In paying child support the way I am?

[OMGMyLifeIsCrazy]

My ex and I separated middle of last year. We have the kids 50/50. He hasn't worked for years while I have a well paying job (2 pt jobs doing about 45 - 50 hours per week). Our kids are teens and there's no real reason for him not to have a job.

I have been assessed to pay $7800pa child support and I'm wondering if others can tell me if I am being fair. We opted for private collection so I don't actually pay him anything directly unless to reimburse him for things spent on the kids. Annually I pay for:
School related costs $2500
Sports related costs $1000
Allowances $1664
Phone plans $350
Most bday/xmas presents $1000
Outings/Movies etc $500
Clothing $1000

Without including other small incidental costs, I'm covering a little more than my assessment but over the course of the year, I'm probably covering another couple of thousand. I also buy pet supplies and pay for vets for the family pets.

I'm making sure I keep a record of all payments just in case the private arrangement comes back to bite me in the future.

In the way that I'm doing this, am I being fair? I suspect if I paid the money via the CSA, I'd have a hard time getting 50% of costs when they come up so this way makes sense to me and he seems happy though we haven't done our property settlement yet.

CHILDSUPPORTINFO thanks for your lengthy reply. Helpful but please don't criticise other people's actions when you don't know what's behind the scenes. My ex has serious MH problems (think family annihilators) so I had to get away quickly and couldn't risk being suckered into going back. This, the fact that I'm a contractor with only a small window of opportunity to get approved for another loan, coupled with the unavailability of rentals within 30kms of my kid's school meant I had to buy. The intention was for the kids to spend the majority of time with me and only some with him due to his MH. He fought me on the shared care and I was a mess so I agreed to 50/50 after I bought the house as the kids are not the subject of his delusional disorder.

I am not trying to reduce payments at all. We only got the assessment a few weeks ago and we agreed that I pay for all the kid's expenses except for food and basic utilities as he got a $100k payout the week I left and left me with $20k in credit card bills (that he spent on unnecessary home surveillance). Yes, I'm angry that the one time he has money, we've separated. Yes, I'm upset that after years of supporting him (and his daily drug habit - my stupid fault for doing this), I am now living in a dog box (albeit, a nice dog box) while he enjoys the family home. And yes, I am angry that despite loving him with all his faults, I was treated like crap and am now stuck with my name on 750k in mortgages. Hey, while I'm at it, I am also upset that I work my butt off and pay twice what he does in repayments because my equity is tied up in the family home.

He is perfectly able to get a job but hasn't really wanted to. Now that I'm not there to pay for everything (which is what I've done for about half of our relationship), he is realising he will have to before his money runs out.

As I said, our CS is a recent assessment and I've only just started doing the sums today. I did talk to my solicitor and they advised that because I'm not pushing him to sell the house yet, our arrangement sounded fair but when I looked at the figures, I thought I would ask if I'm being fair because at the moment I am trying not to be ruled by my emotions.

Feel free to now jump in and stick up for my ex because of his MH problems. I've been doing that for years and only recently came to the realisation that his MH doesn't excuse what he has done to me over the years but hey, he's the underdog so go for it.

Sorry if I sound angry - I'm actually not - just using my newly found confidence to assert myself :)

If your solicitor said it’s fine, then I think you should go with it. Your kids are the most important thing and it sounds like you are making sure they are ok. Good luck with your new-found independence.

OP I’m not sticking up for your ex-husband, nor am I criticising you, however I’m giving you the cold, hard, LEGISLATIVE FACTS. Your solicitor is incorrect in that it is “fine”. As long as your ex doesn’t call CSA to discuss or ask for collection, you will be able to continue as you are doing, however once he no longer agrees or realises he could collect the money (which he is entitled to be paid), at that point you will have to pay (and possibly arrears).

As per my first message you are also defferring 100% of the children’s costs to him (allowances, outings, sports etc) by counting it as Child Support, when these are additional extras (unless agreed) and therefore should be 50/50. As care is 50/50 it would be expected that the children have clothes at both homes, but if you are buying them, his contribution should only be 50% and not the 100% you are claiming.

