Should I wait for him to call ?

[Onesmallstep67]

I have been seeing a new guy for just over 2 months. I like him very much and for the most part it's been going okay, talking lots every day but only seeing each other one or twice a week in person.
This weekend he kept me waiting to see which night we would meet ( not seen him in the week ). He knew I couldn't really do Friday as I had a play rehearsal. He arranged to see his mates today ( Saturday ) but said he would come over after my rehearsal last night- I wasn't finishing until 10pm. I was looking forward to that but he didn't turn up. Eventually at 3am I got a whatsapp message and picture saying he was very sorry, he'd fallen asleep. I felt relieved to know he was okay. This morning I was expecting a call to apologise but so far nothing. I haven't messaged or called him.
For reference I am 52, he's 55. I was widowed a few years ago and wound up a 3 yr relationship early last year with a decent guy who tried to take over my life a bit much. ( tensions between him and my 2 teenage DDs).
I feel I am expecting too much too soon from this new guy. My life is a bit empty and I think I expecting an almost instant full on relationship. I HATE waiting and wondering what is going on.
So I guess the question is do I just wait for him to call?

'I don't want him to think I've forgotten about him/not bothered'

Throw this notion out of the window!

Unfortunately there is a power dynamic between men and women, where women have the power before you sleep together (as men are typically a bit more eager for it) and then men have it afterwards (as women are typically a bit more eager to sleep with the same man again).

Each time you make yourself more available or more responsive then he makes himself, you are transferring a little more power from yourself to himself, and your desirability goes down with it.

Play a little harder to get and he's either not that into you, in which case this is all a waste of time, or he will see you as a highly desirable prize to be won, conquered and kept from his competitors.

'Just seen him online on whatsapp but he hasn't read my messages'

This is how you know he's too comfortable in your affections. Also your message or call ratio, and how big your messages are in comparison.

Women Who Love Too Much is excellent!

He's met my DDs who are 15 and 20 because I have very few options for them being elsewhere when he stayed over. Their dad has passed away, so have both my parents and my only sister lives overseas. I am pretty isolated in terms of any support network, which is probably why I am turning to a thread such as this instead of addressing things with people IRL.
Sometimes someone telling you what your problem is doesn't actually help you to address it.
In terms of the guy, I feel his actions are those of someone who is having a hard time and not just manipulating me for his own end.

All I can say is, what you do at the beginning of a relationship sets the tone for the rest. He let you down and now has you feeling sorry for him. He doesn’t even have to make excuses because you’re making them for him! You’re so desperate to make this into a relationship you’re letting him off with behaviour you shouldn’t even accept from a friend.

At 15 and 20 they can be left overnight while you go to a hotel. Bringing someone into their home this early on is setting yourself up for problems

He sounds a bit rubbish.

“I’m sorry I fell asleep.” Yeah, no.

I also think it’s bad news you having him round to stay so soon, with your kids there. That must be a bit unnerving for them.

I'm sorry but I agree about the falling asleep. Two months in he should be hopping up and down to see you.

I'm in danger of sounding defensive and that makes pursuing this discussion pointless. I am trying to take on board what people are saying.
What is always difficult to convey in these forums is the intricacies of the relationship so far, things we have discussed, how we have been when together etc. I fully agree, I may well seem desperate for a relationship, someone to love me. That may be a bi product of losing my husband and parents in a relatively short period of time. Maybe I need to work on myself so I am more emotionally robust before I pursue anything else.

OP, you sound really lovely. Also it sounds as if you have had a very hard few years full of loss.

@Michaelbaubles.....these are wise words.

I also think you should pull back and let him do the leg work now.

I wouldn't be impressed with the sleeping either.

Put your energy into finding out any and everything that is going on in your area to fill your time a bit more.

Nothing as attractive as a busy person.

Wishing you well💐