To not want to go out because of my weight?

[Hidingaway200]

I weigh 15 stone now and I’m 5’7, I’ve been trying to lose weight for a few years. Always losing some, putting back on some weight again. I used to be 19stone. I still feel fat, I don’t want to go out. I avoid buying clothes because I think to myself once I reach my target weight of 11 stone, I’ll buy clothes and makeup but it never happens. Half term is coming up, and I’m dreading it! Because that means I have to go out with the kids, and I don’t like it.

I’m so self conscious about my body, but I sometimes think fuck it, go buy some nice clothes and go out, stop hiding away. Because I always see women who are the same weight as me or bigger who look so beautiful with nice clothes going out with their kids. I wish I had the confidence to do that, but instead I’m hiding away in my house, eating and living my life in my head.

I would also love to wear jeans, but I feel so self conscious about it because of my calves and thighs. Instead I wear maxi dresses

It is about confidence. You know some women can do this. You need to buy some clothes that you feel good in. Have you thought of trying a personal shopper in John Lewis? I know this might be hard but might do the trick. For example a good qualtity pair of trousers and a nice loose top made from lovely material. JD Williams do some nice things if you prefer online

In the nicest way possible, what makes you think people will be looking at you? People who are out and about with their kids are focused on themselves and their own children, they are not looking at other people who happen to be at the same museum/soft play/park. People are in general self-absorbed and just don't have the head space to be looking at other people and making comments.

SIL is just like you and her kids have really lost out because their mum was too self-conscious to take them swimming, or even to play in the park.

Seriously. Just get on with it and go out. And wear whatever you're comfortable in.

I am a few stone bigger than you and a few inches shorter but I don't let that stop me from going out and doing the things I want to do. I don't like how I look but due to a number of reasons, including arthritis, it's hard to do anything about it at the moment. I work full time and I'm a carer to my husband so I can't sit at home and let my weight get to me as there are things I HAVE to do and things I WANT to do for my own mental health.

I don't know if confidence comes with age. I'm nearly 50 and no longer care what people think of how I look. I dress nicely, I have good friends, I'm a kind person and to me, those are the things that matter more than what I look like. I find jeans uncomfortable so I favour leggings with jumper dresses, very long tunics and maxi dresses. Or I have some nice trousers with ankle books and a long jumper. Right now I'm in my pjs!

This morning I've been swimming in the sea with a group of friends in a place that's fairly busy with all year round swimmers but my fat white thighs have been on display and I can't hide how fat I am so I might as well just get on with things.

I really don't think most people are looking at what size you are. They will be seeing a mum who is out there doing nice things with her children and giving them a happy childhood. You are who you are, embrace it. Other people's opinions don't matter, especially the opinions of strangers who don't know you.

I have already told this story on MN...
I used to refuse to go swimming because of my weight (same height as you, my highest weight ever was 103kg / over 16st).
DC1 never went to the swimming pool because of it.
On his 4th birthday I bit the bullet and took him swimming, expecting to be ridiculed (and this is France, where overweight people are treated with disgust).
Well... Nobody gave me a second look. Nobody cared. People have better things to do

Please go and enjoy yourself.

Side note : it is much easier to lose weight after you learn to love and respect yourself, because you tend not to harm a body you love. Self-confidence and self-respect are not a consequence of weight loss, but a cause.

I genuinely don’t think size matters in whether a person looks good. It’s all about confidence.

What’s your shape like? You need to choose clothes that flatter your shape, make sure they’re in the right size and not the size you want to be, not a good look on anyone.

How about focusing on your health rather than size? Exercise is brilliant at releasing endorphins and making you feel good about yourself.

I'm bigger than you and go all over the world. I'm 5ft 8 and when I was your weight I didn't think I looked too bad.

Don't hide away. No-one is looking at you. Be grateful you have your health. You can't stop living life as it's so short.

I weigh more than you and I’m a size 26,just bought myself lots of new clothes,busy packing up old ones for charity shop.i love clothes ,perfume ,,my size won’t stop me looking nice .
I also hit the gym every morning at 6 am ,I’m Not the fattest there either 🙂.now I have nice clothes ,and I’m exercising,I’m just starting to think about making some changes to the food I eat .
I have noticed I don’t stuff my face with crisps if I wear lipstick and makeup ..bizarrely
In all the times I’ve been to the gym ,over a year now ,I’ve never once noticed anyone looking at me .everyone is far to busy looking at themselves 💐💐💐

Regarding jeans ,look in simply be ,you can try before you buy ,

In the nicest way possible, what makes you think people will be looking at you?