Why you purchased a property (classed as a lifestyle choice regardless of any circumstances) and how much your mortgage is, is not relevant to your Child Support at all (and CSA won’t care). If your case was CSA collect and you didn’t pay the full amount as you couldn’t after paying your mortgage, CSA would just garnish your wages for the Child Support and you would have to find another way to pay your mortgage.

In regards to him recently receiving a $100k payout, depending on what this money is supposed to be for (ie - unpaid wages from unfair dismissal claim, money to pay medical expenses from an injury etc), YOU may have the right to apply for a Change of Assessment under Reason 8 to possibly have this money considered as income when calculating the amount of Child Support you are required to pay, thus reducing your Child Support Assessment. If the payout was ordered as payment of ongoing treatment from an injury/accident etc, then the income can not be considered.

The assessment is based on income and care levels - CSA don’t care about what’s happened in the background, his mental health issues or why you owe lots of money - this is the assessment, this is what you have to pay.

I would suggest selling the family home ASAP, but be prepared for him to drag it out (and for you to go to court to force the sale).

If he has only received the assessment recently, and from what you say he spends money quickly, be prepared for him to ask CSA to collect to get the money instead.

Sorry I dont have any advice regarding finances but wanted to say well done OP. You got out of an abusive relationship and are now in a situation that would consume most people with bitterness and hate.

I hope the financial side of things are sorted soon.

CHILDSUPPORTINFO, I have actually never thought about buying a house being a lifestyle choice as I was brought up by my home owner parents to save and buy a house from a young age. I had my first property in my early 20s and I actually don't know anyone in my circle of friends and relatives who rents. I can see what you are saying though.

I have left my ex before and rented a house as an interim solution but the problem was (as anyone who has been in a long term emotionally abusive relationship would know)that it would have allowed me to easily go back as I have done before. In reality, rentals in my area are not much less than my current payments. Buying a house is a normal thing for me as I can't help but feel it's a waste of money paying someone else's mortgage for no return.

I don't know if you are a legal professional or someone who has more education around the child support system in Australia however, I think the reason my solicitor said it was fair is because I'm letting him live in the other house. If I rented the other house out privately, the return would be $600-650pw. My ex only pays the min mortgage payment of $400 so he is essentially saving $200-250pw just by living there. One suggestion that was made by my solicitor was that he move out of the house, we rent it privately, pay the mortgage from the rental return then split the remainder 60/35.

Anyway, thanks again for the information. I spoke to my ex last night and I have told him I want to review our arrangement.

So because he’s lazy you have to pay him child support. The system is broken.

I was also taught to buy rather than rent and renting would never have seriously crossed my mind. Don't worry. You're not alone in thinking home ownership is the only way to go. I wonder if homeless people consider renting a lifestyle choice.....

Former lawyer and Government consultant.

Again, your reasons for purchasing a home are not relevant to your Child Support payments. If you can afford your Child Support at the assessed rate and your mortgage payments great, if not, CSA will garnish your wages to ensure the Child Support is collected (if he requests CSA collect).

@SillyHousewife purchasing a home is a lifestyle choice - some people can afford this choice, others cannot - but in regards to Child Support, your CHOICE (and it is a CHOICE) to purchase a home doesn’t not mean your Child Support payments should be reduced or paid late.

Your lawyer is also misinforming you. You are not “allowing” your ex to live there. As tenants in common, you BOTH have the right to live there (understandable why you don’t), and so you cannot calculate that if he wasn’t living there you could rent it for $600 per week and say “It’s saving him money” and this counts as Child Support. To rent or sell the family home requires both owners to agree to it and if there’s no agreement, a lengthy and costly court process will ensure.

Your best bet would be to push property settlement (ie - sale) ASAP, as I assume he is unlikely to want to move out and rent another place at equal to or more than what he is currently paying, for probably a smaller and less nice house.

I wish you the best of luck, however my comments were intended to provide you clarity about what is and isn’t acceptable in regards to Child Support and you need to focus on Child Support as money for your children and then sort out your other joint assets, expenses etc i