To not allow my ex to take the 7m old

[Misswhitman]

Context: I have a 22m old and a 7m old with my ex. We split around the time I got pregnant with the second because I had discovered he was using cocaine. He has been taking my eldest for 6 hours a week on a Sunday since he was 10 months old. He showed no interest in being at the second baby’s birth and was too hungover to come get us the next day from the hospital. My 7 month is breastfed and he hasn’t helped at all. He sees him when he’s picking my eldest up for his visits. He lives with his mum who I fell out with because she wouldn’t stop kissing my eldest on the mouth when he was a baby. She also condones all of my exes behaviour. He is now insisting on taking our EBF baby out to meet his family and on having my eldest overnight. I have said no to overnights as I think it would be stressful for my eldest (his dad has never put him to bed) and no to taking the baby because I don’t believe him capable of caring for a baby and my 7 m old has never been without me. Am I being unreasonable?

You need a section 7 report ordered by the court. Calmly tell them your concerns. Social Services will investigate and report back to the court who will make their orders which are completely unenforceable in most cases but at least you tried.

Social Services will investigate and report back to the court

This wouldn’t be social services either, it’d be Cafcass, if a Section 7 was ordered. The first issue, though, would be drug testing, if he actually does make a court application that’s where you’d want to start.

It is social services.

Inliverpool1 no, it’s Cafcass unless social services are already involved with the family, and OP makes no mention of this.

just you wait until he meets some daft cow who wants to play part time mummy and starts egging him on
Oh @Inliverpool1 that’s hilarious when I’ve spotted you all over other threads lambasting SMs for not doing/paying/loving enough their step children
OP my friend was/is in a similar situation. Her childs father was unreliable, on drugs, put the baby in harms way (he was hurt more than once), his mother wasn’t to be trusted either. Long story short, she stopped all contact and moved away. Drastic decision that I know she worries about the potential long term consequences of, but what she felt she had to do to protect her child from further harm.
The anxiety that this must cause you must be awful.

Actually no @FenellaVelour that’s not always the case. You may have experienced one thing, I have experienced something else.

@HillAreas When the father is a complete tit, the rules are different

Actually no @FenellaVelour that’s not always the case. You may have experienced one thing, I have experienced something else.

It absolutely is the case and there are written guidelines for who carries out the Section 7 in certain circumstances. It’s literally my job, so I do know this.

FenellaVelour you can argue all you like that wasn’t what happened in our not other people I’ve met and discussed the matter with. I never even met cafcass after the first 5 minute directional hearing and we’d certainly never had SS involvement.
As I say not the only ones to bypass cafcass either so 🤷‍♀️

proceduresonline.com/trixcms/media/1755/sector-wide-guidance-on-writing-a-section-7-report.pdf
Cafcass or independent SW in black and white

There must have been social care involvement in that case, inliverpool. There’s no way overworked local authority social workers will do work they’re not obligated to do! The guidance is very clear. If there’s no current social work involvement or no significant social care history, it’s Cafcass who will do the Sec7. I’ve never once seen an exception to this and I do this work every day.

No there wasn’t.
Can’t speak for other people.
Perhaps different authorities do things differently. Interesting you’re so adamant that you are correct even when presented with the facts though. Fills people with confidence when dealing with the family court

@Inliverpool1
You should write a book to keep us all abreast of the rules
I’m with you on your opinion of the father, although I do think you may have been a bit kind.

I’m sure people are able to apply discretion to the rules depending on the individual situation @HillAreas you know as intelligent people do rather than
Just take a position and stick to it even when the facts contradicts it

You haven’t provided anything much different to what I’ve said - I’ve never said social workers don’t prepare S7 reports. Just that the clear guidance before the court is that it is Cafcass who is directed unless there is current or significant historical involvement from the Local Authority.

Read back what you’ve written. Adamant that SS wouldn’t write the report. But actually they can and do with no mention of previous involvement being a prerequisite. I hope you are lying and aren’t in sort of position of power.
Anyway OP sorry for derailing.
Good luck

If the court didn’t follow that guidance in your case, for whatever reason, it would be an exception rather than the rule, and frankly I’m amazed the social workers didn’t bounce it back because they would where I am! They’ve got enough on their plates.

It might all be moot anyway as the court may not even direct a Section 7 in the OP’s case.

But actually they can and do with no mention of previous involvement being a prerequisite

The document you link is a guide for the professionals preparing a S7 not guidance to the court on directing a S7, which does set out those prerequisites.

Op, I feel like shaking you!!

You're letting your 22 month old toddler go off into the care of a cocaine user like it's nothing! Of course you need to know if he's rehabilitated or not, he could be driving drugged up, associating with criminals, what if the toddler found some?!

Some of his other behaviour sounds like shit parenting but the drug use is just dangerous and minimising the impact here is madness.

Communication by written form. Start gathering evidence of his parenting. Tell him you need formalized care arrangements, where his drug use and toxic mother will be discussed by impartial court members.

I think you've been so long in a Jeremy Kyle style group of people you're not thinking properly here, you're inviting trouble if you start letting this piss poor druggie dad orhis mum use your home as the place for building bonds with the kids, it's messy, confusing etc to kids. It's not normal for a reason. You think you're being accomodating but why are you permitting healthy boundaries to be crossed ?!

Seriously, wake up - courts would be on your side, the idea of an exclusively breastfed baby from being separated from the mother for 12+hrs is laughable.

But what on earth are you going to say when a judge asks you why you let him go off with your eldest in his care if you don't even know if he's taking cocaine still?!

Thank you for all your kind words. He uses drugs recreationally on nights out as far as I’m aware and I kicked him out immediately as soon as I found out and reported it to social services because I didn’t want them to think I was complicit. I think he’s a bully and he’s used to getting his own way but that he’s all style no substance so if it came down to it I don’t think he’d push. I think he knows deep down he’s got a good deal and even he can’t deny I’m a good mum.

I would not let him or his mother have any contact with either of the children if he is still a user. Neither of your children are safe with them. I would be prepared to take this to court if I had to.