Am I a crap friend?

[Summer8900]

A good friend of many years found out her husband was having a relationship with a work colleague. That lasted for a year and he and this other women have been on 4 holidays abroad (long holidays...). He told my friend that he had to travel for work...
That’s not all and I won’t go in details but this guy is a loser and a complete a.....

My friend is devastated (this happened in October) and she still loves him...despite him being a complete a...to the point of denying her the money he borrowed from her parents, being aggressive towards her etc.

I have been very supportive but I feel I can’t take it anymore. I am sick of listening how much she misses him and wants him. I have been honest with her about this though...I would love to see her more and be more supportive but she lives far and I can’t get over that she still loves him and wants him. It’s insane. I mean he’s f disgusting.

I have my own things I need to do in life (job hunting) and have a toddler so whilst I would like to be there for her all the time I can’t.

I believe she’s disappointed as I am not coming over the weekends to see her but I have a toddler that needs me and a husband and I can’t spend my weekends listening how much she misses that idiot.

Am I a crap friend?

You are not

No

No you aren’t at all.

I ended a friendship after 6 years of hearing about her exh in Every. Single. Conversation.
He was in jail ffs and she couldn't just move on.
So I did!!
I am not a crap friend. And neither are you op.

No you aren't, but having been in this situation I think its possible your friendship may not survive you putting some reasonable boundaries into place.

No, you’re not a crap friend at all.
Your husband and child come before your friend. She is clearly very needy and believes that her current emotional needs come before anyone else’s.

You cannot leave your own family every weekend to listen to her misery. It’s already bugging you... you will end up resenting her.

It happened in October and she should be making plans to end this relationship, yet she is clearly in denial that her relationship has ended and is desperate to carry on in this toxic marriage.
It’s not your problem and sitting with her every weekend to listen to her declarations of love toward a cheating husband will not help her.

You need to back off a bit ( or a lot.) You cannot mend her marriage and sitting with her while she wallows in her futile dreams will not help her either.
I had this same scenario myself with a long standing dear friend... I had to back away, if only for my own sanity. It was too much and my husband was getting fed up with how invested I was in her misery.
Sorry... I’m probably not helping you here.
Look after your own well-being.

No, you are not a crap friend.
She needs to wallow in self pity without you and work it out for herself, now.

No you sound like a great friend as you've stuck by her and told her how it is. Maybe you could write her a letter explaining in detail why you can't/ don't want to spend the weekend with her if she is insistent on harping on about her awful husband. You can't do any more now. If she has any sense she wont lose a good friend over him.

Thank you everyone