To quit my job.

[cartwrightmaria]

I have been self employed for the last 5 years, and I am able to make a decent living from it, enough to live comfortably. My self employment is limited to the evenings, which impacts my time with DC, 3 times a week I am working straight after school until 8.30pm and I have no interaction with colleagues. I am working 15 hours at my self employment.

I liked plodding around in the day when DC we’re at school, I enjoyed being able to watch daytime TV, go for walks, have a nap, prepare dinners for the evenings, do housework etc. But not seeing DC after school for 3 days of the week and having no colleagues began to get me down.

I applied for a job last year and got it. It is working 12 hours a week, doing the same as I do now except in an office based setting. It is during school hours, but the pay is not great and as a result I can only get rid of one evening per week of self employment. I could do 4 hours of self employment a week and earn the same amount from the 12 hours in the office. I am still isolated with no colleagues as they are a lot older than me and we have little in common, as a result I mostly sit on my own. I find myself spending my Sunday dreading work and because I am now working 2 jobs, I am a single parent, I find myself knackered. I also don’t like having to ask permission to take time off for school events or being able to shape my own hours/days etc, which obviously isn’t an issue with my self employment.

I am just not sure if I am cut out for employment after having all the luxuries of working for myself, and I really am considering just quitting and picking up more self employment work again.

You're not being unreasonable but only you can answer this. If you were posting about whether or not to start the job you're now thinking of quitting, I would have said you'll probably grow to resent the fact you have to work 12 hours to earn the same you could in 4 of self-employment and you'll grow tired of the constraints of being an employee. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

It sounds like there's more downsides to being employed then there are positives. Whichever route you choose there is a compromise, sadly that's life.

How easy is it for you to pick up the extra 4 hours again?. If its easy then I would swap the 12 hour weekly office grind for 4 hours evening work!.

Are there any social groups you could join during the day to build up some friendships with?

Could you not quit this jobs and work at home in the school-term daytime, say 3 or 4 mornings a week, and have the afternoons free to prepare food, potter around etc?

Why can’t you do the self employed job during the day?

To avoid being outing, my job can only be done during those after school hours. It’s very difficult, almost impossible to find work during the day time.

I could easily pick up the extra 4 hours and some, I get requests all the time. It just means less time with the DC after school and having to rely on grandparents to do dinner and homework etc.

I could join clubs and the gym and look for other social events to fill the socialising hole.

Life is too short to waste feeling dreary and isolated about work.

So its a choice between

School job plus two evenings work = more time with dc, more stress for you

Four evenings work = less time with dc, more chill time for you

I think the job is the problem. Is there a better job with a more fun environment you could apply for?

If not, you could quit, take up some day time hobbies, and (I really recommend) get yourself a coach, and keep an foot in looking for the 'right' job. Loads of self employed people have coaches.

I see only positives in your situation, as you have alternatives!

Yes I am tempted to look at doing something during the day that I really enjoy. It is not really about the money as I can pick this up from self employment. I would like more evenings with DC but this will be difficult, and even with the 12 hour job it only allows me to drop one evening. Then I am knackered when I do have time with DC anyway as I am having to do two jobs, mentally prepare for two... I am not enjoying the job, but I am not sure if I would enjoy employment full stop as I enjoy the benefits of self employment so much.

Couldn’t you spread the hours over more days so it’s not full evenings and you could spend a little bit of time with D.C. before working

I could possibly have a bit of leeway whereby I could have two hours after school (1 on Monday, 1 on Tuesday) extra a week with DC, by shifting around my current clients. At the moment there are a lot paying my old, cheaper rate so increasing their fees or taking on new clients at the higher rate could also solve that issue.

I am just sat here really not wanting to go into work tomorrow, last week I was almost in tears. I feel like the dread ruins my whole Sunday. When I am actually there it is not actually that bad, it’s more the feeling running up to it and also knowing I’ve got to work in the daytime then evening work too. This job doesn’t and wouldn’t pay enough to support us, I’d always need some form of self employed work.

Definitely quit the job. Spending your life (Sunday blues) dreading it is no life. Also I recognise the 'headspace' challenge of holding 2 jobs in your head, it's not worth it.

Pretty much any job cuts down on your time with your kids, whether it's before school or after school, or weekend days. You could concentrate on the positives:

• you've got all weekend with them (including homework liaison time)
• you've got no before school childcare issues
• you've got 2 evenings a week work free
• finishing at 8.30pm, sounds like you can wish the DC good night, check in with them - depends on their ages but it's been years since my kids bedtime was earlier than 8.30pm.
• you'll have all school hours free for looking for any other ways of earning a living that could be within school hours