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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To get so irritated by Dsis' need to talk on the phone ALL of the time?!

21 replies

PleaseStopRingingMe · 31/01/2020 19:41

I will start by saying I do love my sister and we generally get on well. We are both in our 30s with 1 year between us. I have 1 DC and am currently pregnant. She has no DC.

My issue is that she can't ever just text me, she HAS to ring to chat all the time. She does a lot of driving for her job and if she knows I am on a day off she will ring me because she's driving to or from somewhere and for some unknown reason can't just listen to the radio like a normal person. It's not just me either, she will ring our DM or DF too. And it's never just a quick 10 minute how are you, what are you up to etc. It's like 45-60+ minutes each time... minimum. I also have DC who is only 3 and can get quite annoying while I'm on the phone, she goes through bad signal areas so she cuts out all the time, and generally whatever she's talking about is just inane rubbish, but she goes on and on and on. I will admit I do sometimes just watch my phone ring and purposely miss the call because I'm just not in the chatty mood to waste an hour chatting shit with her just to fill up her journey. She gets offended if I try and say I'm busy/have things to do etc. It's not even that she has no one else to talk to/is lonely, she has a DH and loads of friends.

The current problem is our Nan is unwell. DM has, for years been at her beck and call and even more so since our GD died 4 years ago. We have had to listen to DM moan about this ever since and Dsis in particular will have a go and tell DM to shut up about it cos she's sick of hearing her slag off Nan. To take pressure off DM I have done Nan's shopping weekly for over a year because she cannot drive and won't get a taxi. But my Dsis hasn't really done anything at all besides the odd call and birthdays/xmas. A few weeks ago our DM had major surgery meaning she is basically on bed rest for the foreseeable. I have been really unwell and signed off work with pregnancy related issues. So from the day Nan went into hospital Dsis has had to deal with it (she also has POA which I don't so not much I can do anyway in that respect). And since then the issue has intensified and she has been ringing me multiple times a day and it's just getting too much. She has minor unrelated medical knowledge so thinks she knows everything which is irritating in itself, and she makes out like she is doing so much for Nan and she has so much going on and I just can't listen to her moan anymore. Nan came out of hospital after a week and the issue died down somewhat (but Dsis still ringing more often just to moan and tell me how much she's been doing for Nan) but she went back in again at the beginning of this week for the same issue and it's all ramped up again. Just a simple text asking how Nan is prompts a 45 minute phone call of her just talking at me every single time. Or I just get a text saying she will ring me when she's on her way home from the hospital. Like no! Just text me 😡 She's also started ringing at the worst times, when I'm putting DC to bed, making or eating dinner, or literally about to go to bed.

I know I'm probably being a bitch and will get slated but I just wanted a rant. I want to smash up my phone every time it rings. I'm relieved when I actually see someone else's name flashing up and not hers.

Please tell me I'm not the only one whose hates this?

OP posts:
Franticbutterfly · 31/01/2020 19:44

Remember that you aren’t tied to your phone. You don’t have to answer to anyone. Let it go yo voicemail.

PleaseStopRingingMe · 31/01/2020 19:56

Yes that is true, I just feel like if I keep doing it she will start getting arsey/offended that I don't pick up and despite how irritated I'm getting she is my Dsis and I do live her.

She once got really pissed off at our DF because he told her had to go because I'd just turned up with DC and she kept talking and be was like ok I have to go and she shouted fine and hung up.

OP posts:
Pippapotomus · 31/01/2020 19:57

What does she do if you don’t answer OP?

MiL has this with SiL. She will phone constantly, alternating between her mobile and the house phone. Then when MiL answers, ‘what are you doing’,‘I saw something on Facebook' or other dull crap. Mil puts the phone on speaker phones so she can get stuff done and just occasionally makes agreement noises.

We recently overheard an hour long conversation at mils, then sil came round, and repeated herself again in person.

Infinityandbeyondthestars · 31/01/2020 20:00

My sister is like this, I love to pieces but daily hoye long calls was to much, so I stopped answering would only pick up every third day, I would text in between and check all ok and if she rang ignore and text her back saying cant text all ok. It took a while but we are down to twice weekly calls which I enjoy and have stuff to say. It saved our relationship as I would erupted otherwise and been horrible

Infinityandbeyondthestars · 31/01/2020 20:01

Sorry cant talk all ok

PapayaCoconut · 31/01/2020 20:04

Seriously, just let her get pissed off. Maybe she'll stop calling so bloody often. I used to be like this with my family and my former best friend, so scared of ever saying anything wrong, until I realised they don't think twice about what they say to me, and they don't care how it affects me.

