To find weekends stressful...?

[mommathatwearspink]

Two DC (5.5 & 2.5). We spend our weekends running around to activities and parties for them. When we are at home, they won’t play on their own... have to go from one activity to another and it’s 100 miles per hour and it’s all about the next meal.
We try and get our as much as possible but days like today when we are going to visit family shortly, it’s mayhem and i find it very stressful.

Me and DP work full time so weekends are for family time but we are also exhausted and would just love to sit down for half an hour. AIBU?

Children, in my experience, need to be bored sometimes. It gives them a reason to find something to do. Mine are now teenagers so, as a PP wrote, we're unlikely to see them before noon, but I well remember the howls of “but I'm BORED, Mum! “... I used to give them jobs to do - something mundane like pairing socks or wiping skirting boards. They quite quickly learned to make their own activities 🤣

How silly that you don't sit down, doing nothing with your kids is family time too. Just relax, chill and breath. Why don't you allow yourself this??

Your whole op is wierd. You hate something so you still do it and now you don't like weekends. Madness.

Relax, stay at home more, let the kids play alone as they will do so after the first 5 times you say "I will later, darling, I'm just finishing something." They will get used to playing alone and in fact it's a development skill to learn to keep one self engaged.
I'm not saying ignore them but learn to leave them to their own devices.

You have the power to choose your weekends and lifestyle so do so.

@DDIJ most people aren't out having a wonderful time.

I find weekends are a desert. It's just prepping for the coming week and lots of time alone thinking about what I'd like to do but don't want to on my own. :(

We barely go anywhere on a weekend, just chill from the week.. maybe the odd party sometimes and odd visit to family. You don't have to be busy.

How many parties do your kids get invited to? Mine go to 1 a year, tops.

Knock some of the activities on the head too. Let your kids be bored, refuse to entertain them and they'll eventually find their own fun. It might take some adjusting but it's worth it.

We've been to Lego club at the library this morning and that's it for the organised activities this month weekend. The rest of the time they entertain themselves with all sorts of stuff: last week they were making mini stop-motion movies with their Lego and an animation app. Kept them quiet for hours.

@twozerotwozero 1 a year ?!?! Seriously ?!?! Mine have 2 a month no bloody joke. It’s financially draining

Yea pretty much! They never come home with invites but even if they did my eldest doesn't like going to parties (he hates loud noises despite being the noisiest in the house and crowds) so wouldn't want to go anyway.

It sounds like you are trying to cram a lot in (various parties/activities) and ending up exhausted from it.

I only have one son who is six and I work full time in the week. We limit parties a bit to be honest -he gets quite a lot of invitations but if it's a child who never comes to his/he never plays with then we usually politely decline.

Same with activities - we have no fixed activities at the weekend and generally do fairly small things -local park etc. Luckily, I am a teacher so I do more with him in the holidays.

Most of our weekends are pretty chilled. Me and DS went shopping this morning and saw my Nan. Now we are home and he is happily playing with his toys and I am having a brew and then will potter doing a few things. Much of the same tomorrow. He likes it that way after a busy school week plus extra curricular activities.

@TwoZeroTwoZero - mine have 1 or 2 parties a month!

@DDIJ - I don't think most people are out having a wonderful time. I think realistically lots of people are doing the housework, sorting the laundrey, cooking, helping DC with homework and playing with them and breaking up fights, sorting paperwork, organising for the next week and sitting exhausted on the sofa.

Yabu because you are the one who sets the weekend essentially, so don’t make it so jam packed for heavens sake! Also the use of the word “stressful” gets flung about waaaay to easily these days!! I mean if you find ferrying to small kids from one activity to the next “stressful” then
We went to soft play today and now they are playing in the play room with their toys...you need to teach them to play and be without you for a portion of the day OP, if you want to sit down for half an hour then do it OP!! You don’t need to schedule it in and get your children’s permission so to speak, just do it!!

I think you’re at risk of martyring yourself if you’re complaining you can’t sit down for half an hour. Sitting down is good, for children and adults.

I used to find when mine were small they preferred it when we sat down, kind of helped them potter about more and feel grounded I think. they would get stressy if always on the go...

UndertheCedartree
TwoZeroTwoZero - mine have 1 or 2 parties a month! mine must just not be that popular then I can't say I'm bothered though: young children's parties are the stuff of nightmares!

@TwoZeroTwoZero mines has about 5 parties in the next 3 weeks? We go through peaks and troughs of parties. Births of small children we know do seems to cluster but I've lost count of how many in a year!

