Stopping contact with dcs dad

[Goldilookingchains]

I need some advice before I go nuts, my exdp Dcs dad hasn't seen our kids properly since August last year, there is a whole back story but the long and short of it is, it kicked off a few months ago between myself and his gf, as she kept stalking my social media, calling my phone on private and calling me every name under the sun and hacking into private information about my kids. So at the time he chose his gf over the kids and didn't even try to contact them for over 7 weeks, when he did I told him that he can go away and leave us all alone as were better off without him, he's a compulsive liar and a textbook narc.

He saw them for all of 30 mins on xmas day as she was calling and moaning that he was I at my house and again hasn't seen or spoken to them since.

He is now calling asking me for overnight contact with them, but I have point blank refused as I've since found out that both him and his gf are taking drugs daily and that she is a habitual drunk driver, they live together 3 hours away from me and the ex doesn't drive so has no other mode of transport to pick up our kids and he doesn't seem to understand why I wont allow them to get in a car or be around either of them, as they're both so angry and violent towards each other, he thinks I'm wrong to stop contact and is trying to make out im just jealous.

For the past week all I've had is abusive messages, so much so that I've had to block him as it's getting too much for me. I don't know what to do anymore, he doesn't listen to a word I say and is just so ignorant that it really is doing my head in.
Any advice and where I can go to resolve this issue?

I wouldn't trust his intentions... no contact for that long and all of a sudden wants them overnight? Absolutely not!

@Rainbowqueeen I remember someone I know talking about contact centres, what sorts of reasons do people use them, do the children see the non resident parent alone? how do the children get there, would the resident parent usually take them?

Thank you I know I shouldn't feel guilty but I do, my dc didn't ask to have a deadbeat dad I gave that to them.
They're 10 & 8 and some days they miss him some days they don't. It's really hard to navigate it with them as they often ask about us getting back together or doing things with daddy, because that's what they're used to. When we first split it was very amicable and we used to spend time together with them for birthdays, xmas and special occasions, although he was never the greatest dad he's changed alot and got worse in the past 2 years.

I already keep all communication with him via text as I cannot bare to speak to him on the phone anymore as it always ends up with him shouting down the phone at me.

Alot of what everyone is saying is very true, they are both dysfunctional and toxic he has lost most of his friends/family due to the relationship and I cannot allow my dc to see the arguments and fights they have.

It looks as if he is choosing to sabotage and burn his own life ☹️
this is a terrible thing but all you can do is retreat to a safe distance and protect yourself and your children, you cannot save him and you should not try because you will only be damaged in the process.

None of this is your fault, you could not know that he would turn out like this, you did not give your children a deadbeat Dad he chose to turn into this
it's not your fault.

@laydownontheblanket
Try naccc.org.uk for details.

They provide supervised contact if this is in the best interests of children. Parents dont see each other. You can also use it just to do a handover without meeting the other parent.