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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is a ridiculous excuse from DH

54 replies

weaselwomble · 25/01/2020 18:57

Lighthearted, although I am annoyed.
We bought a new oven a few weeks ago, and when we got it home the door was shattered. It finally got repaired this week and DH has fitted it today.
I've asked him to turn it on as I can't make head nor tail of the instructions, so it's preheating for dinner. (I'll get to grips with the instructions I'm not completely useless).
I've just gone to put dinner in and there's glass all over the bottom. I asked DH did he not think to clean that out earlier/before it got hot and his response was "what did you expect me to do, it'll shred my fingers" 🙄
By that logic that glass must stay there forever then, no? Because as an adult you couldn't possibly think of using a dustpan and brush, a cloth etc...
I just think that's a bit of a lame excuse and I'd rather he just said "I didn't think, sorry".
I'm a barmaid who is used to picking up glass with my hands though so maybe that's skewing my thinking, and I'm also irritable today so happy to be told I am unreasonable 😁

OP posts:

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/01/2020 20:31

This is because women are from Venus, and men are from the Planet Thick.

YANBU to be irritated by this wankery.

1forsorrow · 25/01/2020 20:32

OK so he did manly job of fitting the oven so to previous poster saying clearing up the glass is wife work what is the difference, did you think of fitting the oven? If you adopt sexist roles don't be surprised if he does the same. He could be on dadsnet saying "isn't it always the same, wife wouldn't think of fitting the new oven, just left it to me as usual."

Cherrysoup · 25/01/2020 20:33

I'm guessing he didn't even realise there was broken glass at the bottom. And tbh i'd expect whoever fitted the door to have cleaned this up!

Well, he clearly knew because he told the OP his fingers would have been shredded (batshit, no-one asked him to smush his hands into a bed of super sharp shards!) but totally agree that yes, the repair bloke should have cleared it, elf ‘n’ safety ‘n’ all that.

Original poster

weaselwomble · 25/01/2020 20:44

I physically cannot fit a built in oven, so no it didn't occur to me. Same as it didn't occur to him to watch our son while I attempted to fit it instead of him.

And if you read back, I haven't said anything about him expecting me to do the woman's work of cleaning it up, that was someone else. I said his excuse is crap.

OP posts:

theoriginalmadambee · 25/01/2020 20:57

Please do not clean up the glass. You got to wait this out or he will forever rely on you being practical .

busybarbara · 25/01/2020 21:04

Whoever did the repair should have cleaned that up! Failing that, just do it because you care the most about it. I have lots of crud floating around in the bottom of my oven and I couldn’t care less. You don’t use the bottom of an oven you use the shelves

SirGawain · 25/01/2020 21:36

Why didn’t the repaired clear it up. Surely it’s part of the job to leave it in a serviceable condition.

SirGawain · 25/01/2020 21:37

Repairer

callmeadoctor · 25/01/2020 21:55

Tbh I would have just taken oven back to store and had it replaced, seems weird to have been offered and accepted a repair on a new oven.......... But he is an arse for not clearing the glass, however I wouldn't have accepted a repair back in that condition, that is odd!

StrangeLookingParasite · 25/01/2020 23:51

his response was "what did you expect me to do, it'll shred my fingers"

Yes, because everyone know the only way to clean up glass is by pounding your fists into it until enough bits stick.
Good grief.

Original poster

weaselwomble · 25/01/2020 23:53

For all those saying it should have been replaced, I agree completely but it wasn't me who dealt with it. I think because husband had left the store with it and transported it home himself, they won't take responsibility as it could have been dropped etc. (It wasn't).
Equally all those saying the repair man should have cleaned the glass up - again, I agree, but the repair took place at my dad's and I wasn't there. The first thing I asked my dad was "did he clean the glass out" and my dad said he didn't know. Obviously not but I wouldn't expect my dad to make the man clean it on my behalf

OP posts:

AnneGrapes · 26/01/2020 10:23

Your DH seems to be a massive chauvinist and clearly is next to useless round the house, leaving you to do absolutely everything. You are quite right to be annoyed and I can only assume you have ongoing disdain for him because this can only be a recurring issue of him being so dumb. You have my sympathies.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 26/01/2020 10:32

My issue is just that that's not really a valid excuse as an adult, and it (as usual) leaves it to me to sort it out.

There you have it. He didn't do it because he didn't want to. And he knows if he doesn't, you will (as usual).

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 26/01/2020 10:36

Look, it's not the end of the world. I've been known to dodge the odd job knowing that if I don't do it, husband will!

People tend to get a bit worked up on here unless men are 100% perfect. Never have a bad day, never sit on the couch watching telly, do more than 50% of everything in the house plus work full time.

I'm really surprised you haven't been advised to leave him yet.

No doubt it'll be along soon 😉

Ponoka7 · 26/01/2020 10:43

"He's not lazy as such he just doesn't think quite a lot of the time. We have issues similar to this quite often."

He does think, he thinks you should do it.

A marriage guidance councilor once recommended that you get your Partner to say out loud "fuck you, you do it" everytime something like that happened, because that's what they are doing mentally.

Unless they honestly believe in housework fairies.

I'm wondering if the Incompetence shown over the repair wasn't also to make a point that you should do it. Who did not having an oven inconvenience more?

Ponoka7 · 26/01/2020 10:44

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre, that's fine, if it balances out. But the OP is saying that it happens often.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 26/01/2020 11:01

I know. I also said in my previous post that he didn't do it because he didn't want to, and he knew she would.

I don't think it's male chauvinism as some are saying I think it's simply he couldn't be arsed!

I'd also imagine if he was a single man living alone the glass would remain on the oven floor indefinitely.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 26/01/2020 11:01

... Not because he believes a woman should do it, just because he wouldn't be bothered.

Dontunderestimateme · 26/01/2020 11:02

But he could just as easily be posting a thread saying, "DW says she can't understand how to turn on the new oven, and needed me to do it for her. AIBU to think that it is not rocket science, and as an adult she should be able to work this out." He should have noticed the glass, but I can't believe the oven is really so complicated that you couldn't have worked out how to switch it on without his help.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 26/01/2020 11:17

Yeah, by all accounts read the manual to learn how to set the timer and stuff, but actually turning the oven on is usually pretty straight forward.

It looks like you both have your strengths that compliment each others weaknesses. He's good at turning on ovens and you're good at sweeping up broken glass!

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 26/01/2020 11:18

*by all means read the manual (I think I started with one sentence but switched direction midway through!)

ForestDad · 26/01/2020 11:26

So basically an engineer didn't clean up properly, your husband didn't notice/ignored whilst fitting oven (probably thinking that he needs to do it quickly so you (plural) can use it). He then (having read the manual) switched it on for you.
And you're annoyed about the glass in the bottom at him?
Having just fitted a built-in oven myself as a DIYer I can see why he might miss off the glass... There is a lot to think about, elec power safety, safe distances for heat. These things could kill you if got wrong. Hopefully whilst reading the instructions he got that right. Some glass in the bottom is unlikely to.

KatharinaRosalie · 26/01/2020 13:56

If a person does not notice a task that needs doing before another, wouldn't they say 'Oh sorry I didn't notice' instead of 'What did you expect me to do?'

Sadiee88 · 26/01/2020 14:04

I’d sprinkle glass on his tea! lol - just kidding!

1forsorrow · 26/01/2020 14:52

weaselwomble you might be surprised what you can do if you have to. My husband has been disabled for 30 years and I've learned to do all sorts. It is very liberating.

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