WWYD?

[ThinkOfTheCheese]

Wasn't sure where to put this.

We've had a couple of instances where my step child has told us the other parent has hurt them. I don't want to be outing but it's not just a tap on the bum, it's been things like pushing, hitting them etc...(these aren't the exact scenarios but it's that type of thing).

When OH has questioned this they are told DC has exaggerated and they just got a little smack for doing X Y or Z.

WWYD? Would you believe child's version of events or the parents? Considering this parent is a very good one from what we can tell and loves DC a lot. Certainly not someone I would have considered to be neglectful or anything.

Other than these couple of occasions, DC is very happy and loves the other parent.

It's very hard though when you're getting a phone call from a distressed DC.

Other than these occasions there's absolutely nothing that would give me any cause for concern.

What age is the child? Have you sat and talked about what happened and how serious it is to say this? Also a chat with parent to try and clarify what’s happened?

How old is the DC...

I have experienced mine playing ex off against me and he fell for it hook, line and sinker and got SS involved 🙄

They are 6.

Like I say it's been a very very rare couple of occasions but when we've chatted they've certainly stuck to what they say happened.

The other parent insists they are exaggerating.

It does concern me the 'playing parents off against each other' and OH and other parent are really amicable so they are reluctant to act hastily as they don't see this as something other parent would do.

But then of course, also worried about just dismissing DC if it's true.

Most abusive/neglectful parents don't look abusive on the outside otherwise they wouldn't get away with it.

And children don't stop loving a parent because of abuse, it's far more complex than that.

So neither of those are sound reasons to dismiss things.

Your posts suggests the child is phoning immediately after an incident?

Yes they phoned us asking us to go and get them.

The last time was just after Christmas and probably about a year before that was the other time. But it's played on my mind a bit.

Well for me the child being smacked at all would be completely unacceptable so I would do whatever I could to make sure that didn’t happen to any degree.

told DC has exaggerated and they just got a little smack

Wtf. A "little smack" they're 6!! Why is a parent hitting a 6 year old?!
You can say smack to somehow downplay, but it's still hitting. That poor child

I would approach it with ex about "is there some aspect of DC behaviour you aren't coping with? I want us to be on the same page that we don't hit or smack or scream or rage at them?"

I do agree about smacking in general, it's not something I like or would do myself but if it genuinely is a 'small smack' on the bum or whatever then what do we do? OH has expressed that they don't like it but what else should you do?

I honestly don't believe they are a bad parent but perhaps I am being naive.

Obviously I am limited in what I can say given I'm not their parent. I'm only hearing what the DC tells us, OH is the one going and speaking with the other parent.

RandomMess, that sounds like a good starter. I will mention it to OH. They may have already had a similar conversation.

Shouldn’t be hitting a child (shouldn’t be hitting anyone, especially not a little 6 year old!). Totally unacceptable to me. Hitting a child would not teach them anything. Discussions need to be had.