To change my job and take a big pay cut because it's all just got too much?

[unicorngymnastics]

Currently work in a middle management position in the public sector which involves bringing a lot of work home in the evenings and at weekends. There's also a lot of pressure attached (as most would expect for the position) and I really feel like I can't carry on in this environment. I've lost my love for the job and the stress I feel from the pressure is making me feel like a completely different person.

I've had a difficult couple of years personally but everything is coming together now and it's as though I'm now just really exhausted. I've been going full speed for 2 years in survival mode and now I'm not having to be like that I feel like I need to take my foot off the pedal.

I have been offered a job at a family friendly company that I think would really benefit my kids (more time with them, not missing all the school runs and assemblies) and my mental health.

However, I'm really scared to do it. I worry that in years to come I will kick myself for limiting my pay/ability to move house/pension contributions etc. I know these things are not the be all and end all but I am what if? thinker by nature. Is there anyone who has made a similar decision and now a few years down the line can tell me it was the best thing they did?

It's a big drop , but lots of families live on a lot less than £45k . You can't get time back with your dc , they will remember whether or not you were at their plays and assemblies.

You can live very respectably on £45k. I would do it, personally. You only have one life.

If you like the people then take the job and enjoy your time with your kids. They grow up fast and, when you are old you will regret missing out and a few more pounds in the bank won't mean all that much.

Moving back down the ladder not possible where I am now as they 'punish' employees who give up responsibility by ensuring they have very full days and have to take on other roles within the organisation. Have seen it happen to other colleagues.

Could move to another organisation and go down but there would still be the need to bring work home and I think that is contributing the to the general feeling of needing to get out of this career.

Have probably given the job away by now! Although I've built up a range of skills in this post it seems that they very much apply to this sector and obviously to move into another sector you have to start at the bottom and prove yourself.

I changed jobs and my pay almost halved. I now work in a school part time and term time only. We have made a few cut back but on the whole haven’t noticed the difference in money coming in. To me, less stress and time with the kids while they are young are more important.

I took a 70% pay cut in order to leave a job that was destroying my mental health and preventing from spending time with my family. I have never regretted it.

I would do it, but only if I'd first exhausted all other options. It's a big jump and it's going from above average to below average. Of course health and happiness are the priority, but having money in your pension and being able to afford heating in your retirement or retire young enough so that you can still have fun and go travelling etc is important too. I would first -
Speak to your work and tell them how you feel. Unless it is a toxic environment, they may be supportive and be able to come up with some solutions if they don't want to lose you. For example a reduction in hours, a job share, a sideways move to something lower stress (eg customer facing to training), taking a long secondment to decide what to do (6 months unpaid to recalibrate will have the same effect on salary), more flexible working to work from home more. These are all things that might actually make a big difference - not to your workload, but how you feel about it. If they promise all this and don't deliver, then you can look again. If you do this, I would actually put away a significant proportion of your salary to a. Tide you over if you feel like you need some time off and b. See how you feel living on the equivalent of £25k - you might find that you don't miss it (lots of peoples happiest memories are when they were penniless students with lots of free time). If you're a manager you might also find you have loads of transferable skills and can get a compromise job in the middle that's not quite as low salary as 25k but not as high stress as 50k.

I am going to go against the grain and play devils advocate. Is this a period of your life which will pass quite quickly (children’s ages etc) and could be coped with another way - throwing money at childcare, H taking on more, etc ? I know women who have given up a future three decades of high earning potential because of a short term logistics crunch. Please think very seriously about this before you walk away. It might be the right thing to do and I don’t in any way want to add to the pressure you feel under. But is there any other way that the stress on you could be mitigated for a little while til the kids are a bit older?

I did similar in 2006 got made redundant from a 'big' job, had 6 months off and then worked part time, it's worked well tbh.

I did it. Went from 52k to 0 currently, but may earn mid 20s once I'm fully trained in my new career. It's worth it. I've been around to see my son grow and don't miss the stress and shit treatment I constantly got working in such a demanding environment.

Your health and happiness is worth more than any job

I gave up a stressful job ( Nursing) and trained in a different career on lower pay before I had a complete breakdown. can't describe how much difference it has made to my life to be doing a job I love. I figured that even though it's a significantly lower salary, if it helps me to stay well and continue working for many more years then ultimately it will be worth it. I am in my early fifties and I consider it to be better to be able to work another 10-15 years on a lower salary than to do another five years in Nursing and suffer with mental health and a bad back and not be able to carry on working at all.

Yes. Took huge pay cut. It was the right thing to do at the time. Financially it can be a bit frustrating and I really could do with earning a bit more but 10 years working in more relaxed roles and seeing my kids more and having a life was worth it

You feel overwhelmed and exhausted. How can you keep this up?

Change jobs and cut back on expenditure. Give yourself snd your family the chance to breathe and grow together.

Listen to your heart. Good luck.

QF

I took a significant pay drop... Over 20k..Still FT but only did bits of work at home . Itsaved my sanity, allowed me to see my children grow up... If you can afford it, do it!

You will never regret gaining more time with your children.
Your new venture may lead to other opportunities within the new firm - all on a family friendly basis.

Absolutely I would take it. You spend a lot of your time at work and stress can make you really ill. £45k is still a pretty good amount to manage on if your outgoings can be cut to suit it

I took a huge pay cut about five years ago to leave a job I hated. I left for a company with a much better culture and work life balance.

The thing is, I didn't realise until I'd left just how toxic my previous work environment was and how much it had taken over my life. It's very hard to get perspective on these things until you leave, but it's the best decision I ever made. I wish I'd done it sooner.

I’m currently trying to decide whether to do this. Have been in my current role for a long time, but the environment has become toxic over the past couple of years. I’ve now been approached about a, quite different, role elsewhere. Would be a step down in terms of seniority and pay which makes me nervous, but having read this thread I’m think I should go for it!

@unicorngymnastics

You'll know this anyway, but if you are going from public to private sector, your pension will never be as good. Apart from the pay cut, there is the pension to consider, especially if you have a fair amount of years in it already.

Someone once told me you spend up to what you have coming in .Its very true ,nothing is more important than your health and wellbeing . Even with your pay cut ,you will still be on a joint salary of just under 50k a year which is more than many people earn!

If you can manage on the lower salary absolutely do it. I am so much happier since changing to a lower stress job and have not looked back once x

Following with interest,

Thank you for all your replies.

It's really reassuring to hear all of happy stories (and these match with what family have said to me when we've discussed it).

Just seen your update with the specifics of the cut. Is that sort of drop to be expected for your role? Or is it worth shopping around a bit/speaking to a recruiter to see what others might offer you?

I agree with those saying "life's too short" to stick with something that's making you so miserable and taking you away from your family, but with lots of roles there are stages between 25k and 50k that you could seek out.

OP did you enjoy and cope with your job before your tough two years? Your post-struggle exhaustion may be temporary. Any chance you could take a three month sabbatical and then see? I had this after my divorce. I thought I was done with my job and actually I just needed a break.

Either way nothing to feel guilt about and great that your DP is supportive!