What happens if you can't afford to pay for a funeral?

[Luckystar777]

Just that, really. Say you have a small amount of money (or none) but it's not enough to cover the cost of even the cheapest funeral? What happens? I'm wondering this about a relative's and also my own funeral/s. We're both ok right now but I've been thinking about the future. And worrying.

I live in Scotland.

I have already arranged a direct cremation for when I die. The knees up will follow scattering of my ashes at a place I love. This is actually in my deed of wishes, which is kept with the will (or it might even be in the will, I can't remember). I hate funerals. I have been to too many.
I think it is a pretty good idea, if you want a specific type of funeral, to write down your instructions. Family funerals can be a source of great disagreement, with every one saying 'Oh yes, Mum would have loved this (or that)', whereas, in truth, people try to get the funeral THEY want, not want the deceased may have wanted.

We had a direct cremation about £1500. No fuss then a massive party a few months later

In England the local authority pay for a basic cremation if when you die you leave nothing and no one else in the family is able or willing to pay.

Some authorities will do a halfway house where they heavily subsidised. With some though, it is just for children. Worth checking.

I organised a direct cremation for a member of my family, and a really nice do at a local venue a couple of days later (we paid someone to speak at this). It was lovely, and I think it's how our family will organise funerals now. The direct cremation cost about £1,500.

Direct cremation.

However some very elderly people would be extramely distressed if they, or their other half, had to have this sort of final send-off. It was considered a hugely shaming thing in the past, which has led, tragically, to many people going without food so that they could afford a "decent" funeral.

Heartbreaking really.

My father has no money, no nothing, and had cut himself off from everyone. The council paid for a decent cremation and they even travelled a fair bit so he could be cremated at the same place as his parents. This was in the UK a few years ago. We were very grateful.

I was looking through an itemised funeral bill yesterday (as you do). FIVE GRAND for the most basic funeral. And that's without the wake. And having seen what you're charged for in terms of "services", I think the funeral industry needs some serious scrutiny.

DH and I could afford it but once we hit 60 I think one of those over-50s insurance policies might be sensible.

OP if you’re in lots of debt I wouldn’t waste time or energy thinking about how your funeral will be paid for, you will get a funeral it just might not be a fancy hearse and limousines type of funeral. Put your energy into living the best life you can.

My father died penniless and my DM (they were divorced) refused to pay for the funeral. Myself and my sister were both under 18.
No other relatives on his side.

The local council paid for the funeral which was minimal, no bells and whistles, under the condition we scattered the ashes on their crematorium grounds.

1 in 4 funerals are paid for by someone getting into debt. It is I think a huge problem.

I know of a woman who wanted to donate her body and had filled in all the paperwork for a few years. When she died they did not want her due to a surplus .

Take out a funeral insurance plan OP they can be quite reasonable.

My friend does this as part of her health office role. She arranges the funeral with a cremation and always attends to ensure that the deceased has someone there. If there is family she often finds they demand a full funeral with the trimmings and she gets called lots of names as a result when she tells them there is no opportunity for a burial or the rest of the works.

Some people on here are quite unrealistic about costs. It's not about fancy flowers, even a direct to cremation (so basically no funeral service, just cremation) is over £1000! Cardboard coffins are still expensive as they have to be reinforced to hold a heavy dead body. Even if you have no flowers, a cheap coffin and no funeral cars save the deceased, it will cost you £4000 or more.

No flowers and a cardboard coffin isn't cheap! That's the whole point. The body has to be cared for stored, put in a coffin able to be carried or transported, celebrant paid. Even the most minimal service requires something.

The trouble is that if you don't have anything, and you don't view the body either, it's actually quite hard to realise people are dead. This may not matter if it's a distant aunt who reached 90. Otherwise I can think of situations where having a funeral, which marks out that the person has died, and that they were loved, and what their life meant, is important to at least some of the people left behind (e.g. untimely or younger death).

I thought I wanted a direct to cremation service, but am now thinking it's just a way of further distancing ourselves from death in our culture (which already has difficulties with it) which may be why people then get very depressed/struggle with grief for years but end up having to sit on it and not talk about it too much as it isn't part of our everyday conversations and lives.

I could be wrong though!

Direct cremation is becoming much more mainstream now though - David Bowie had one 🙂.

The local authority will pay for a basic cremation but you have very little say over when/where it happens (although you are given the opportunity to attend).

It depends on the LA.

In our area the LA will pay for a cremation but there is no service and family can not attend, the crematorium basically fit in the cremation when they have a free slot, they often do them in blocks, so will fit in several LA funded cremations first thing in the morning or at the end of the day, whenever is convenient for them.
family are also not able to have the ashes after cremation.

To get the LA to completely fund the cremation you have to be very firm, they can be quite persistent that you have to pay something towards it and make you sign forms to say that you are refusing to pay.

I also think people are unrealistic here. The direct cremation cremation has all the costly bits. Flowers when we had them on the coffin were about £70. Any other flowers were sent by other relatives and paid for by them. Coffins can be expensive, but pretend wooden ones are the cheapest, not cardboard ones. They still cost about £300. But unless you have a very big do or a burial and gravestone, the main cost will be the handling of the body and the actual cremation. In some places in the UK cremation is fairly cheap, but in a lot of areas of the country including mine they are expensive.

www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/this-is-the-most-expensive-place-to-be-cremated-in-the-uk-and-the-cheapest_uk_5d4d3d5de4b09e729744708c?guccounter=1&guce_

"According to the Money Advice Service, the average cost for a cremation in total is £3,247. A “direct cremation”, without a funeral director, costs around £1,700. The service’s figures shows London is the most expensive place for a cremation, totalling £3,197 overall. Belfast, as with this data, is the cheapest, totalling £2,851."

Funerals are very expensive, and flowers are rarely part of what makes them expensive.

And more LAs now do not allow a service for a cremation they pay for, as they are trying to put off people pushing for this.

JollyandBright, that's what happened in our case. My father's cremation took place at the (South East) council's choosing, we were asked if we wanted to attend (we didn't want to) but we wouldn't have been able to keep the ashes even if we'd wanted to (we didn't).

Apparently though, if nobody attends the cremation, somebody from the local authority will attend in their stead. That irritated me. There were good reasons why we didn't attend.

longearedbat yes I've done a deed of wishes too, and told my immediate family exactly what my wishes are. Direct cremation has been paid for ..think it was about £1300.
Dh has yet to do his.

Nearlyalmost50 I think it’s perfectly possible to have a service remembering the dead and getting that closure without having to spend thousands extra on it. Organising a picnic in the park, or at a space meaningful to the deceased; or even a pub’s back room; can be just as meaningful and lovely without having to spend money having it at the crematorium. Plus the last viewing I went to was one of the most horrifying experiences of my life and I made a vow never to go to another one (and yes, being with the person when they died in quite a horrible way was actually less traumatic than the viewing).

I know funerals are expensive even if simple; I just hate the idea of people going into even more debt because they think they “have” to do things a certain way. I would be completely mortified if people I loved spent more then they absolutely had to on my funeral - I’m dead, I honestly would not give a shit about if I get a “proper send off” or not. Money should be for the living.

OP if you want to make things simple, research your local options now (including how to claim funding etc) so you are not having to stress over it when bereaved. And maybe leave a note somewhere safe to help your family member if you go before them? I think it’s important to be open about death and talk about it with our loved ones - ignoring it because we “don’t want to think about it” just sets up further grief down the line. DP knows that with my will I have also left a note of who my pensions, financial stuff etc is with, so he doesn’t have to scramble around trying to figure it out while bereaved. Didn’t take long to sort, and now it’s shoved away and we can get on with our lives, hoping we won’t need that info for a very long time!

I think the important thing is to think ahead. My husband's funeral 10 years ago cost over £4000 and I asked for everything basic, no extras. I didn't have any money and the Government grant to widows was less than half the cost. I sold the car but was being threatened by bailiffs before I could pay.
I later realised that some other funeral directors were cheaper and much more helpful but when you have just lost someone close you are not in a fit state to shop around as you would be for a new car or holiday.
It took four months for the mortgage company to pay out and six months for his employer to pay out so you can't rely on money due coming in time.

I have a paid up funeral plan which covers either dh or me, whoever goes first. I intend to take out another to cover the second funeral.

I'm going to collect up some old skirting boards and pallets and build my own coffin. I'll make sure the dogs stuff is cleared out of the back of the estate car and fold the seats down for instant hearse. Non religious cremation with a bit of AC/DC playing to see me off and I'll stock up the freezer with some Iceland prawn rings and bits if anyone wants a knees up afterwards. Plenty of wine and booze already in my cupboards as don't drink it.
Only joking but I have been to a funeral where the deceased did make his own coffin from pallets and was transported to the crematorium on a trailer towed there by his wife in his tractor.