To ask your opinion in DNR?

[susandelgado]

My mil, a wonderful lady of 85, is in hospital for what seems to be the last time. They can't treat her many conditions any longer 😐 She was approached this morning by a registrar, who said he had spoken to her family and they wanted to put a DNR on her notes. He explained to her what it meant and she agreed, as she's had enough of it all and doesn't want to fight any more.
The thing is, this has NOT been discussed with her children, and they were very upset when they found out. They fully agree that it's her choice, but not the underhanded way in which it was done.
It makes me very angry, and seems almost negligent on the hospital's part, why the hell couldn't they have told the family first? They have power of attorney for medical matters.
Has this happened to anyone else?

What would the Dr gain by lying? I think an assumption your Mil misheard is more likely tbh.
Have you spoken to the Dr in question or raised concerns with nursing staff?

Resuscitations are brutal and cause physical injury, it's not always appropriate. It's your MILs decision to make unless she lacks capacity.

I'd tell her the truth that the family were not told. I'd also ask to see the dr who told her these lies and I'd go to my gp or hers to see what can be done about this drs behaviour. It's not good practice and I would say this probably isn't the first time he's done it. X

I'd tell her the truth that the family were not told. I'd also ask to see the dr who told her these lies and I'd go to my gp or hers to see what can be done about this drs behaviour. It's not good practice and I would say this probably isn't the first time he's done it.

For goodness sake. What on earth do you think the GP could do? You don’t know anything about it as you weren’t there and your belief that this isn’t the first time the doctor has done such a thing is based on nothing but your own imagination. Before anyone makes allegations the sensible thing would be to speak to all concerned to see whether there was a misunderstanding.

I hope you get the answers you all seek and that you can all spend quality time with your dear mil at this stage of her life which should be your priority. I wouldnt involve her in any further discussion about dnr. Let her be at peace with her decision.