Tips for living alone

[pawsies]

I hate living alone. Every sound makes me jump.
Unfortunately I bought the house when I was with my ex and he left me last year so I'm stuck in this house.

I'm not a practical person at all, doubt I ever will be. Tried DIY course but utterly failed at that.

I need positives to living alone as today I'm just not coping. I've been out all day in the community not even talking to anyone, just being around other people. That helps. Thank god I'm at work for the next 5 days!

I don't have many reliable friends or family so I'm stuck on my own.

I know AIBU so prove me wrong 😁

I love it, but that doesn’t help you.
How do you feel about cats? I used to live in an older house that made noises and having a cat gave me something to rationally blame them on. They are also very good company. Get 2.
I’ve just moved to a new area and I’ve joined a couple of things - book club and a gym plus I’m politically active. I have a long standing choir membership. These things mean I have my home as a quiet refuge but I’m not lonely.

Should have said I have 2 dogs but I still find noises a big trigger.

I used to love living alone. No rules about what you do when you get home - eat/shower/put pjs on etc whenever you like without inconveniencing anyone else. You can go out whenever you like (I'm stuck in from 7 with a sleeping toddler and on my own so nobody here to look after her). If you don't want to do the dishes until tomorrow nobody will know.
And yes to cats, I've had them since I moved in here and they're great to blame random noises in!

@cardibach you rock!

I don’t consider lunch or coffees out to be a treat; nor weekends away visiting friends or places of interest. They are a necessary part of independent living. I can do these pretty economically because I am strapped for cash. My biggest indulgence is whiling away an hour on MN. But who’s business is this!

Before I has my son I lived alone for a long time.
I'm quite happy in my own company but personally I wouldn't live alone without the cat. I've always had a cat, now I have the cat and some fish. I like having another living thing in the house and not coming home to an empty house. He's usually glad to see me ( even though I know he'd just after grub!) and he's quite patient when I witter on at him.
Cat aside, I like being able to do what I want, when I want, eat what I want, or not cook if I dont want to, buy what I want, or not. I always had quite a busy life - theatre, cinema, gigs, busy jobs so enjoyed evenings at home without having to make an effort for someone else.
I'm aware that I had lots of little routines, go the the market saturday morning, gym after work, laze around with the papers on Sundays, weekends away with friends, facials every 6 weeks or so.

The good thing about living alone? No one is ever in the bathroom when you want to pee.

The bad thing? No one is ever at home

Have you considered getting a lodger for company? Or hosting people on a cultural exchange like language students or couchsurfing or workaway?

I love living alone, but then I'm just antisocial, I crave alone time

OP you say noises are a trigger, is it night time that is the biggest problem? I live alone and started having panic attacks at night after I'd been mugged. many years ago. I found having the radio on low volume all night really helped as it was something soothing to listen to as I went to sleep and meant I wasn't listening out for every little noise outside, and provided background noise if I woke up in the night. 20 years on and I still do it! Its just become a routine, and it gives you a friendly sound to focus on.

My husband works away for long periods of time 6 months plus so whilst I am not completely alone I do long stints.

Routine works for me. Wednesday nights yoga. Saturday morning swimming once a month book club etc. Hive heating also a godsend so never come home to a cold house.

Oh yeah noise in each room. Either radio/podcast/tv is on even on low

Why are you stuck with the house? If you moved to somewhere of your own choosing, you might feel happier. Maybe a flat if you'd prefer to have people around you?
But you can do anything you like. Catch a film on the way home from work or late opening at a gallery. Or make something really delicious for your own dinner. Spend hours in the bath with a book. Or shop late to have free time at weekends - when you can have a nice day out without someone moaning that they don't want to. Don't just sit in listening for creaky floorboards!

God I miss living alone.

The only dishes in the kitchen are yours, you can watch whatever you want, pee with the bathroom door open, eat what you want, drink what you want, decorate however you want. You can go out whenever you like, bring back who you want, no one will judge you for getting 5 takeaways a week (except yourself). You can choose whatever reed diffusers take your fancy! Your free time is yours - if you want to get super in to balloon animals you can fill the entire living room with them, or paintings, or even porn if you like. There's absolutely no one telling you you can't stay up until 3am on week nights playing Sims.

