To realise I'm all alone after a break up

[JollyHolly30]

I've recently gone through a pretty horrendous time of being broken up with after a decade long relationship, and finding myself back to square one.

I have realised how much I prioritised him, his work (own business that I helped with) rather than myself and my own career. Due to a lack of time where we weren't working, I've really let my friendships lapse and I find myself suddenly feeling quite alone where I never did before in the comfort of a relationship. I don't have children (adore them though, as I work in childcare) and so I'm in a position where I can spend evenings getting to know some new people and find new friends.

I know I've read on here of people in similar situations in the past and I wondered if anyone could do with a friendly ear especially if you're going through similar difficult changes as a break up, or even if you've found that you've neglected the idea of cultivating friendships while your children have been small etc and now feel a bit regretful and that you'd like to change that in this New Year

I'd be interested even in some tips on 'making new friends' eek, as the nature of my work means I don't have colleagues and the babies I do work with really don't know much about wine or infidelity. 😬

Just to add, I live in Glasgow and work in Edinburgh if anyone nearby would fancy a G&T / exercise class (slight shudder) / trip to the cinema / walk around a park if the rain ever stops!

Hi I hear you. I am married and have kids who live away, last year my mum died and although I do have friends I have felt lonely and can understand where you are coming from. My husband has Parkinson’s and I often wonder if he wasn’t here what the hell would I do! Social lives often centre around couples and it’s so hard to find new friends on your own. So I just wanted to say you aren’t the only one. I’m nowhere near Scotland though but wish you luck. Be brave and get out there.

My relationship broke down a few years ago. The children have kept me very busy but without them I would be lost. I try not to think about it to much.

I couldn't be further away from where you are but I hope that you make some new friends soon.

Thanks @Izzydawg and @unicornsarereal72
I totally regret not doing this sooner and instead drifting along and prioritising someone else over myself with the daft notion that it would be for the benefit of us both one day! Never again.
At 35 though, I think it's a bit harder to meet people without children, or those who have access to a babysitter for a wee night out etc.

I’ve tried

• book group at local bookshop
• political meetings
• going back to old friends and basically telling them I need them
• inviting neighbours in for a drink
• going to the pictures by myself

Try Meetup. Where I live there are some successful women's and other social groups. Google it. Hope things improve for you soon.

Hi OP - I’m in Glasgow! Which part are you in?

I'm not dissimilar in age to you OP, and I've got no kids and plenty of time to do things. You can bob down the West Coast mainline into Cumbria if you like?
In all seriousness, I have been in the same boat and it's rubbish. I've not managed to make many new friends and most of my colleagues are men (zzzzz convos about cricket and Man United). Everyone's complaining about this; loads of threads appear about loneliness on MN.

Hi Lottie 👋
Technically outside Glasgow but have my car and come into the city all the time. What about you? Thanks for the replies, peeps. Mumsnet can be a really great place sometimes!

I’m in Millerston (just next to Stepps)

I'll send you a wee message Lottie, if you can read DM's? I know I can't seem to find a way to do it on the app, but can if I use the desktop website... but I might be being stupid!

Hi OP, I'm not near you (am in West Yorkshire) but would love to chat/message. I was broken up with in October very suddenly, with no warning. We were very happy together for 9 years and I have 2 children from previous marriages. He's significantly younger than me and he decided he wants children. He left shortly after coming to this realisation and I was devastated. I thought he was my forever but is now with someone else. It's very very hard.

Try Bumble BFF, it's specifically just to find friends. Haven't tried it but have heard good things!

Yeah, Bumble's great!

Can't arrange a meet up seeing as I am in a different country, but I do understand the feeling.

It does come as a shock to the system after a break up about how much of your time and energy went into the relationship whilst everything else slides.

I found after my break up that any couple friends excluded me completely. Not sure why but it does happen, so just a small heads up for that.

What a great bunch of people on MN. Wish I lived closer as going through a similar thing myself.

Hi @RabbityMcRabbit It's just horrible when you feel like the decision has been taken out of your hands, right? I know he's in the middle of a 'grass will be greener' cloud and maybe one day he'll regret it but it'll be too late.
I'd be happy to add you on messenger/WhatsApp etc if you'd like to chat. It sounds like you're in a very similar place to me right now.
I also really would like to be getting out a lot more after work/at weekends and having some new experiences and friendships going forward - I feel like I should have done this so many years ago so it would be good to hear from any others in Glasgow/Edinburgh :)

Hi JollyHolly30 I'd love to chat on Whatsapp or Messenger. I'll DM you my details x

Another vote for https://www.meetup.com

Pick a few groups, tell it a bit about your interests and it will throw up what's happening around you. I would not rely on it only, but it does make a useful addition to how to find out what's going on.

You could always start your own group and see who turns up.

For the record, it's definitely not a dating site but I know two couples who met over the course of time at a shared interest Meetup group.

I know this sounds a bit batshit or forward, but at the mention of WhatsApp, has anyone ever thought about setting up a WhatsApp group for these kinds of things?

I’ve just been broken up with as my ex wants space to sort himself out and doesn’t see a future with us. (I too have 2 DC from previous relationships and I’m older). I’m 30ish also.

I’ve been getting support off the lovely people in the relationships chat and I think I need to work on “getting out and about”.

I’m on the North West Coast too but would travel for a “lonely people night out” I usually drive (or get the train) to visit friends in Glasgow/Newcastle and recently loved a trip to Edinburgh. Actually does the idea sound insane? I don’t know

I also think it would be maybe easier to talk/meet up in a little group rather than one to one? Imagine if you didn’t get along in real life 😂

We should have a Glasgow meet up. I’m married 4 kids but friends thin in the ground due to moving away/wrapped up in their own world.

Hello i can imaginr you feel really alone right now. I set up my own meetup group on the app 2 years ago and its gone strength to strength. Its women only and we are all great friends now. We plan things each week and theres always new faces. People have made genuine friends even going on hols together etc. Definately worth a shot

AgeOfDragons that doesn't sound odd. Whereabouts are you in the NW? I will also travel about. The few mates I do have live all over the place, far from me. I'd be happy to join in a group.