I think people must have cottoned on that we just rarely accepted the invites (I always explained a little bit about ds and why he doesn't like them) and that we haven't had any parties ourselves and eventually gave up asking. Even when they first started school though they only got 2 or 3 in the whole year. The other thing is that I rarely do the school run so I'm not in with the other parents and they don't know me like they know each other.

Following with interest. I find that my 4 year old struggles to play by himself, to the extent that I've taken to keeping him out all day on the weekend (thrashed him round a Wildlife trust lake yesterday) as sitting in the house with constant interruptions is so dire.

I find sitting in the house all day a nightmare but to be fair I found that before we had DS as well, I like to be active unless unwell.

Our Saturday mornings tend to be quite busy with park run and some shopping and other errands. We often have a party too but I find those relaxing, DS just goes off and plays with his friends and DH and I get a coffee and chat.

The rest of the time we do a mix of going out for walks, growing veg, swimming, Softplay, parks and relaxing at home. We don't have any set activities which I think makes a big difference as we can just pick what we want to do on the day with no worries about where we have to be unless there is a party.

At those ages my kid and many I know would become bored, annoying, whiny and destructive if not entertained. They definitely needed to be taken out and given a good run about. IME children learn to amuse themselves in their own sweet time.

I think you have been given a really hard time OP. You are doing fine. And you will remember thee activities fondly when your kids are teens and glued to their phones in their rooms.

Maybe try to have a few hours to yourselves by each taking a turn with the kids. And have a takeaway or meal out to cut down on the endless cooking.

Parties will start to reduce after reception/ year 1. When there is a party take it in turns to go so the other one chills at home with the other child. If they do similar activities- e.g. swimming then one parent takes while the other does housework then you can all relax together. Swap each week. Think about what you can cut in terms of activity or if different childcare once a week would enable them to do activities while you work. For example a uni student instead of after school club might mean they could be picked up from school and go to ballet and be taken home again. Maybe one to look into for the longer term.

I also think the op has gotten a hard time and it’s totally individual . There’s a lot of smug answers from parents of one 6 year old, of course it’s a million times easier, you have one and they are older.
The op has a 2 year old! I have 3 dcs who would literally climb the walls if we tried pottering about all day and my older two are brilliant at playing. My 5 year old is really artistic and can draw for hours . The 2 year old? Em... they still put things into their mouths the odd time for the fun, he’s able to climb anything and does, he loves smashing up the LEGO the older ones makes ( we obviously try to keep the separate times but we don’t have a huge house), he turns on taps, draws on walls, constantly throws stuff ( all of which we stop and discipline , he still does it regardless so staying at home....) He just a total worldwind and very busy and physical, needs a good run around and then he’s calmer. The previous op who said her 3 year old plays for hours by themselves, it’s called luck and personality. I have three and can easily see it’s nothing I do, my middle child is fantastic at self play and was from a toddler, my other dcs would break stuff, fight , want to run and climb more so playing for hours at a young age didn’t work so in turn staying in for hours was stressful. It’s all down to the type of child and in my opinion very much their age. It took until 4/5 for my eldest to play for longer periods, which he’s great at now but as a toddler no chance.
Op I think you have to work with the personalities , if they need more physical exercise then you have to go out and give them a good run around etc. I am with people though on the constant organised classes and activities, seems a lot of pressure these days and even though my dc is very into football we limit it to 1/2 seasons training. My dcs also have the big advantage of a green out in the front where (again so much easier as they get older ) they play for hours with other dcs.
Go with what you enjoy (a walk/coffee) and combine it with Park runaround. But I get it , if we try having a chilled out , pj day (we don’t) it wouldn’t work, they need exercise and fresh air. Also highly recommend swapping with your dh as I get out for runs/ coffee/reading a book somewhere in my own and so does he.

Don’t do so many activities then. I bet you had them constantly entertained when they were younger and now they can do anything alone. This is what happens

Cut down the activities/parties, children need some downtime too, although your children are in the age bracket where there are parties galore. In a couple of years your eldest will probably not have so many.

Why do do much activities? Simple solution is to cut down. And find some relaxation time instead of running around so much.

Yep I hear you. It's part and parcel of life with small kids I'm afraid. I remember doing that stuff at weekends. It's constant and exhausting. I can also remember finding an excuse to pop to the supermarket for something just to be able to sit in my car and have 10 mins on my own. It will pass op. Try to work out an agreed time where you and your dh get some time on your own.