Is my neighbour harrassing me?

[Tsubasa1]

I had problems with my previous neighbour which I discussed in a previous thread. She would rely on me for childcare and I ended up falling out with her over it.
I've moved to a new appartment and the lady who lives facing us has pretty much knocked on our door every day so far. Sometimes TWICE a day. I'm all for people being friendly with neighbours but this is seems a different vibe to me. The first day she was here she had a coffee with me and then left her daughter to play with mine and went back home! She asked me if she could leave her daughter and I was taken a back, so I didnt say no! That was the first day she met me and we had spent only 5 minutes together!
She also knocked on the door one morning to see my baby because her children are "mad for babies" and want to see her. I said no and shut the door. A few other times I have ignored her when she rang the bell to try and make the message clear. She keeps coming back. She knocked today and said " where have you been?" as to suggest I'm always out (suggesting she keeps an eye on when I leave and when I'm home). And then said she wanted to see the baby and I said "no its cold" and she said" I will see the baby inside" so I had to let her in! We just stood in the hall I didnt want to invite her into my living room!
I have MH issues such as anxiety and
Im considered a "foreigner" where I live, I stand out as a Westener and I think she has a small obesession with me or is desperate to make friends. She is forcing a relationship.
AIBU to not open the door if she knocks again? Is she harrassing me? What would you do in my position?

Unusual that a similar thing has happened with your last 2 neighbours, you say you are foreign to the country you're living in so maybe it's cultural differences and her behaviour would be "normal" there? I would hate that too though

@Arya I agree with you in the sense that neighbours are friendlier here and also more intrusive. But even my in-laws thought it was weird when they knocked in the morning and asked to see the baby. My sister in law was very shocked and they didn't like that at all.

Any advice?

Just tell her politely that you are trying to get the baby into a routine and all this knocking and answering doors is disrupting her. Then if she doesn't take the hint just say that you aren't interested in a friendship.

It is difficult to advise without knowing which local culture you are dealing with... are you able to tell us which country / region you are in?

I live in Turkey. @cjt110 I don't know if my Turkish is good enough to explain that but I could try and prepare in advance!

Just don’t open the door unless you are expecting someone

Turkey

I think thats good. She will think I'm rude but I'm past that.

Perhaps you've moved somewhere where local community is very important to people. Probably a culture shock.

you need to get assertive OP - do NOT let her in!
Just say you're busy or a straight 'no- that doesn't work for me'.
You could put a 'Do Not Disturb' sign up on your door.

I think people sense you're a 'softy', users and cheekyfuckers are notorious for spotting easy targets.
I think she's wanting to get right in there asap so she can start using for childcare - she's already done it!
She's being manipulative, "she's new and knows no one but me - so i can play on that and she'll be forced to say 'yes' as she'll be too afraid of not having a friend"

Nip it in the bud NOW op.
Personally, i'd put a Do Not Disturb sign on the door....and when she knocks on whatever her excuse the answer would be "read the sign!"
YOU can arrange a day/time suitable for YOU when she can come over.

Next time she tries leaving her kid with you, don't be afraid to say 'No - take your child with you".

They walk all over you because you don't stand up for yourself.

Thank you so much for your advice! I feel much better in the realisation shes being manipulative because I'm new here! I will say I'm busy next time. I'm definitly a softy and people can sense it.

@monkeymonkey2010

@MaryMcCarthy I was friendly with my old neighbours and only had problems with them a few years down the line. They certainly didn't behave like this at the beginning

@MaryMcCarthy having only just met

You keep saying you had to do this or that.. I think you think that because someone wants some thing, you have to comply. That's not only unhealthy for you, it's shite role modelling for your children.

Can you practice being more assertive without being defensive/opening yourself up to discussion?

Example (I. Used to be awful for this):

Someone: "we've popped by to see you and baby"
Me: " oh I've only got 20 minutes until I need to leave for play group"
Someone: "that's ok, we'll only stay a few minutes"
Me: "but I'm not dressed"
Someone: "great! We'll watch baby while you're changing"
..... Cue me leaving the house when I finally get them out the door an hour later,half dressed, rushed, baby with dirty nappy and over stimulated!

I got myself a line that j probably over use.
But it works! Practice in a mirror, it helps lots.
"That doesn't work for me."

No matter what,be granite!

"That doesn't work for me."

Repeat,close the door, grit your teeth but it DOES get easier over time.and then you'll wonder why you were a doormat for so long.

Of course you didn't "have to" let her in! Just tell her it's inconvenient as you're busy, or trying to get the baby to go down for a nap. Also, carry on not answering the door.

Thanks @Motoko I need to be better at making excuses and being firm! @Jess827 thank you so much for the advice, I will definetly be practicing that line and hopefully it will come naturally to me soon to not comply to things that don't work for me!!