Saying no.....

[Hadenoughofitall441]

Decided to have McDonald’s for dinner as not really feeling 100% and couldn’t be arsed to cook, DP took my sister (15) and when they were on the way there she calls to ask if they can get Pizza Hut instead. I said no because the kids already know we are having McDonald’s and DS has asd and once he knows that’s it. Also it’s super expensive. So DP calls me to remind him of the PIN number for shared credit card and tells me DSis is only getting a McFlurry. They get in and she’s automatically in a mood because I wouldn’t spend the £11.99 on the Pizza Hut deal for her forgetting there are 4 more of us so it will cost considerably more. She’s telling the dog that no one cares about her, the kids always come first etc etc. She knew before she left they were going to McDonald’s and didnt say anything. She’s tried this before and my mum has told her to stop being ungrateful but as my mums at work she’s gone full on no one cares, my brother comes in and asks her what’s wrong and she tells him and as he’s not agreed with her she’s gone up stairs. She said she can’t pay herself because she needs her money to go to someone’s birthday dinner tomorrow. Tell me I’m not being unreasonable as she’s lucky she was getting McDonald’s. We include her in everything, even take her on holiday every year as my mum doesn’t travel. I just feel like I’m being made out to be the bad guy just because I’m not putting up with her Brattish ways.

Here are a few ways to get the message across in true MN fashion, "NO" is a complete sentence.

Seriously, she needs to learn some manners and to grow up.

Whatever situation she finds herself in, whether it's with friends, family or later on in her life at work, she needs to know that when you are in a group and all of the group want to do one thing and you don't, at that time you have two choices. You either agree with the group decision and join in with what they are doing or you drop out of the group and do something on your own.

You do not strop and bleat and tantrum because you can't get them to do what you want.

How will she ever learn that life-lesson when your brother/his GF caves in and gives her what she wants because they can't cope with her moods?

Just her age. Macdonalds do plenty of things like wraps, burgers, chicken etc. She surely could of enjoyed a macdonalds. I think we were all like this though. Although I would of been so greatful. It would of been a huge treat for me.

This sounds very messy and chaotic.

What is the family living arrangements?

I say this because it sounds like you're there with your kids, there's something about your brother's girlfriend being over, but it's your mum's house... I'm confused.

Does this 15 year old child have clear parenting boundaries and 1 on 1 time/space?

She's not your child,why would you include her in "everything"?

It all sounds like trying to be mates/replacement mother to your sister..

This isn't about McDonald's or pizza. What is her behaviour and talk really saying? (No one cares about me, from the sound of it, literally.)

15 is an emotional, vulnerable time, educationally, etc... Who's got her back?

She seems to be the lucky type who manages to get her way somehow because someone ends up giving in, so she's used to it from birth I reckon. Makes for a difficult life when you hear No.

Sorry OP, your family has created a little monster. You will have to be the bad guy a lot. I doubt she will learn until adulthood and even then, some don't.

Sounds like she's never have any rules or boundaries or punishments. She doesn't fear anyone or anything.

Take away the wifi.

She sounds like a normal teenager to me. DS1 is 16, he will huff and puff for a bit if he doesn't get his own way but he gets over it if I leave him to it for a bit.

I’m not holding a grudge but my mums already told me neither me or my brother were like this as teens and that she’s by far the worst.

Well I don't think that's going to help her feel valued in the family! In my experience parents tend to selectively forget their children's worst moments - I bet you were just as grumpy OP!

Oh she sounds like a bit of a spoilt brat. It’s probably her age though and she’ll grow out of it.

I have a sister 15 years younger than me. I’d be horrified if she acted like this.

I totally get the asd thing though. If my son was told he was having McDonald’s and then we went to Pizza Hut there would be hell to pay. He also has asd.

wow, no yanbu, and anyone who says this is normal or that their kids act like this needs to learn how to discipline their children. she’s 15, not 5, it’s time to grow up.

That said, kindness still goes along way - in her most sulky, sullen awkward moment you say:
‘sorry we couldn’t afford to get pizza tonight love - we’ll do it another night when I’m feeling a bit more flush ok?’ - that’s all it needs - an acknowledgement of her protest but the calm adult reasoning putting an end to it.

Absolutely this. It's normal teenage behaviour. There's a middle ground between giving into the strop and writing her off as a spoilt brat and not acknowledging how she might be feeling in general.

Teens are the worst when they don't like hearing No, (not today but maybe another time when we can all agree) .
You were right to stick to your decision for your DC. Maybe next time she doesn't go (if it was take out)

🙄 at your DBro and DBroGf giving in, they've just ensured that they get all the moaning next time.