Daughter starting to take drugs

[Skippingabeat]

Not an AIBU but a WWUD. And I apologize in advance if I don’t make sense. I’m just exhausted. I’m still in bed, it’s 4 am my time, and I’ve barely had any sleep.

Today my DD (14) has asked me to drop her at the mall with her friend. I did and then took my DSs (7) to a small gated park. They both have severe autism.

2 hours later when we had just left the park, she called me that she’s having a panic attack. I was a few minutes away from her so I rushed and picked her up. She had taken weed in a rice crispy cookie that her friend gave her. Her heart was racing, she was hallucinating, and thought she will die.

I got her home and called the paramedics. They took her blood pressure, sugar,.. and told her to just take water and rest. Her heart beat was 130/min.

Bit of background so I don’t drip feed: her dad and I have been going through a horrible divorce. Everything you read about divorcing a narcissist, he’s done it. Mid November we had our final divorce trial, after more than 4 years in court, and the same he sent me that he can’t have physical custody of the kids and needs to leave the country for work. He has his own business in another country and for years he’s been claiming to make zero income. We had since been out of the country and barely communicating with her.

3 weeks ago I found out she was vaping. Now this. I’ve tried the gentle words, I’ve tried the being strict.

How do I get to her cause it’s only getting worse. And should I tell the her friend’s mom?

Keep talking to her, don’t scold her, channels of communication need to stay open. Research as much as you can about cannabis use and give her the facts. It sounds like her brain didn’t react well to weed so hopefully as it was an unpleasant experience she won’t want to do it again.
It’s a normal phase for many teenagers, the important thing is not to isolate her and make her feel you’re mad at her

Shes probably not gonna do that again if that was her experience...

not sure - she's vaped and eaten a crispy cake with some cannabis in it - that scared the bejesus out of her and she called you - I'd say lesson learned - ground her for a bit and have a sane conversation about drugs?

And yes you should tell the other child’s parents

Do you think this will have sufficiently scared her?
Absolutely you tell the other kids parents

I'd praise her for calling you when she felt she had lost control and needed help. That's the positive to take from this. Talk to her and listen to her. You'll get a feel if she's likely to do it again and decide if she needs support or discipline.

Thank you so much for quick replies. I'm trying to keep my cool and hoping she learned a lesson.

My sister told me she had tried many drugs when she was younger and hated them all. I hope it's genetic. I myself don't get any buzz from alcohol, just makes me sleepy.

I know she's been going through a lot. With her brothers and her dad. And I struggle to find time for her as I work full time and when I'm home I'm supervising her brothers. I can't take my eyes off them for even a couple of minutes.

@m0therofdragons I'm happy she called me. That's the only positive I get from that. And in her panicking she was saying how much she loves me and she doesn't want to leave me (she threatens sometimes that she wants to live with her dad) and she doesn't want to die.

She'll be angry if I told the other mom, but I feel I have to.

You mention you work full time & have other children who are a handful.

Firstly tell her how you admire how well she has dealt with the problem that have left you all unsettled within the court case.

When the younger kids are in bed, give her time to talk, ask about her friends/her day, encourage her to do baking, arty things (if she has the art flair) anything where she is the centre of your attention.

OMG. Glad it was no worse.

absolutely tell the other child's mother as the kid needs the modern equivalent of a good slap. Remind both of them that illegal drugs support knife crime, county lines, gang violence and cuckooing as well as the health risks.

I need to try to find time for her. I stay in bed with my boys until they fall asleep and usually fall asleep with them. And then she stays awake until after midnight on her phone God knows doing what.

I will tell the other girl's parents. But she will not be allowed to see her anymore. They're not at the same school this year.

She likes art. I need maybe to sign her up for a class or something. Problem is her dad won't pay for anything, even with the court order. I'll check if there's any community classes or something.

For those who have more experience with drugs, does a bad first experience scare you off? Or do people continue experimenting until they find something they like?