AIBU to think I’m not good for anything?

[Readysetcake]

I feel like I’ve struggled my whole life to feel like I’m good at something. At school I was an outcast. University I felt like I was frantically treading water to pass. Went on to further study and it felt the same but worse. Every job I’ve had since I’ve felt pretty useless apart from the simple admin job I had after having kids. But this I found boring.

I thought having children would give me a chance to be good at something. But nope. Again I feel like I’m doing a terrible job. I get frustrated too easily, bored when I’m at home with them and completely unorganised. But I do love them to bits. I also feel like a terrible wife.

I’ve just started a job in the field of my degree and once again I feel so out of place and a fraud and that I’m not capable. And to top it all off I left work equipment on the train after a days training yesterday. Confirming to me the point that I am actually useless.

My DH tells me I’m too hard on myself but surely the evidence just stacks up. AIBU to think I’m not good for anything? Because right now my being on this planet seems pretty pointless to the point of being unhelpful.

Your DH is right, you are being very hard on yourself. You’ve done amazing things - a degree, further study, a variety of jobs, you have wonderful children who you clearly love and a husband who cares about you. Honestly, you are not a fraud and you’d be surprised at how many other people (who you probably think have totally got their shit together) also struggle with feelings like you. Have you ever spoken to your GP about how you are feeling? Maybe it would be worth seeking some help to look at why you have these feelings and how you can manage them. I hope you are ok

You are being far too hard on yourself. Trust me I am an expert in this.
Go and see your GP and tell them what you've said here.
They will help you.

You are amazing, there are things you've achieved i could only dream of! Well done!

Your feelings are totally normal, i agree with PP's that checking in with the GP is a good idea, your brain is against you a bit and it would be worth talking to someone.

I battle negative/intrusive thoughts and have to remind myself daily that they're just thoughts and don't dictate my worth. It's a hard battle but you've got this

It's called imposter syndrome. Look it up. You may find it illuminating.

Be nicer to yourself too. You sound fine to me.

YABU but it sounds like you have a lot of negative thinking and self-criticism habits that you need some support with

Go and see your GP. If this is a normal pattern of thinking for you, then it could be a symptom of depression and/or anxiety. It clearly isn't a rational judgment based on your achievements and capabilities.

Thank you for your replies. I googled it and maybe I do have imposter syndrome. I’m just sick of feeling so fucking useless all the time. The gp would just want to put me on anti depressants and they scare me due to the side effects. I don’t know what else can be done. I tried counselling last year but I just didn’t feel any different really. I don’t know what I was expecting. But the counsellor never said anything and I felt really awkward.

Why do you think you feel like this? Were your parents always expecting more, comparing you to others, or always talk about the success of others (which my dm does). Or is there so done you measure yourself against?

Try to take home the positives. You’re married, have kids, have got a degree, and a job. All good achievements.

I feel like I could have written this (minus the DC, I miscarried and feel like I can't get that right either).

I have a lovely DH, I'm just into my 30s, have a (mortgaged) house on the outskirts of London, have several pets which bring me a lot of joy.

However I just feel like a failure! I recently got a degree (four years of evening study around work), I got a first, but I can't bring myself to apply for a PhD as I feel like an imposter.

I have a boring job (exec assistant) in an interesting place (museum), and I feel like I am banging my head against a ceiling - which is probably created through my own failings.

I don't know what to say except, I think a lot of people feel like this!

So sorry for your loss @AwkwardPaws27
Everything you say sounds so familiar. I guess it’s comforting in one way to know I’m not out of the ordinary for having these feelings but also very sad that other people know the horrible anxiety of feeling like you never belong. Sending you

I never remember my parents putting to much pressure on myself. But I remember my brother hating my guts for simply existing and him being clever and popular. Things I never achieved. So I think perhaps I was always trying to compete with him (internally) and seek his validation.

You need a better counsellor! Not one that wants you to 'talk about your feelings' but asks probing questions that get you to make connections and see where you've 'gone wrong', as it were, and is there to be understanding but also point you in the direction of progress and give you the kick up the bum you sometimes need. I know as I have had one like this and it made such a difference - the woolly 'listening' ones jhave always just made me worse imo.

The gp would just want to put me on anti depressants and they scare me due to the side effects.

If you need antidepressants, you should take them. These days there are much better drugs and most people have no side effects at all. If you do, they can change them and find something which suits you better. They don't numb you and they aren't addictive like they used to be. You do not need to be scared of them.