Ohyesiam · 31/01/2020 20:21

I say this gently, but You are allowed to love someone and not do everything they want. Since when was loving someone about being steam roller by them?

She sounds very insensitive to the effect she is having on you, or the impact it has on your day. Being boundaried is the right response to an invasion, and her torrent of words is just that.
You have every right to say no to something you don’t want. She might not like it, but she has to learn it’s unacceptable to you.

PleaseStopRingingMe · 31/01/2020 20:37

Yes you are all so right. I don't need to be beholden to her.

She text earlier to say nan was ok but that she will ring me when she's left the hospital. I told her I was just putting DC to bed so can't talk and she still said it's ok I will ring you in about half an hour. I'm eating dinner so I ignored it, she can wait.

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Cherrysoup · 31/01/2020 22:09

Just screen her. Then text to say you’re busy doing stuff with ds etc. I do this when a mate calls, she seems to want a lot of advice/support in her new job role which I’ve been doing for 20 years. I don’t mind helping, but it has to be when it’s convenient, not when I’ve just got in and haven’t seen dh all week!

Franticbutterfly · 01/02/2020 08:14

You decide what to do with your time and if she doesn’t like it, then tough. You need to set some boundaries, you aren’t on this earth to entertain someone on a long journey...that’s what Audible is for! I know it’s hard but you should say, “can you text me, I have a lot to do and I want to hear your news but don’t have time to talk”, then you don’t have to reply straight away. Alternatively if she calls put your earphones in and clean the kitchen, fold washing, iron...then it is productive time. But if you feel that you need to see to your child then you must say so. Never feel bad about putting DC first. Even if you have to say “oh DC is upset, I have to go”, in order to end the conversation. If someone falls out with you for that, they aren’t worth it anyway. You aren’t put on this earth to please anyone but yourself. Turn your phone off, you are allowed. X

InACheeseAndPickle · 01/02/2020 08:18

You do need to be more assertive. If she was lonely and friendless I'd be inclined to be more kind but she's just killing time. You have things to do , she should buy an audible book. Just tell her you have to go and pretend not to notice her strop.

needanewnamechange · 01/02/2020 08:33

Unfortunately you are going to have to except that she will be pissed off with you . if you tell her so just say ds I don't mean to piss you off but I really can't listen to you for so long I have to go and end the call . Yeah she'll be pissed off but she is being unreasonable and you shouldn't put up with that . She'll get the message eventually.

Howgreenwasmyvalley · 01/02/2020 08:45

Do you mean she's on the phone when she's driving?

PleaseStopRingingMe · 01/02/2020 08:59

Yes howgreen but on hands free.

Managed to keep the call last night down to 6 minutes which I can cope with.

Definitely going to be more assertive and unavailable from now on. I know she is going to try and ring me again later on today after she's been to see Nan.

OP posts:
CakeandCustard28 · 01/02/2020 08:59

I would be honest and say I know you don’t have children and don’t understand but you can’t just drop everything to sit on the phone, you have kids to sort. If she gets pissed off, let her. She’s the one being unreasonable not you. You can’t be at her beck and call 24/7. Kids come first.

StCharlotte · 01/02/2020 09:03

Well she can't text if she's driving can she? Just don't answer. Does she have anyone at home to talk to?

StCharlotte · 01/02/2020 09:03

Oh and it would irritate me too!

Yehdivvy · 01/02/2020 09:06

I have a friend who did this and she stressed me out with her demand for attention. I ended up diverting her calls straight to voicemail or had my phone on silent. I would listen to her voice messages when I was ready & respond with a short text.

chocolatemademefat · 01/02/2020 09:16

My mother is like that. She phones constantly - especially when she’s in a foul mood and has nothing to say. I tie myself in knots trying to find things to talk about and if I go silent for a few seconds she’s snapping ‘are you still there’ down the phone. She sucks the life out of me with her calls but she’s old and I don’t like not to answer when she calls in case there’s something wrong.

My 2DS have told me never to be that way with them!

I think you’re going to have to force yourself not to answer every time she calls. As am I 😕

PleaseStopRingingMe · 01/02/2020 10:15

StCharlotte she actually has Apple carplay on her phone so actually she could.

OP posts:
PleaseStopRingingMe · 01/02/2020 10:15

And yes she has a DH and loads of friends. She is not lonely by any stretch.

OP posts:
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