AIBU about my child's friend and her mum

[Sockmonster23]

A few months ago I had a spare cinema ticket sland asked my daughter to choose a friend and I know her mum, she is alright quite nice lady but can't make her out too much, her child is on a child protection plan and as far as mum says it's all lies from social workers and everyone else's fault. I will not get into all that. A few days after the cinema mum comes up to me and says your child will not stop following my child around can u have a word. Ok I said, nothing more was said and her child carried on being friends with mine although her mood swings vary, I have noticed she is constantly telling her mum about my daughter doing this and that.

Anyway now apparently my daughter is scaring her. Playing scary games. Ghosts and scary dolls. My daughter says yes they play it at break sometimes but said child joins in and tried to scare her too and they are just playing . She comes round some nights after school and mostly plays ok but has I said this child has mood swings and doesn't seem happy sometimes but seems to want to get dd into trouble constantly. Apparently her daughter is now terrified and its all my daughters fault and also that of the other kids at school. She also told her mum my daughter swore at her when I heard her daughter say arsehole!! I can tell this kid maybe trouble for my daughter.

As a family have had a lot of trouble hence why social are involved but my daughter does like her and tries hard to be her friend but this girl constantly turns things around to her mum and wants to get my daughter in trouble now wants to tell teacher at school.

I have told my daughter to try and play with her less like that at school.

AIBU to stop play dates?

Everything BlueRussian said. The teacher won’t (or shouldn’t) tell you anything specifically negative about the other child but she will be able to tell you whether in her opinion there is any truth in the things your DD is accused of.

It’s possible it’s true but not that bad, just normal play but that this child is incredibly anxious and over sensitive due to whatever else is going on in her life.

And definitely stop inviting her over. Don’t keep putting your DD in a position to be accused any further. You can’t easily keep them separate at school but don’t encourage the friendship out of school.

Child and family are under the radar of social services - could the mum be laying the groundwork for a case that her child's only fears and issues are from school/friendships and nothing to do with her home environment?

I also agree with Daftodil's thoughts on what scary things the child may be trying to express. The teacher should be given a heads up.

What's happening here is that social services are involved with the school, and this Mum is trying to blame everything wrong on your child, rather than on home life.

You need to tell your dd to play with other friends as much as she can, or this woman is likely to drag your dd into the mud to defend herself.

Sad for the little girl involved, but I'd protect my own first and foremost.

I wouldn't worry too much about it though as all the little children are playing the same games. She coincidentally is the only one who has a problem with it.

I would back away a bit and speak to the school. The teacher will be fully aware of the SS situation. I’d also be as kind as possible to the little girl. The advice to say not this week is good. You can also say you / dd are busy your dd isn’t doing playdates atm (if true) etc. If the mother is persistent, you can also say you think after what she said that you keep the girls friendship at school for the moment until things settle.

If the mum really thinks your DD is doing all these terrible things I'm surprised she still wants playdates. I'd stop them too (although I feel bad for the poor child - maybe she's trying to get her mum's attention with all these tall tales). I might also flag it with school as a possible concern.

Thank you for all replies. The playdate are after school and mum is always there! They only went upstairs to daughters room the other day! Normally they play downstairs in view of us! And they are playing schools i.e one is teacher and one is daughter.

Yes she has watched some ghost stuff and dolls with young kids playing I saw her but mostly she watches mermaid and dancing singing shows and plays roblox age appropriate building her own house etc. She also reads alot. lately the kids bible she enjoys the stories. My daughter does not have a phone either she is too young at 7 but I know other kids that age do have it.

I will see what happens and will talk to teacher keep an eye out. Thanks