Cutting off contact with a friend

[Atthemoulinrouge]

I’ve a friend I’ve known for about 6 months now - we meet up for drinks maybe a couple of times a month but don’t have any mutual friends or anything, she has said to me she doesn’t have many friends and I’m one of the only few she does have. I do generally like her and she has always been nice to my face, but I’m becoming increasingly uncomfortable about the way she talks about her one other friend who is a girl she knows from uni. Every time we meet she gives me an update on this girl and every time without fail it’s really negative - that the girl is lazy and unambitiois and is draining to be around, that because she’s never been in a relationship (she’s 29) it’s never going to happen for her and she should just give up now, that she doesn’t wear make up and always looks a state (she looked absolutely fine to me the couple of times I have met her). She also tags this same friend on Facebook all the time and refers to her as a BFF... so I feel very cautious now I’m saying anything myself as I’m pretty sure she will bitch about me in the same way she does this other girl, and either way I just feel a bit... bitchy engaging in any of it. I think ghosting someone is v harsh but not sure how I’d even bring something like this up? Anyone else been in a friendship like this and how have you dealt with it? I think I may just reduce contact.

How did you guys meet? Are you likely to bump in to her a lot? It doesn't sound great - it sounds a bit like she is lonely and doesnt have much going on in her life and it isn't nice for her to be speaking about her friend like that. If you do like her, maybe reduce contact and then when you do see her, if she starts to talk about her friend, try to divert the topic. She may get the picture not to talk about her.

Next time she starts, just say, "Why do you call X your friend? You never have a nice word to say about her. Is this how you talk about me behind my back?"

Apart from anything else, she sounds very boring company if all she does is bitch - I'd cut back on contact.

I agree with katy1213. Call her out on it.

I had an acquaintance like that, never had a good word to say about anyone. I began to wonder the same thing you do; what was she saying about me? I gradually reduced contact with her and haven't seen her for a couple of years now. It really was like a weight being lifted, that kind of relentless negativity drags one down...

I wouldn't want to be friends with somebody who could speak about a friend in that way.
I wonder why it is that she doesn't have a lot of friends? There'll be a reason for that.

Call her out on her two-faced bitching!
Then just distance yourself from her - she probably talks about you behind your back to her 'bff'

Agree with the above posters. Ask her why she speaks about her friend like that and why she even bothers with her.
I'd reduce contact, be a bit more unavailable and she will hopefully get the message