First off, as a grown married woman in her 40s this really shouldn't bother me as much as it does, but feeling run deep and you can't stop them hurting.
Back story.. My sister is a few years older than me, we have an ok relationship, nothing close or special. We get on, we live a few 100 miles away, see each other every 3 months or so. My parents live nearer to me, in the same town so I see them more often. We have a good relationship now I'm older, but not hugely emotional. Love my mum, but never tell her I love her etc. We've never had a close relationship when I was younger and I moved away from home at 18, whereas my sister stayed for a further 10 years. My younger brother is still living at home in his early 30s, he was 9 when I left home Vs late teens when my sister left. I get they have all spent more time living together than I did and that can explain why they are closer etc
That said, I've always felt slightly less important. Growing up I was always the difficult child, always the one that would clash with my mum. My sister would do anything to please her and if in an argument she'd always let her win or keep the peace. Growing up was not a time I look back on with many truly happy memories, mostly my memories of childhood and teenager years were of us fighting or being compared to my older sister.. a lot!
"Why can't you be more like (sister)"
"Why do you give me so much trouble"
"Why are you so difficult"
I moved on, our relationship improved when I didn't live in her house. I eventually had children, got married, yet still even at 40+ I am allowing her to upset me.
My birthday was last week, my sister's birthday is a week later. Something as innocent as the message she sent my sister today vs the message she sent me on my birthday has reminded me how different our relationship is.
My message "happy birthday, have a lovely day x"
In my sister message my mum was sending her a birthday wish, she signed off "lots of love mum and dad" lots of X's, lots of birthday themed emojis. More gushy.
Just obviously more love, more care, more importance.
It's not the first time this has happened, and as our birthdays are so close it shines out more than if we had months between then.
On photos my sister adds to social media she'll always comment nice things, my photos... hardly even acknowledged.
If I'm on a call to my mum she'll hang up on me if my sister rings her mobile "can I call you back, (sister) is calling my mobile"
I get she has a favourite, but even at my age it hurts to see it, hear it, experience it.
I freely admit I have middle child syndrome, but my mum's actions don't help in batting those feelings away.
As an angsty teenager I once counted all the photos of us 3 children.. I gave myself rules.. only photos on our own, only photos up to the age of 5ish
My sister born mid 70s - around 100 pics
My brother born late 80s - hundreds and hundreds.
Me born late 70s - 8. Yes 8.
When I questioned my mum her excuse was that she didn't have a camera when I was little yet I found lots of photos of my sister when she was 3/4/5 etc when I was obviously born. At one point I even questioned if I was adopted. I wasn't. I just wasn't as important. That's how it felt then and that's still how it feels now.
I know nobody can make things different, but writing this down does help, it makes me realise that parents can be shitty and that makes me strive to be a better mum to my two teen daughters. Who I love in equal measures!