AIBU over joint tenancy

[AET123]

Hi,

Looking for some advice or real-life examples...

Bit of background: OH & I have lived together for 7 years, bought our first house together 6 years ago and since had two children, the oldest of which is 3. We are now moving to a bigger house as ours seemed to shrink when the kids came along!

We are not agreeing on whether to be joint tenants or tenants in common. OH paid the original deposit for our current house and I signed a document that agreed he'd get that back before splitting any proceeds upon selling the house if we split. Which I was completely fine with and in total agreement of.

OH now wants 75:25 to him if we split and need to sell the house as he pays more for the bills. What he is not taking into consideration is that I reduced my hours at work to make childcare better but also pay for EVERYTHING for the children (furniture/clothes/toys/nursery fees). If we were to split I will not be able to afford to live in the same area on my own so the kids lives will be completely uprooted as, due to the nature of his work, he can't have them full time.

AIBU to want more because of the kids, despite financially he'd be worse off?

Thanks!

It isn't unreasonable for the OP to want the father to do/feel the same and also make sacrifices is it?

Absolutely not, and of course he should, but time and time again we see that men often won’t. Women need to know that when they decide to have children, especially if not married. It’s such a powerless position to be in, and that’s not good for kids either.

Well in one way, I don’t see the problem. Women are born with pretty much the same opportunities as men these days. If you decide to throw away your career and pension to enable a man you’re not married to to build his whilst you play skivvy at home, then more fool you frankly.

^Completely agree with this. Too many women want to play the victim card.

Thanks everyone for your messages. We have agreed on 50/50 joint tenancy to secure the house if one of us dies but will be writing up a document to say that he gets his deposit back. We will also be writing wills to clear some areas of concern up.

I feel bad that my post is painting OH in a bad light. Generally he is a very reasonable person and this behaviour was almost out of character for him. He works in a Male dominated industry and hears endless stories of women "screwing men over". I just needed to remind him that I'm not those women he hears about and we have always been a partnership.

In terms of reducing my hours, this was required due to many factors. After DC1 I actually didn't reduce, I changed my hours to FT condensed. After DC2 our childcare circumstances changed and one of us was required to reduce. As OH is the higher wage earner (because he happens to be in a higher earning industry) and my employer were more flexible than his (again, because of the industry I work in) it logically made sense for me to be the one to reduce. I also needed to remind him of this.

I'm disappointed people didn't focus on the needs of the children here and instead focused on our working arrangements. There's always a lot more to a situation or decision than someone can physically type in a box and assumptions were made about us as people that are actually very off the mark!

Thanks again for everyone's feedback.
Have a great Wednesday!

He works with misogynists so you have to remind him that he isn't one. Sounds great

OP you're still very vulnerable financially from the sounds of it. If he's needing to be shown how unreasonable he is on this one specific thing then how is he going to be if you split? I would encourage you to get your own financial independence for your sake and for the sake of the kids. Just because he's a higher earner doesn't always mean you should work less, particularly given his attitude to money.

He works in a Male dominated industry and hears endless stories of women "screwing men over". I just needed to remind him that I'm not those women he hears about and we have always been a partnership.

Lol.

I’d insist on getting married before moving that way it’s spilt 50/50.

It's good that you've come to an agreement you're both happy with @AET123.