Engaged, but fancy someone else

[Realitycheckneeded122]

Hi, I'm expecting to be absolutely flamed for this, but I think i need it!
I have been with my Fiance for 7 years, it has fizzled out and we are more like friends, no intimacy. I am in a same sex relationship.

I have developed this unrelenting crush on a former coworker (who is straight) and i really can't shift it. Would i BU to tell her? She flirts with me!

I know there are so many things wrong with this... its cheating, she is straight, ruin the friendship etc. My fiance was my first relationship, i cant but help but feel i have missed out. Fully prepared to be flamed for this. Thanks in advance.

You need to end things with your fiancé. Clearly the relationship has run its course and you both deserve the opportunity to find happiness with others. However I don’t think the ex-colleague is going to be that person if she is straight. Whatever you do, end your relationship first.

I wouldn’t tell the former coworker. Chances are she’s flirting with you because you’re safe to flirt with. Definitely don’t say anything unless/until you end your current relationship.

It sounds like where you need to focus your energy is on whether your current relationship is going to last the distance. No intimacy after only 7 years isn’t great!

Ask yourself honestly if the spark is still there if you both worked at it?

Do you still feel for her? When did it start to get complacent?

Separate the two issues. No point in getting married to someone you don't fancy any more. If it has fizzled out - accept it, that relationship is dead. Sad but true.

Not sure what to advise on the co-worker. If you were (single) would suggest going for it.

This former co-worker is probably not going to be interested in getting involved with you if she's straight.

You need to take her out of the equation before making the decision

I think that regardless of whether or not you talk to your coworker, if you are feeling this way about your current relationship then you should end things with your fiancée. It will hurt but ultimately is better than going into a marriage already feeling lukewarm, and certainly better than proceeding with the engagement with the intent to cheat.

Agree with everyone else. Don't cheat. It causes so much heartache. Sort out you and fiance then, if you are single, see what happens. It's likely you're bored and are enjoying the excitement. Sort out the boring first. If you've grown up and apart (which is sad but common) then have it as a lovely memory but move on. Your fiancé doesn't deserve to be trampled on.

You need to break up with your finance

As said above, if you are now attracted to someone else your present relationship has run its course and you should let that person go - as gently as possible. She's not really your fiancée as you don't appear to be intending to get married.

Engagement means nothing really. Be kind and end it, before you pursue other options

Coworker is probably just enjoying the attention and would have no intention of being in any kind of relationship with you.

You do need to break up with your fiancée though, sorry

Some people just have flirty personalities so I wouldn’t set any store by a potential relationship with your co-worker.
However, if you do the right thing and end things with your fiancée, maybe co-worker will say “oh, reality, I’ve been dreaming of this day and now we can be together”. Probably not. The point is you can’t think about that until you’ve thought about your current relationship and whether it is salvageable or better given a dignified ending.

Definitely end it with you DF if things aren't good. Do not cheat as you will give your DF a lifetime of trust issues.

You need to weigh up the pros and cons of telling your friend. Worse case scenario is she gets weirded out and ends your friendship