Babysitting as favour

[Whowantstogotothepark]

I really can't judge about this one. My sister was going out with her friend (single mother). The friend's babysitter pulled out at the last minute, so my sister asked me if we could look after the friend's 5 year old son.

The original babysitting arrangement had been for until 11 pm, but they asked if it was okay for the child to stay overnight. We had no plans and have our own kids, so said yes. All the children have met previously and got on well. Having said that I had not seen the boy in about 2 years and my husband had never met him, so we were basically strangers to him.

My sister and the friend turn up the next day about 10ish say thanks. Quick chat and off they go.

Now, if I did this I would get someone a bottle of wine or similar to show my appreciation. AIBU to think that it is appropriate to make a gesture a bit beyond "thanks and bye" for looking after someone's child overnight?

I am not angry and demanding payment or lovely bottle of red. But I do think that it is a bit odd that someone should be so nonchalant about us entertaining, feeding and generally taking care of their child, especially as we probably saved her quite a bit of money and the child didn't really know us.

Or on the other hand, the boy settled fine and was lovely. The kids had fun and it was no hassle at all. Maybe I should just be happy to help someone out in need.

I think it's utterly bizarre, frankly, to expect someone you are not close to to have your 5 year old son overnight so that you can go out.

You sound lovely, but I think they took the piss.

That is not something I would ever do.

And, tbh, I would refuse to have him the next time you are asked. Which I suspect you will be. Very soon.

Do you know the friend? I presume so if you have met the child. I would do this, but I find that most people return favours. I would not have expected anything, it doesn’t sound like it put you out in any way, it is nice to help people out.

That is a bit weird.

I think I'd feel how you feel cause if the roles were reversed I'd 100% bring a token gift to say thank you. Although as you and PP have said... it's a bit weird that they were happy to leave the 5yo overnight at all.

I think that this might be a lesson learned.

Do you think she might have asked your sister, who said “oh no it’s fine no need to offer gift/payment”

You did a nice thing , but it's very odd that anyone would leave their child overnight for a night out with someone that they didn't know very well . I suppose we shouldn't judge your sister probably vouched for you .

YANBU to find that behaviour odd but I think the fact that the friend left her child overnight with you at all is much stranger than the fact that she didn’t offer a gift.

I think that’s very strange and rude and wouldn’t be doing it again!

Also suggest DSis would like to babysit for you in return as a thank you.

Yes I agree. It was a big ask (over night babysitting), should have offered money or a gift to say thanks. Perhaps it's on its way? Say no next time.

I know I am going to sound very cynical but is there any chance that this was planned by your sister and her friend to save the friend money. You obviously know your sister and know if she would pull a fast one like this.

The least the friend should have done was turn up with a small token of some sort.

I’d expect my sister to offer something in appreciation too...

It is odd but you never know, the friend may drop you a note, send you flowers or something in the coming week. Let's hope so anyway. You did a nice thing, your sister's friend knows you and trusts you and the children had fun which are the important things.

So glad I refuse to babysit for anyone. I just give them info for a professional

You were very kind and she was rude and very cavalier leaving her son with people he hasn’t seen since he was a toddler and can’t have remembered at all.

I agree it's way more odd to let your child stay with a couple consisting of a lady your child hasn't seen for 2 years so wont remember at all, and a man you've never met, than to not give a 'thank you' gift

Thanks for the answers. May something will pop up in the week. We do have a do coming up next month. Maybe I should suggest that the friend takes care of our kids .

Not the point of the thread but I can’t believe the friend allowed it! I’m sure you’re lovely but children wouldn’t ever stay out somewhere they didn’t know so I could get pissed.

But sticking to thread - I would offer wine/flowers at least a thanks btw

Yanbu, very kind of you and a bottle of wine and chocs would be peanuts compared to how much you saved her! Rude

I too find it very strange that the mother would happily leave her child with someone he doesn't know. Obviously she knows and trusts you, but the child doesn't. What if he became upset and you couldn't calm him down? It's hard entertaining a child you don't know. Doesn't seem like she really cares, it seems like she thought, the babysitter pulling out has worked out well (if indeed that did happen) now I can stay out as late as I like, I can get as pissed as I like, and not spend a single penny on a babysitter.
This wasn't an emergency, in which case I could forgive the lack of gift, etc, it was a night out. If it were me I would certainly have brought flowers/chocolates/wine/whatever your sister said would be the best option. I've a feeling this might not be the last time you are asked to do this. I think they've taken advantage to be honest and it might be worth mentioning to your sister that you won't be doing it again.