AIBU to think I should just suck it up?

[hs8eug56]

I feel so guilty, my DP sibling (DPS) is a good person and I really care about them but they have depression and I don't think I can take it anymore. I have had depression before and know how lonely it can be.

I have tried my upmost for the last two years to include this person and help them feel loved. I cook for them all the time, invite them out, and defiantly do my part. None is reciprocated but that doesn't bother me.

But it has got to a point where everything they do irritates me. I think its because I struggled once and I tried so hard to help myself and this person never tries to better themselves. I struggle with their laziness, unreliability, and how down and exhausted I feel after they have been round.

Myself and my dp are the only people DPS knows in the city so we see them three times at ours and my dp really wants them there so they can support them.

My blood boils in their presence and I get really angry. DBS has no idea as I disguise it easily but I am snappy and angry for the rest of the evening after DBS has left which isn't fair on my DP.

Logistically DPS has to come over to ours it makes no sense for DP to go over there so thats not a solution.

I have tried to be the support to DBS I never had and I think its helping them. Shall I just go on and suck it up?

What's the reason your DP can't go to DPS house?

Can you develop a hobby so cannot be in during visits?

You've given a lot, received nothing back, and the resentment has now kicked in. Maybe you didn't get much support for your own depression, and this is adding further fuel to your resentment. Maybe you were able to function better than this person during your own depression, so subconsciously you're wondering why they can't be the same.
Work out in your own head what you are willing and happy to offer this person. Give that and no more. Heathy relationships are not built on continual acts of self-sacrifice.

Compassion fatigue.

Time to get a conveniently timed hobby.

you're all right I do need to get out a bit more . im very crafty and have a lot of hobbies but they're all inside. I do think I am resentful @Dieu you've hit the nail on the head.

The reason DP can't go to their house is because it is so far away and DPS works next to us so is always in the area and has a car, where as we would have to take 3 buses. Their apartment is also very cold and dirty. I re did it all last year to make it lovely by it has gone back to how it was before.

You'd think that if you have had depression you'd be the ideal person to support someone with depression, but I'm not convinced it works for either of you.
I think you reach the point where you start questioning how much you give, and start asking 'What are you doing to help yourself'? and that is perceived as unsympathetic and hurtful.
But in one way depression is a lot like addiction; you can't fix an addict no matter how much you want to or how much you love them. You can only meet them halfway.
You need something for yourself that isn't focused on depression or responsibility.