I agree with this. There have only been a few occassions in my life where I've been with someone who was pointing out random stranger's flaws. Those people were dickheads. Most normal people are doing their own thing and are not interested in whether or not the woman across the road is fat or thin.

Go buy three tops you love and three pairs of jeans- in the size you are now.
I don’t really notice clothing size as much as pretty colours/fabrics, and how children & their parents interact.

You're not that big! Probably a size 16, the national average. Slimming World?

I totally get how you feel, it can be so overwhelming that I end up doing nothing and then realise I feel worse! How about identifying one thing you’d really like to do this week, e.g buy and wear a pair of jeans, go for a swim, whatever appeals to you, tell us you’re going to do it and then report back on this thread what happened, how it felt etc.

Seriously, noone will give a shit

You’re the same height as me and a good few stone lighter. In fact, I wish I was 15 stone.
I do think the pp who said confidence comes with age was right. I’m 51 now and have finally lost that self consciousness, thinking everyone is looking at me.
Buy yourself some jeggings and a couple of long tops and get out there. Go for a walk, a look round a garden centre, a coffee in a cafe, to a supermarket, or go swimming. Honestly no one will give you a second glance.
Not only for you but the other larger ladies on this thread, I’ve only just discovered that Dorothy Perkins, New Look and Matalan do curve ranges online. H&M do too but i had a look and wasn’t that impressed possibly because of the stupid sizing. But I’ve had some nice things from the others.
I’ve crept up a size lately but I’m starting not to care what the label says if it fits well. Nice clothes definitely give you confidence!

Stop putting your life on hold!

Buy nice clothes NOW that look great and make you feel great. Go out and live your life. If other people care about how you look (and really, almost nobody does) who cares anyway?

Thank you so much, you've all made me feel a bit better.

@RoyalChocolat aww I'm glad you went! It's incredible how our mind can free us, but at the same time be our worst enemy and keep us in prison.

@Christmaspug you're probably one of those women I always look at and think, wow I wish I looked that good and had your confidence to live life

This is so sad. Please don’t wait until you get to a set weight to be happy. That really is no way to live. As others have said. By yourself so jeans and give permission to be happy. Maybe thinking about some counselling?

I hate my large tummy, and am a bit anxious about dressing for my figure, but the best advice I was given was - when I'm sat there in my 90s in a nursing home, I don't want to be thinking about all the time I've wasted worrying about what I looked like, I want to be thinking back on all the lovely memories of days out and time spent with the ones I love.

Learn to love your body as it is, easier said than done but it deserves to be treated with respect at whatever size it is.

Go out with your kids, they don't care what size you are, they just want to spend some time with you.

I strongly recommend looking at some YouTubers who are larger ladies, wear whatever they like and look fabulous.
Natalie Drue, Sierra shultzie, A Vintage Vanity, Lose It Like Lauren and Thrift Thick are my favourites. Watching them has really helped me get more confident.

My DM was always worried about her weight ( not morbidly overweight but overweight) she was a widow and was always working on her feet ( bar maid) she didn't over eat but used to drink when customers bought her a drink. She used to ask us kids discretely 'I'm not that big am I? when she'd see someone else overweight, if course we'd always say no.... when my DM got dementia and finally passed after 9 long years her weight was about 6 stone and it was heartbreaking to see this proud, strong woman reduced to a small helpless tiny being. What I'd do for just one hour, one day to give my beautiful round, cuddly mum another hug. Her look and cuddly body never mattered to us having her here did. There are many beautiful women out there who are a curvy size and with the right choice of style and a beautiful smile with confidence you will attract the right people around you. Ps most men like curvy ladies too .

Don’t wait until you’re thinner to live, OP! Treat yourself to some jeans that fit you right now, go out and have fun! People are not looking at you as much as you imagine.

Oo. Gavisgonismyfriend. I like that idea. Perhaps you should start a thread for 0eople to do just that 💐

I was going to say the exact thing RoyalChocolate did
Side note : it is much easier to lose weight after you learn to love and respect yourself, because you tend not to harm a body you love. Self-confidence and self-respect are not a consequence of weight
This is spot on.