Sweet meltdown

[hipslikecinderella]

We went to the theatre last night and before we left I told dd (8) there would be no sweets or ice cream as she had eaten a lot of sugar that day.
Lots of whining and saying I'm not coming. Finally she got in the car and continued to whine. She had a friend over, first playdate with us, and I didn't want all the upset. So I said, "Ok girls you can have 50p of pick n mix each. But dd, no sweets tomorrow (we are going to an event where there will be sweets)."
They filled up their bags and we queued to pay, but dd was still going on about tomorrow's sweets. I tried ignoring her and she ended up hitting my arm twice. So I steered her over to stand away from me, and put the pick n mix back.
For the next 15 mins dd cried and wailed I want to go home. Very embarrassing and horrible for her friend. She only stopped when the show started.
This is v unusual for her she is normally so well behaved in public. I feel like such a crap indecisive mum. But sweets are everywhere I'm everything we do and trying to avoid them impossible.
How could I have done this better?

Cupcakes and chocolate aren't 'sweets' they're cakes and chocolate.
Pic an mix is sweets.

You shouldn't have mentioned no sweets tomorrow, just have that conversation on the day.

It doesn't always have to be no, just everything in moderation and if the rest of her daily diet is good then i don't see a huge issue

Some good advice thanks planning ahead will help. They had one cake each.

You seem to be making sweets a big deal, by constantly going on about you can't have sweets later and/or you can't have sweets tomorrow, why are you even mentioning sweets tomorrow?

Just reduce the amount of sweet things available generally, if they have some from the front of a magazine and then some later at the theatre who cares it's not happening everyday.

You are giving her issues around sweet foods, plus then you are backing down after saying no 🤷‍♀️

I agree with not making it an issue. Does your username suggest issues around weight/food?

One cupcake each and then you actually abandoned pick and mix they'd already put together (mortifying for both you and your daughter). The sweets on the magazine don't count, let's face it, what you get free with a magazine is negligible.

It's a pixies song. But I have def had food issues and been too skinny. I eat rubbish but dont want my kids to. I wish I could be a better example, but I am also flawed.

It's hard to strike a balance but treats at the theatre would be allowed here.

The cupcake was probably less than the pudding they are given at school. It's not sweets.

Your daughter needs pulling on her behaviour and her attitude towards you but that is separate from the food issues

Theatre is a treat, especially with a friend, so I wouldn’t have said ‘no sweets’ at the theatre in the first place. I also wouldn’t have mentioned tomorrow’s sweets... you cross that bridge when you come to it.

You need to give the kid some control.

The magazine sweets I'd have said you can have these now or later at the theatre. But not both. The cookies I'd have taken to the cinema........getting kids to make the right choices is a better path to go down than just a blind 'no'. It brings good habits for the future.

I don't know if I've got the wrong end of the stick but the sweets seems to hold to much importance.
It sounds like all day it was no sweets later as you had sweet stuff today. Then it was put your sweets back and no sweets tomorrow.
It probably built up to more than it should have been. Like if I said to you right we're having no mumsnet tomorrow it seems like more of a loss than if you just didn't use it.
Sometimes events happen that we eat a lot of junk in one day. I feel it's more damaging to feel bad about things like this rather than being like well today was fun but meals tomorrow are going to be healthy ones.
My kids don't really eat sweets or junk and I don't really keep them in the house but if we go to a party or someone brings something round they can have it. It feels more damaging to put to much importance and guilt on the food. Sometimes I have said things like oh daddy/grandad/whoever loves these lets put some away for them and they can have it when they come. So they're not really being denied the food but not just thinking of themselves either.

If she's usually well behaved I wouldn't lose to much sleep about it but plan on you head what you would do in a similar situation on the future (like let her eat junk or try and reduce what they had in the day)

One cup cake is nothing. I would have suggested that if she wanted sweets at the theatre then she should save the ones she got with her magazine for it, but she would be allowed an ice cream there either way.

Something like a trip to the theatre, for a child the sweets are important. I wouldn’t have put that restriction in at all. Poor girl!

I think you were really sweating the small stuff. Mentioning tomorrow’s sweets is just inflammatory. It’s making an issue before there even is one. Tomorrow is tomorrow!

I’ll never ever understand the handwringing about sugar on here.

My DS is 3- im fortunate he doesn’t actually like “sweets” but loves cake, chocolate, ice cream... we probably have a small treat 3 or 4 days out of 7. He’s very active, brushes his teeth twice a day, and eats around 8-10 portions of fruit and veg. We rarely have tantrums about sweet stuff... and he’ll push away a plate of cake or a bowl of ice cream
as soon as he’s full.

He also knows about healthy and not healthy, and balance. Because we talk all the time about choices - choices between cake now or later, a big fruit salad or a small chocolate etc etc. He makes the choices, and I enforce the rules around them.

I had an eating disorder in my twenties, and it was all because I didn’t understand healthy appetite regulation, or how to make food choices. Food also was a reward growing up- food is totally unemotional as far as DS is concerned. Rewards, sanctions, “treats” are based around activities, TV etc- but never food.

I’d say that you need to reassess how important all of this is to YOU, how important YOU are making it in your DDs eyes, and how far SHE is empowered to understand her autonomy, dietary choices and the consequences of those choices.

It all seems a bit ott really. Would one weekend of treats have been such a big deal? It seems like you kept bringing up the negative of ‘not in the theatre, not tomorrow etc. It was almost like it was being made into a big deal. The friends I had growing up with the most issues around food had really strict parents or has parents that talked about weight and food a lot. Those were the ones that struggled with bulimic tendencies in later life- they just seemed to drift slowly from wanting the forbidden stuff to really, really wanting the forbidden stuff and then binging and later purging.

One cupcake is barely anything!

Why not learn to make healthy cupcakes then you don't have to seem like you are limiting them as much

Next time, they bake pizza or cheese straws or something.

Mine are mostly grown up now OP. But yeah, echoing others here, sweets on a magazine, cupcake then a few sweets or an ice cream at the theatre, I would have let it go as a one off.

It is irritating if friends bring loads of crap to a play date. All you can do is keep pushing the message about healthy eating; it’s a marathon not a sprint.

I was talking to a friend my age the other day and we were chuckling about how healthily our young adult offspring eat and agreeing that preaching healthy eating often seemed like an uphill task when they were little but it seems to have sunk in.

Probably missing the point of the thread but I'm amazed that you'd be able to get more than a couple of sweets at a pic n mix at the theatre for 50p!

Yes that was my thought wonderwoman98!!!

Sugar is a normal part of a diet, not turkey excessive or loads no. But children have to learn it’s just one part, I am not a massive fan of a total no.

I'd have not said no sweets. I'd have let her have a few. I certainly wouldn't have mentioned tomorrow's sweets.

I'd also make it very clear that if she behaved like that again you'd be taking her straight home.

Errr turkey! Not sure in autocorrect there!!