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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed at in laws

9 replies

wifeofunemployedhusband · 30/01/2020 21:07

My husband is currently unemployed. He had a professional job, but took a package from his last employer and left as he wasn't happy there.

I wasn't too happy about this, I'd rather he'd stuck it out until he'd found a new job but there seemed to be a lot of jobs going in his sector at the time and he was confident he'd get a new job. Fast forward 3 months to now, he's been unsuccessful in securing a new role thus far. There is only 1 suitable job going in his sector at the moment and it's 3 hours away from where we live so would mean 3 or 4 nights away from home during the week, but beggars can't be choosers and I'd be ok with this. He's been invited to interview for this post next week.

Now to the problem, dh's parents think this is the craziest thing they've ever heard. They're trying to talk him out of even going for the interview. They're laying it on thick and making him feel super guiltY for even considering it, because we have kids and clearly this would mean he wouldn't see them as much.

They said "it wouldn't be fair on them" (the in laws that is) as i'd "basically be expecting them to raise our kids" while he's away mon-thurs (or tues-fri)

For context, they've always helped out with the kids 2 days a week while I work. Dh has never worked close to home and, when In work, has never been able to help with drop offs/pick ups etc. In his last job, he commuted 1.5 hours each way 4 days a week, so it's always been me sorting these things out with them.

I get that living away from your wife and kids for half the week wouldn't be an ideal situation, but I don't really see that the kids would notice much of a difference and it wouldn't affect the in laws at all. I wouldn't be asking them to do anything they don't usually do when dh is in ft work.

Is it just me? They seem to think I'm odd for being ok with this possibility 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Scarydinosaurs · 30/01/2020 21:09

I think it sounds like they’re no longer happy with being used as childcare

Brokenlightfitting · 30/01/2020 21:28

So he has been at home and they have not been doing childcare?

Sounds like they have got their life back and no longer want to do childcare?

Fine. Tell then that they won't have to.

wifeofunemployedhusband · 30/01/2020 21:36

That's right, while he's at home he's in charge of childcare. Grandparents have been pitching in for interview days and other ad hoc stuff.

The thing is, if they don't want to go back to the old arrangements of 2 days a week, that's fine. I'd get that. But they've basically indicated that they'd be ok with going back to providing 2 days of childcare if he gets a job that they consider to be within a reasonable distance vs living away 3/4 nights a week

OP posts:
CSIblonde · 30/01/2020 21:39

They're worried he'll do it for 6months to a year then decide to sell your house & move nearer work.

AxeOfKindness · 30/01/2020 21:44

What does your DH have to say about it all? Is he excited about the potential new job? What would be different to his old role that he was unhappy in?

Just wondering whether your in-laws might understands things better if they genuinely thought her was going to be happier than he was before?

AxeOfKindness · 30/01/2020 21:45

Sorry, that was a fairly illiterate post but I hope you followed!

WineGumsandDaisies · 30/01/2020 21:51

My OH works away in the week, anything between 2-4 nights at a time. We have 2 DC and it’s not a problem. Like you said beggars can’t be housers and unless they want to support you financially, I’d tell them to drop it.
Maybe they are worried about you moving closer to his job. Maybe you will, maybe you won’t. Maybe aliens exist and the moon is made of cheese. Who knows? Support him and wish him luck with his interview.
Good luck OP

wifeofunemployedhusband · 30/01/2020 21:58

Tbh, dh is the kind of person who will never be completely happy in work, so it makes not a jot of difference whether it's close to home or not.

At this point we just need him to get back into work, to keep his experience current and relevant, and bring a wage packet in.

OP posts:
AxeOfKindness · 30/01/2020 22:14

If money is becoming a pressing issue then your in-laws are BU unless they're proposing to support you financially in the meantime.

As you say, it may not be ideal but surely they can understand that you all have to have something to live on and that 3 months out of work when a family relies on two wages is potentially quite a lot. As you say, better to continue to job hunt from a position of having a job and regular wage even if it's not one that's great long-term.

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