I'm only now considering moving in with DP after nearly 4 years because I love living alone so much (have been living with our toddler for the last 2 years so not really alone these days).

On the noise thing get a radio, a decent door lock, and a biiiiig torch for your bedside table (a hitting murderers torch, no an illuminating the street torch).

I miss living alone sometimes.
Bed to myself, always get to pick what's on TV, eat what I want when I want. Not dealing with a moody husband. Sleeping in when I want.
I agree with PP keep the tv or something on low, 100% helps. X

Why thank you Taff!
You also sound like you are good at being independent.
OP there is a Facebook group called The Living Well Alone Project which might give you some ideas.

I lived alone from being a postgraduate student to moving in with DP in my 30s. Sometimes I found it hard, but actually I still find living with another person harder at times!

Good things:

Never having to close the bathroom door
Eating whatever I wanted - which was often toast/soup for evenings meals because I am lazy
Only worrying about myself money-wise, so if I blew a load of cash on a clothes shopping trip and had to eat pasta until payday, it only impacted me
No-one snoring, or taking 40 minutes for a poo
Can lie in the bath for three hours without anyone needing in

I used to try and plan at least one social thing at the weekend, and I am very happy to go for lunch/coffee/cinema on my own. I read a lot, so always made sure I had books lined up. I tended to have the TV on as background “company”.

Where I struggled was if something went wrong in the flat (which I owned, so no landlord to call) and I didn’t know what to do/who to ring. I got properly ripped off by a plasterer once, then made it a bit of a mission to build up a “bank” of details for tradespeople, based on recommendations. (A friend’s DH is an electrician and was really helpful with this, based on people he knew, some of whom would do homers.) I would really recommend doing this if you don’t already have it.

Oh, and I do volunteering - I present for a fab charity called Playlist For Life (google them - they are awesome) so sometimes I get free meals and evenings out at hotels before presentations.

I have an intruder alarm that I set at night. I’m not a nervous person and I love living alone but the alarm means that any strange creaks or bangs can’t possibly be anything other than normal house movement noises. I no longer have to heave myself out of bed to investigate as the alarm hasn’t been triggered.

Oooh I feel very nostalgic about my four years of complete freedom living in my little house!

Cereal for tea if I felt like it.
Closing the door on the world and knowing I could do whatever the chuff I wanted.
Takeaway if I fancied it - and leaving half in the fridge for tomorrow.
Playing Nintendo without judgement.
Decorating in my style.
Falling asleep to the same movie every night.
NO COMPROMISES! I'm fairly sure either me nor DH actually love anything in our home as we always have to compromise!

Sorry you're jumpy though OP. That is a downside. Would installing an alarm/ security cameras make you feel any better?

A lovely warm winter duvet all to yourself.
Arranging your pillows in your bed how you like them.
Sleeping in the middle of the bed.
Choosing how hot or cold your house is.
Eating what you want when you want.
Full control of the television.
Not having to please anybody else.

Get an Alexa/echo. I swear my mother gives it an ear ache.
You can have music playing quietly all the time, so the stillness is less intrusive. Also, you get into the habit of talking at it, asking it questions (spellings, weather, what's on tv etc).
I know it's not real, but it's an extra voice about the place.

Not having to clean up after someone
Not having to have the same conversations on repeat
Not having to watch bad tv
Being able to do what you want, when you want
Being able to eat when you want

Doesn’t any of that resonate? I adore living alone (with my kid) so really struggle to empathise.

But the cat idea sounds like a winner...

Timetable your alone time and maybe get a cheap web cam or alarm?

@picklesdragonisawelshdragon
“Get an Alexa/echo. I swear my mother gives it an ear ache.“

My destiny beckons

I’m the same op. I’m a single mum and hate living alone. But then I have anxiety anyway, I need to get a dog to help me feel more safe! But I can’t as I don’t have the time for me one.

As for DIY. You tube is your friend. Lots of how to guides for every household job you can think of. I fitted and plumbed in a new bathroom suite on my own. No need for some bloke coming in to mansplain how complicated a simple job is and rip you off.