras at the front and back and maybe consider getting a RingGo doorbell

Hoppinggreen · 01/02/2020 17:07

I imagine it’s stables or similar
Sounds really horrible OP, are you able to move out of the stables or whatever it is? You shouldn’t have to but it’s not worth the hassle putting you with these nutters

cornstarch · 01/02/2020 17:10

This is stables isn't it. I would be looking to move yards

Lockheart · 01/02/2020 17:12

I'd get different livery for your horse, a dashcam, and if possible start taking someone else with you to the stables until you can leave.

Thepolicedontcare · 01/02/2020 17:14

Hoppinggreen. We moved yesterday, see above, but she is now moving too and her new place will be 2 mins from my home.

The whole thing has been horrendous. I was given 3 weeks off work as it has made me so ill. My daughter is too scared to go out in the car after dark and I am wondering what they will do when they are so close to my house. The police have said she is entitled to be there and cannot do anything.

He is not a policeman.

OP posts:
myidentitymycrisis · 01/02/2020 17:20

can you get a bodycam? dont want to sound alarmist but it might give you concrete evidence

Jimjamjooney · 01/02/2020 17:25

I don't work in legal and sorry if this is a stupid suggestion but could you report this to the police in a different area? At least they may kick start an investigation. So sorry you're going through this.

Kwkwjwkek · 01/02/2020 17:27

You definitely need a camera for evidence...they won’t believe you otherwise.

God these people sound horrendous. I don’t understand why they are behaving like that to you if you’ve not done anything to them.

SaltLampBae · 01/02/2020 20:15

That's horrendous! Surely tampering with your car in that way would be attempted murder? Confused shocking that they're not taking it seriously.

Thepolicedontcare · 03/02/2020 20:33

Well I have spent several hours at the police station today, making a statement but it seems nothing will come of it as there is no proof and no evidence. There is a man who witnessed part of the road rage but he lives quite close to this couple and, despite telling me he would contact the police, has not done so.

I have learnt today that they have made new allegations against me. I will be called in sometime over the next two weeks to do another taped interview.

I am not certain I can stand anymore, my mental health is suffering so badly. I honestly feel as though this nightmare will never end. I am certain I am going mad.

I asked the police when will they stop listening to her? It seems I will be indefinitely going back and forth to do these interviews and all the time this is building a big picture on a file under my name that the police will always have a record of. The officer said that NFA will indicate that there wasn't enough to charge me with anything. Is that supposed to make me feel better.

I am so desperate to make this stop.

OP posts:
kirinm · 03/02/2020 20:43

Can you afford a solicitor? I'm honestly not sure how you do stop it. On what basis are they making the allegations - I mean, why are the police responding to them given how they're ignoring anything you report? It sounds like an awful situation. I'm sorry I have no decent advice.

OlivejuiceU2 · 03/02/2020 20:57

Feel for you OP. My sister had her fair share of nasty people to deal with at various yards, she moved several times. Why does keeping horses attract so many horrible people?! My sister never had anything this bad though.

Scapegoatforlife · 03/02/2020 21:29

Everything needs to be documented from here on out. Get dash cams for your cad that record 24/7 home security and whenever you encounter them record them. Keep everything.

Tbh at this severity I would just suggest moving. Leaving the town and starting up new as you'll never leave people like this otherwise

Thepolicedontcare · 04/02/2020 00:19

We have already moved but she isn't going to stop.The police are getting them both in for questioning but have told me it won't go any further. She has even gone as far as to say she has cancer again. She claimed to have had it a few years ago but every single person who knows her tell me that they are 99% sure it was a lie. She is saying this to prove a point of "I've got cancer so why on earth would I be doing all of these things"

They are both deranged. My daughter is in bits over it all.

OP posts:
Helpinghim · 04/02/2020 00:54

Can't you apply for a restraining order without a solicitor? Will reduce the costs.

Film everything. Dash cam, CCTV - these can be purchased for very little.

deendon · 04/02/2020 01:11

I have no legal knowledge, move your horse. Can you move it somewhere short term and move again?
Can you get someone else to look after it for a bit so you can put a lot of distance between you?
allow her time to find something else

I have no idea why they are listening to their complaints and not yours it sounds awful sorry

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread