Lost a loved job for incompetence. Your confidence recovery tips

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Just that. Worked hard to make it work but wasn’t up to it and consequently working relationship with line manager broken. My confidence is crushed.

How do people survive this. I know it’s not going to be a happy ending. If I couldn’t hold onto this job, then I’m pretty incompetent.

Informed today capability process triggered in month 6 of probationary period. Third role in company and successfully completed previous probationary periods. This is really bad luck and unfair but nothing will encourage me to work a minute more for this person. The grievances are historic and I believed I was resolving problems but today’s information came out of no where.

What type of job was it?

Was this as it sometimes, a personalty clash between you and this other one there?.

If so won't be the last . Go get another job if i were you!.

you have to kiss the bottom of some managers. that's just the way it is.

If you can do that until you reach the 2 year mark.

If this is out the blue and you were fine before now then its probably not you.
Please dont leave before your two years and I'd also call Acas to have a chat with them.
You have so many more rights and options if you tough it out for a month. Take some annual leave or sick leave if need be to get you there.

my understanding is that employment law says you can't be summarily dismissed after 2 years.

Employment law does not say that.

For the first two yours you cannot complain to an employment tribunal of unfair dismissal (but you can bring a huge number of other claims even within that time). But you can be summarily dismissed with any length of service for gross misconduct.

Haven’t disappeared.

Appreciate the balance between ‘not entirely my fault’ and ‘employer can expect a level of service for the pay.’ Both are relevant.

Waking up this morning I realise the points that have been raised regarding my capability are insignificant to the potential mistakes that an incompetent person would have had the opportunity to have made, or I have seen my colleagues do, ie, significant breaches in safeguarding processes; being shouted at in a team meeting by my boss; sloppy organisation that would have impacted on our service users and so service efficiency.

I am now impressed with myself that my priorities have focussed on our service users and service quality rather than keeping my boss out of her default panic mode.

I have been in this situation before and very soon after the boss involved in that capability process was run out of the organisation.

I am being the fall guy. It’s so unfair. But I have woken up this morning not feeling that I am a complete twit. Consequently the act of writing my formal letter of resignation will be an empowering process, not a scoring points, but me being aware of what real incompetence is.

Thank you so much for your broad and balanced replies.

I’m going in on Monday to clear my desk and straight to the job agency. I have savings and this is exactly what they are to be used for.

But life is so unfair, and people’s potential to be savage in an apparently civilised environment quite breathtaking.

Both times I have had a difficult, bad Manager, I have used every minute of my spare time to find a new job. Life is too short to spend each day trying to stick up for yourself and make someone like you who clearly doesn’t for whatever reason. I am an easygoing person and very passionate about my work, but I have had personality clashes on rare occasions. And moving on led to better things anyway. Best of luck, take the attitude that it’s not you, it’s them to help get through it. Although do also think critically about the situation and pick out the bits where you could have improved too as that helped me.

Good luck OP xxx

I am going through something similar at the moment and have been feeling crushed at the experience. It's good to hear the words of others who have been through it.

Best of luck OP!

On the basis that it is always at least 50% responsibility, I know that I cannot operate quickly enough within the time available to meet all the deadlines for the job. However, I need to be able to think about my job so that I am secure in what I am doing so I can then work at speed; I have not been able to achieve this balance.

I've just left a job where I was made to feel
incompetent.

I wasn't. I had a manager who was, though, and I ended up doing two jobs at once and broke under the pressure. I came back after a month of sick leave and was told I wasn't enthusiastic enough

What he really meant was I was refusing to pick up his shit anymore and he didn't like it so he wanted me gone. So I handed in my notice the following day along with a sick note for four weeks and left him right in it.

Lots of incompetent managers will blame everyone else for their shortcomings and unfortunately it's often other people who take the hit.

It happens to the best of us. It's usually the combination of a toxic manager and an awful job. Usually your face just doesn't fit there and they blame you.
It's gutting at the time, it's happened to me twice but on reflection both managers were completely toxic and the fact that they need to put all the blame on you proves that.
It doesn't sound as if there was any positive feedback and there should always be.

Really reassured and uplifted when people share that it’s happened more than once to them.

How will I go forward - ‘do what you always do, get what you always got.’

Get professional career advice about how to select work that I am comfortable in; listen to my gut. I had lots of reservations about this job but ignored them in favour of the better salary. Well how much has that cost me now.

OP, sounds like there are wider incompetence issues here than you. You have nothing to lose, you have two or three successfully completed probationary periods behind you, why not go to see your bosses boss on Monday with resignation letter- and see if there are issues with your manager you aren't aware of? Maybe she's on way out and panicking and / or grafting those in her team instead? Nothing to lose from being a whistleblower that I can see.

I had a good job which required some specialist knowledge and skills. Was very good at it and was a senior member of the team. Left it to follow the dream for a decade. Dream was successfully followed. Returned to the job market. Managed to get a job in a different field and excelled at it but then my role became redundant. Credit to them, they kept me on in another role but it was totally different and, frankly, I wasn't up to it. My professional confidence was on its knees.

A friend recommended me for a position doing my original job. I leapt at it.

I was a bit nervous that I wouldn't up to it but six months on, I feel like a valuable member of the workforce again and my confidence is sky high. Couldn't be happier (and considerably more money too!).

OP might a sideways or even a backwards step be worth considering to regain your confidence before rejoining the career ladder?

It happened to me when I was in my twenties. Now that I'm older and looking back I wasn't actually incompetent, they just didn't explain my duties to me correctly and they didn't tell me theiir expectations.

It sounds as though the organisation is incompetent and that your manager is always under a lot of stress. Is there any way you could hold off on your resignation until you have done 2 years? Do you have any Union representation? And do you feel strong enough to fight and take a grievance out against your manager?

Before you resign you REALLY need advice about holding out until the 2yrs is up, if you gain employment protection it may make a massive difference if you’re able to take them on for the treatment by this manager.

Don’t resign until you fully understand your rights and position

@SurferRona - yes I know people find my boss tricky. Yes I am the scapegoat.

@Besidesthepoint - the tasks have not been properly explained and I have been playing catch-up.

@Nonnymum - in my letter of resignation I am going to make an official complaint with evidence of her inappropriate expectations

My previous line manager was spectacularly incompetent, we can only assume she has a very strong relationship with the headteacher to have gotten away with it for so long.

I was treated very shabbily in previous job and got the union involved, they were very helpful but it’s almost impossible to fight against people blatantly lying about your performance every single day.

I was exhausted and broken but have been in my new job 3 months and I’m loving it. The culture is so different that I now realise my former workplace is toxic and no one can perform effectively there.

You will get through this and you will shine again.

If you resign before the 2 years you will have no redress!

Get advice fast. Call Acas or a union or CAB, the company won’t give a monkey’s about your grievance and won’t have any duty to look into any of it if you have no employee rights.

If you’ve been set up to fail, you at least have a chance at constructive dismissal!

It may be a better idea to raise a grievance as soon as you’re at the 2yr stage, take that process to wherever it needs to go and if at the end of that you can’t get them to resolve it, you could look at constructive unfair dismissal

Don’t shoot yourself in the foot by taking a step you can’t come back from.

It may be that there are suspicions about your manager already, you might be able to help them fix the problem

I have known all along that the point at which I effectively said “no. I won’t/ can’t/ don’t want to work at this rate.” She would be incensed and would signal the end for me.