Contact and shift working ex

[JustLetMeSleepNow]

Contact is 50:50 4 days one week, 3 the next.

Ex works shifts both days and nights and never lets me know in advance. It's driving me mad. I literally get a text on the day or the very earliest, the day before saying they can/can't have them.

I'm expected to schedule my life around it, they throw a strop if I can't one time for whatever reason.

I have tried and tried and tried and begged them to give me notice of their shifts but they never do.

The children don't know where they are from one minute to the next and are always asking where they are staying tonight etc...

Has anyone had this before? Contact is not court ordered. I wish I could push for set days really but obviously my ex can't do that. WIBU to insist on at least a weeks notice of shifts? Would a court order this do you think?

Absolutely. Apart from you not knowing where you stand, it's really unsettling for your DC.

50/50 can work but it needs consistency and communication!

You are not being unreasonable..he is obviously just trying to maintain control over you
In my experience (ex who is a shift worker) the court rules in the best interest of the children irrespective of his shifts. Therefore if he is working, he misses out & doesn't have the 'luxury' to pick & choose. Instead he would need to work with you & you have the decision as to whether you want to be flexible & let him work within his schedule
Ultimately it's a routine that is in the children's interest
Good luck

I'm not sure it's a control thing, but he is very selfish and I just don't think it enters his head at all that it's me and the kids who have to facilitate it.

It's not important enough to remember to give me the notice I've asked for basically. Very self absorbed.

Court. Pronto. For your sake and the kids. It's hard enough living between two homes as it is, nevermind not knowing where you're sleeping tonight.

Court is the only way you're ever going to resolve it.

If your ex can't get his head around notice.. well, a day's notice is ridiculous, most people wouldn't be able to do the "week's notice" you'd be asking for... Most parents would need set days because of work themselves!

Sadly if your ex can't understand that it's not your job to work around just him any more.. court is the only way. You could point out that what you're asking for is less than normal working parents agree to... But I suspect it'll fall on deaf ears.

P.s. if you do raise it, might want to mention that if he can't have kids on 'his' set days... It's his childcare problem. Not yours. And it's not your place to bail him out for being disorganised and a shit dad for causing his children such chaos.

Just out of interest when was the last time your ex stuck to the contact plan? The last minute notice sounds to me like avoidance of 50/50 contact.

Did your ex want 50/50? And if so why, was it with the children’s best interests at heart or to avoid paying any maintenance?

It’s clearly not good for the DC. I work nights and know my off duty 6 weeks in advance, my friend’s DH has a shift pattern that lasts 3 months. Most people; not just parents need to know what they are working in order to organise the rest of their lives.